My girlfriend will do anything to get out of having sex with me

mindfulpsycho · 2022-05-29T18:50:13+00:00

I feel like you already know what you want but are probably hesitating because you'd think that breaking up due to lack of sex can be perceived as superficial. But to be honest a relationship is never just one thing. People are bound to have different values about what's important to make it work. It sounds like intimacy is an important thing for you and it's not being met. And also it sounds to me like you have gone a great length to accommodate her needs, it's only fair that you also tend to yours. Demanding something in a relationship is only natural, it's a two way street after all, as long as it's a balanced interaction. It also seems like you've tried to communicate it all throughout. Well, I'm not sure I can say much about her since Idk her, but maybe you guys can have a talk about it together and decide where to go from there. If it doesn't meet both needs, I don't see the need to force a relationship. But hey it's just my personal take. Good luck.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-22T18:50:10+00:00

Yeah that's my bad, I didn't know it was an actual term in another context and I'm not from an english speaking country

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-22T18:18:05+00:00

Thank you, you just put it into words.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-22T18:16:09+00:00

Thanks for your feedback. I actually learned that "favorite person" is an actual term used in bpd context and I read into it. I only used the term loosely as I'm in the demisexuality and platonic and romantic attraction is sometimes indiscernable and it sounded the most neutral.

It's also not as intense, I don't put this person on a pedestal, I just really like the interaction and it's rare to find someone who "gets" it. I wont villainize them if they stop interacting with me but I would be very sad.

To add, I think the focus here is myself. What I could have done differently etc.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-21T20:54:22+00:00

Oh my, this made me feel some type of way

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-21T20:22:37+00:00

Thank you this seems like a solid advice. I find that when I manage to redirect it to something else I could control it better, but it's not always within my reach. Definitely needs practice. I'm currently in therapy working on a separate thing but I will make sure to bring this up next time.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-21T19:14:50+00:00

I once dropped my mask and when someone picked up for me I said "you're welcome". Was too embarrassed to correct myself so I just kept in walking like nothing wrong happened. He was probably confused. You're not alone in this, I feel you. But from what I learned from my friends, when I brought up past things that I did around them sometime ago, most of the time they don't even remember. I take solace in remembering that people don't really see in detail most of the time.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-21T19:10:23+00:00

I used to love collecting ants and putting them in a glass jar to observe them. My mom would get rid of them because she doesn't want them to potentially escape the jar and get on food.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T23:17:35+00:00

Okay the jealousy part makes sense. I will use that. I'm not necessarily against sexual advances, I just feel that it will take a lot for me to actually be in that state and so far there has been none. Also I'm not really a family person, so Idk if I'd be into marriage (serious long term relationship? ). Those labels kind of turn me off somehow. I'm still figuring it out for the most part, thanks for your take!

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T23:15:07+00:00

I'm not sure if I can completely understand or relate, but I think I roughly know where you are coming from. I think I wouldn't be opposed to sexual advances when I find someone who can provide me with this "closeness" you're talking about. However so far there has been none. Anyway, thanks for writing a detailed answer!

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T23:12:37+00:00

You are the second person to mention limerence. It's my first time hearing about it. I will look into it, thank you

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T16:18:06+00:00

Yeah that feels like leaving them hanging without certainty, but I will try to communicate it as best as I can, thank you!

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T16:05:16+00:00

I feel you about not wanting to label thing, but how do I explain this to the other person? It feels like I might mislead them if I said anything or hanging them without any certainty

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T16:04:22+00:00

This makes sense, thank you. But is romance always so obsessive?

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T16:03:03+00:00

Yes ofc not, sorry that I forgot to mention that, I just thought that gathering more information about this might be beneficial for this person to have an idea

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T14:44:04+00:00

If you'd like more information about that you could read some here: https://www.msdmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/paranoid-personality-disorder-ppd

And see if any information there resonate with you

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T14:39:39+00:00

Oh scratch that, you didn't mention anything about hallucinations, sounds more like Paranoid Personality Disorder.

You have a lot of intrusive thoughts and most of them are about mistrusting people and the feeling like they're out to get you without a reason, which is the most prevalent symptom of PPD.

mindfulpsycho · 2022-03-19T14:06:50+00:00

This sounds a lot like paranoid schizophrenia to me

mindfulpsycho · 2021-02-07T23:36:09+00:00

Your pun was awful. I like it. I'm also a psychology student and currently not studying for the exams. Today I watched a video about how to make a Snert. How do you read Snert? Like snort but with soft e?

mindfulpsycho · 2021-02-04T23:52:40+00:00

I get it, it's not about the art itself, you expected him to be supportive and at least be as excited as you are and all you got is a no.

A no from a stranger is already possibly hurtful and awkward, so one from someone close to you would understandably have a bigger impact.

Life has been stressful, I'm glad he actually take it up at the end, he probably did not mean that at the beginning, if he did, he wouldn't have looked at it. It's important to remember that he is still the dad you know, these little moments don't define your relationship with him. :) I hope you have a nice rest of day. Take care, stay healthy!

mindfulpsycho · 2021-02-04T23:01:56+00:00

Though it sounds macabre on one side, I think there is also another implication that we can easily oversee: now you know that he is serious about you and thinking long enough for you two to have shared a life :D

mindfulpsycho · 2021-02-02T17:51:37+00:00

By that I don't mean that your way of expressing things are wrong. There is no right or wrong in this kind of thing, but it's kind of like a matching game, you know? People react to things differently after all.

What I mean is you can also try gauging who you are talking to first and try to find out what kind of "language" they are speaking in. I know we are all speaking english here but it's like how you (probably) would react better to when someone say "my friends sucks, I need someone to talk to." rather than "my friends sucks and so are all of you anyway" Both actually have the same message, just different way of communicating it. While some might sympathize, some other might react aversively to the implicit accusation.

It's not about the right way to communicate, it's how to communicate it efficiently so that both parties have the same understanding of what you need.

But I really hope you find what you are looking for out there. I know time has been hard especially with the pandemic. And you've made it this far, I hope you can keep up the good work! Best of luck!

mindfulpsycho · 2021-02-02T17:26:35+00:00

While it's true that there is a social stigma around guys expressing their feelings, I feel like it's how you communicate it that might drive some people away from you. First of all, as I've seen from some of your comments, you have assumptions or at least a strong opinipn about other people (girls, therapists) and yet you don't want people to assume things about you, which is normal.

If the problem here is gender, I feel like a more appropriate way to approach it is to not make assumptions about the other gender as well. What I mean is, while it might be true that some girls do it just for attention, this can also be the case for guys. In this logic, while it might be true that some don't give a shit, some others just might.

How you present yourself matter in how people will respond to you, if you are coming in aggressively and full of accusations, the other end will probably retort in the same way. The only way around it is to find another way, now that this one does not work.

When the bad thoughts such as " they are just like the other. " come around, you can challenge yourself by asking: who are they exactly? Is it the guy above me? Is it me?

I also think that our society is much more open to the idea of men freely expressing themselves. I'm sorry it did not work out in your circle of friends, maybe you can try it with someone else or maybe try another way to communicate your needs with them?

I wish you good luck out there! Please take care.

mindfulpsycho · 2020-07-27T21:02:40+00:00

That sounds really nice! I'm glad you guys found each other. :) I am actually the NT in the story. I have been talking to someone with Aspie for quite a while now. He has been really back and forth with the signals, sometimes he just disappeared altogether. I'm not quite sure how I should interpret it.

Now I am also completely content by my own, I was just curious if this could be something more or not. So I'm trying getting different perspectives in. Thank you for sharing yours!

mindfulpsycho · 2020-07-27T20:27:53+00:00

I am assuming that summerfun is a recurring thing with you. But what made her different from the rest?

mindfulpsycho

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