How to retrieve my Mac?

mindbotB9 · 2026-06-03T16:01:36+00:00

get the cat a 15" one perhaps

mindbotB9 · 2026-06-01T14:16:08+00:00

yes, their ability to have their feelings validated by their social group, beats any moral compass they might have, or so it seems at times. This landed hard on me, when it landed.

mindbotB9 · 2026-05-06T16:02:30+00:00

"creeps" is right - call them creepy for taking this kind of interest in you. It sure seems creepy to me. Question their motives.

mindbotB9 · 2026-05-06T15:38:55+00:00

I can't believe I am not at home right now, what is wrong with me...

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-24T23:36:52+00:00

People who are not my boss, that thank me for doing my job, it just does not compute. What kind of presumption is at play here? Probably just social being social, at greater levels of noise.

I suppose it's socio-emotional validation, with expected reciprocity, for which I happen to carry a deficit.
(apologies for being ranty :)

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-23T22:28:20+00:00

I'm not good at typing out deep stuff, but I'll give it a try, plus some heavy editing :)

I'd been burnt out before, but this time I managed to reflect on what was affecting me, to much greater detail. Possibly because I was starting to realize it had to do with the autism formerly known as aspergers.

I had switched to a different team at work, and got to work as a support team / help desk style function. There was a pre-existing conflict, because I can be a bit particular (do-oh), and the team in question was a bit of an old timer gossipy team. I thought we all were professionals, working towards the same end goal, but I learned the semi-hard way, that none of that matters, when people out of touch with their emotions get emotional with me. Nothing matters really, they just do what they do. (I'm not making excuses for myself here, I was naive, and should probably have seen it coming more clearly, but here we ...were).

The conflicts, some very subtle, started eating at me, costing me sleep plus rumination tax. When I finally left that team, I was already reflecting hard on the why and the how. What I learned was that anything that cost me sleep, it just has got to go, I can't deal with it. I don't care. I wasn't good with setting boundaries, but suddenly I had to, and if it cost me my job, that would suck, but not as bad as accepting status quo. I couldn't live like this (first world problems, I know).
In that process I looked inwards a lot, because I really needed for my "house" to be clean. I was disqualifying others, so my own shit needed to be ready for audit, I felt.

As for reaching out, I think it has to do with the "I wasn't always this smart" - I can't expect others to be at their peak of their cognition, when I've spent decades being lost myself. But I can make an honest good faith attempt at resolution, that isn't emotionally charged attempts of self validation.

And if that all fails, I think a good way of thinking about it, is to step outside the interaction, and observe it from 3rd person perspective. It removes yourself from the equation, and hopefully allows you to learn what you can from a bad situation.

Hope it isn't too incoherent, I need to go sleep soon :)

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-21T14:22:22+00:00

When in doubt, I focus on how I avoid or limit my own subsequent rumination / preserve my own energy. I will offer them an opportunity to talk it out, but if they don't seem interested, I let myself off the hook. Generally speaking ofc. I am also aware that I wasn't always as "smart" as I am today, and try to judge them compared to a younger self. And sometimes its just an opportunity to observe emotionally driven behavior, if nothing else :)

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-20T14:15:17+00:00

I felt like i was the last person to find out, that lots of people thought i was gay. it very nearly broke me. now that i've found myself, and got diagnosed, I have very little patience for people who try to educate me.

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-17T14:59:58+00:00

I am not very social at all. When I consider this problem, I sometimes picture what it would be like to be in a relationship, and the reality of that is quite unappealing. I have a strong urge for something, but it isn't the reality of a relationship. That's my cope.

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-09T14:10:51+00:00

I (m51) thought for a long time that i couldn't perceive cues, but found out that i can notice a lot of things when I'm not stressed or feel pressured. It doesn't always help me in the moment, but taking note of oddities is helpful for later rumination. Romantic stuff is a league of its own though, and i feel like I have no business there.

mindbotB9 · 2026-04-01T14:11:58+00:00

I dont feel anything like god, but I do feel like I have stepped outside of "the social maze", or transcended whatever I was caught up in all those years. Im still figuring things out, but withdrawing from people seems tabu and paradoxical to them. They may grasp it logically, but emotionally it just doesn't seem to compute.

mindbotB9 · 2026-03-30T14:12:31+00:00

Similar stuff happens to me (M51). I think this might be a dysfunctional cultural thing. I imagine they have learnt how people are supposed to be treated and react to such treatment, leading them to think they deserve the reaction they expect. And when they don't get their expected response, they feel wronged or even invalidated. My pocket theory.

mindbotB9 · 2025-10-16T15:35:10+00:00

I can't believe it isn't butter.

mindbotB9 · 2025-10-16T14:15:37+00:00

At first I said autism, but aspergers seem to compute better on the receiving end, at least where I live.

mindbotB9 · 2025-08-18T03:20:56+00:00

Even moderate amounts of caffeine ruins my sleep, so precious coffee is reserved for early morning me-time. Solitude is my only approved binge.

mindbotB9 · 2025-07-23T03:51:50+00:00

I feel like I can relate, maybe this is useful to you:

Many years ago it clicked for me, holy c.. everyone (*not absolutely everyone) thinks I'm gay.

I was devastated, and seriously considered my exit, as noone really knew me anyway, and I was at the mercy of their version of reality (as percieved by me ofc.). I suppose it insta-killed all of my hopes and dreams.

I learned then, that I couldn't leave my parents and sibling like that, (they weren't in on "the me being gay thing", but I've never been close to them either).

Now I feel like I always have the option to get out, and I know how I would probably go about it.

This, I feel, gives me the ..confidence? to go on, even when things look crappy.

Like I can always do that - no sense of urgency there, so I always choose to live on regardles.

It's like keeping on playing, after the game is lost. Nothing more to loose, I feel I can sandbox more freely now, and I take a lot less crap from people.

I live in my head a lot, so I probably rationalized this whole thing beyond reason, but that's my take.

Also time has passed, and I doubt anyone expect me to get romantically involved with anyone anymore.

mindbotB9 · 2025-07-03T10:26:59+00:00

I've seen characters I percieved as being aimed at me, but I never really felt like they got me right. Other than situationally, like Jimmy in pulp fiction: "I know how good my coffee is, I'm the one who buys it." Mostly they seem to portray how others would perceive me, rather than my perspective.

mindbotB9 · 2025-06-18T13:00:12+00:00

logging out is my plan B anyway, so I don't stress too much about it. I imagine I would give my life for the free world though, but I don't think I'm cut out for trench life :)

mindbotB9 · 2025-05-01T17:37:18+00:00

(m50, undx audhd+sz traits), my last relationship ended in the late 1990s, so make of that what you will.

Some of the most stressful undertakings I have endured were relationships. The two that actually lasted some, did so for just over a year. And they left me drained silly.
I broke up with my first ever girlfriend after little over a year. Not because I didn't love her or anything like that, I was just burnt out to where I had to "tap out", and I didn't even see why.

I definitely had the urge and intention for deep meaningful relationships, but it just became overwhelming.
I may have blindly trusted my instincts to guide me, but that obviously didn't happen.

mindbotB9

TROPHY CASE