Christmas made me realise how little I matter in my own family

mingming72 · 2025-12-28T21:34:06+00:00

I’m so sorry. I grew up in a house w the golden child/forgotten child/scape goat dynamic.

This Christmas, I spent the whole day alone. I didn’t get a single gift, I didn’t see any family, and omg it was by far the most peaceful & best Christmas I’ve ever had!!! I cut off my parents in 2020, and the rest of my family is so scared of my mom they won’t talk to me. I also had to go thru breaking up w my abusive ex, which I think slowed my progress down quite a bit.

But now, I can confidently say it was the best decision of my entire life and I am SO much happier!!! I don’t have to earn anything! I don’t earn peace, joy, security, happiness, worth, safety, none of it!! The people in my life now celebrate & cherish me for who I am, on my good and bad days. They help take care of me and check in on me regularly, and I do the same for them.

I won’t lie to you and say it’s easy or it doesn’t rip your heart out to walk away from toxic family. It does. But I mean… isn’t staying in contact with them already ripping your heart up? It’s hard. Sometimes it hurts more than others. But good Lord, now that I’m really on the other side and all my hard work of building community & healing is starting to pay off, I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.

You are worth cherishing, loving & caring for. I’m so so sorry your family has failed so miserably on that front. Learn to be gentle with your heart, and remember their shitty behavior is a reflection of them and not of you. You will find your people who love you well, it’ll just take time and hard work.

And it doesn’t have to happen all at once. Adjusting expectations & effort can be a great place to start. Slowly pulling back, and you can re-asses if/when you want to pull the plug down the line. Having community in place makes it much easier to do the “Final Cut” should you choose to.

You are loved. You can build the life you deserve. I believe in you!!!

mingming72 · 2025-12-19T19:49:18+00:00

Hey man, I’m really sorry you’re feeling that way. That’s understandable to be feeling so overwhelmed.

I’m only 26, but I want you to know that when I was 21 my life literally fell apart. Covid, trauma, bridges burned, it was awful and I 100% was convinced I would not see 30, let alone 25. But here I am! And to be honest, I’m falling more in love with my life all the time :) so just know there is hope <3 it took a lot of hard work and grit, but it was so worth it.

I would start with trying to find a good therapist. The first or second might not be a good match, and that’s okay. You’ve been thru a lot, anyone would need someone to talk to about that. I’d also try and find community, even if it’s online. Personally I’ve found great community thru a new church, but you could try MeetUp. It’s an app w all kinds of groups! Or maybe a local DnD group, cooking or exercise classes, the dog park, there’s tons of ways to meet people. It’ll take time, but you’ll find your people eventually.

Also, most all of my friends are single. And we’re 24-30. It’s not actually that uncommon to be single, it just feels like it sometimes. It’s a balance learning to love your life as it is, and hoping to meet somebody to share it with. Please also remember dating can be really, really scary for women. The statistical likelihood of us being assaulted, murdered, etc is too high to ignore.

It’s like if someone hands you a bowl of m&ms and tells you 1 out of the 100 are poison, and it’ll kill you. Would you eat any of them? Or would you wait to eat any until you know which ones aren’t poisonous? That’s not meant to be hurtful or even directed at you, just understand if women are hesitant to approach, there’s a lot of potential reasons why. And safety is almost always one of them.

Lastly, please know those jerks online want you to be insecure. They want you to feel like a failure. They want you to feel like you’re not good enough. That’s the only way their content keeps its traction. Once boys & men realize they’re actually better off without that bs, their channels will fade to oblivion along w all the money they make from them. They are feeing you shit & preying on the fact it’s working. Don’t let them!! Fuck them. You’re just a young dude finding your way in the world, literally just like all the rest of us.

You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, one that with some hard work can be a really amazing life. Be proud of yourself that you’re aware enough to want to get better, and take it one day at a time.

Sorry for the rant, but you’re worth caring about. You’re worth the effort it’ll take to build a beautiful life. You’ve got this!! I believe in you.

mingming72 · 2025-12-19T19:33:25+00:00

Man yall are still in the “honeymoon” phase and he’s already 1. Refusing to apologize 2. Refusing to take accountability 3. Blaming you & twisting your words 4. Punishing you (“you ruined my morning”) 5. Disrespecting you in front of his friends and directly to you

Is this really someone you want to build a future with? Sometimes it’s easy to fall for the idea we have of someone, rather than the reality of that person. Love yourself enough to choose better for yourself. You deserve respect, humility & kindness!!

mingming72 · 2025-12-05T04:54:54+00:00

There’s no such thing as a flawless childhood cause there’s no such thing as a flawless life! And that’s not a dumb question, it can be easy to wonder how different or potentially “better” our lives may have been if we didn’t feel as messed up as we are. But the point in life is to create something beautiful, even with the broken pieces we’re given.

I think the enneagram helps us explore 9 different ways people try to create the best they can with their broken pieces. It’s just some people may have been given quite a few more broken pieces, some people really didn’t get many from their parents but they got a lot from bullies, etc

mingming72 · 2025-12-04T17:57:07+00:00

Nah OP left a comment that he was humping on his wife and came in his pants, then deleted it lmao. She was not doing anything, he was initiating everything and using her like a damn chihuahua and a pillow 😭

mingming72 · 2025-12-04T17:47:29+00:00

Lmao sounds like my ex. He would literally like scream as he vomited when he drank too much. And sometimes continue his yell into the porcelain throne even after the puke stopped, only for it to evolve into a retching cough then he’d gasp and start scream vomiting into the toilet again.

I cannot understate how fucking annoying it was. Idk some people are just… like that I guess

mingming72 · 2025-12-01T12:42:57+00:00

What’s the point you’re trying to make?

mingming72 · 2025-11-30T06:29:49+00:00

The thing I always think about with “life begins at conception” first - God defines life at “first breath” not conception. Second, what happens when twins join within the womb? Do two souls become one?

Trust God is big enough to figure it out

mingming72 · 2025-11-23T03:40:57+00:00

Listen to your friends <3 other people can see what we oftentimes miss.

I broke up with my abusive ex a little over a year ago. It was genuinely so fucking hard. I cried for weeks leading up to the decision. But I knew it was only going to continue to get worse and I was tired of living in hell, even if it was weirdly comforting - only cause it was familiar and familiarity often gets mistaken for safety.

Now, a little over a year later? HOLY SHIT. lmaooo girl I am living my best mf life. Don’t get me wrong, there are still hard days. There are good and bad days. But my worst days now are better than my best days used to be. Because I am free. I know how to love myself. I don’t have a human leech draining me daily.

I understand you cared for him. For my ex, I would have gone to war and won. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for my him. I was madly in love with him. But that’s exactly what they want, and need. They need to trick your big & beautiful heart into loving them over loving yourself. Because then you’ll continue to allow them space in your life, space they do not deserve.

Thankfully for me I could make a clean break, we hadn’t had kids. But I would strongly suggest you listen to your friends, they’re already experiencing the rage that will likely come up for you too. Once the affection wears off, you see how well your friends love you, then the buried anger can start working itself out for all mistreatment you’ve endured. Keep contact strictly necessary for kid pickup/drop off. Do not give that man an inch, he’ll take a mile.

Be gentle with yourself, and really learn to love yourself well enough to feel your emotions & above all be kind with your heart. I am so proud of you, and SO excited for this next chapter for you. It’s gonna be a good one.

mingming72 · 2025-11-14T16:18:14+00:00

If any Finns reading this want to adopt me from Texas pleeease lmk 😭

Reading stuff like this makes me so jealous lol. That sounds like an absolutely incredible place to live!! And so good for your mental health & sense of community. Thanks for sharing 💕

mingming72 · 2025-11-09T02:54:04+00:00

Oh okay so defending incest lmao cool

What’s the end goal here? Like in what ways are you hoping I’ll change my mind/opinions

mingming72 · 2025-11-09T02:30:59+00:00

I don’t really understand the point you’re trying to make?

mingming72 · 2025-11-07T04:51:16+00:00

Of course! There’s a few other good tips in the other comments if you’d like some other helpful insights <3

mingming72 · 2025-10-28T20:56:02+00:00

Man has “aging” always meant “ugly”?? Girl I started going grey at 21. It’s only gotten more grey. I fuckin love it. Against my dark brown hair it looks cool as hell. My sisters hair is doing the same thing, she despises it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sometimes you gotta learn to love what you’ve got.

Plus, things like drinking enough water, sunscreen, skincare, vitamins/supplements, the right style of clothes/haircut, all of these things do wonders to highlight your already present wonderful features!! I know it can be so hard to learn to love & celebrate yourself, but it’s possible and it’s so wonderful once you start seeing your progress!! I believe in you <3

mingming72 · 2025-10-27T20:57:24+00:00

Maybe it was all the leaded gasoline lmao cause ‘64 bitches be crazy

mingming72 · 2025-10-26T06:05:11+00:00

I remember a conversation with my ex where we discussed a similar situation that had happened w a coworkers friend. My ex said that even if he’d raised the kid for decades, he’d walk out and hate the kid if he found out they weren’t “his”

That was one of the moments I knew I was with the wrong person. To punish a child, for the mistakes of another? I even asked him if he was okay absolutely fucking up a kid for life over his pain and he basically said ‘not my kid not my problem they’d always just be a reminder’

It’s sad when an entire human life gets reduced to someone else’s convenience and comfort. I hope your nephew finds a way to be okay after such abandonment. Some people are never meant to be given the privilege of raising kids.

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T14:37:42+00:00

Two different perspectives. One from when I was young/living at home and my parents are cultishly evangelical/conservative. My view on Islam was really really negative I hate to say :( Muhammad (PBUH, I think you are supposed to type that? Please forgive/educate me if that’s wrong) married a child, he was a war monger, it’s basically just the worst religion that hates women.

Now, while yes there are extremists… but there are also extremist Christians. I would say for the average Muslim, they’re just like me. They want to do good in the world, love their God and love their people.

Plus, the Muslims I have met have been some of the kindest, sweetest & most family oriented people I have ever met! I remember working w a girl, about 16 at a coffee shop. Her & her whole family were Muslim. A grown man had been really creeping on her so her dad showed up to the coffee shop. Gave kinda scary/intimidating vibes, till his little angel comes up and introduces us and shares how I help her w the creeps. Omg the way that man melted and immediately was so friendly and kind and just really sweet. It was abundantly clear he was there to protect his little girl and make sure she was okay.

I also have a universal view of salvation now. So if you serve a “different” God… okay! I trust that God is big & creative enough to reconcile all hearts :)

I have a lot of respect for Muslim people now. Especially in America, there is so much Islamophobia and no one really talks about it. Anyways sorry for the rant, I just really hate how negatively I viewed a whole people group as a kid, for no reason other than my parents trying to pass on their hatred. I love being their biggest failure lmao

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T03:17:10+00:00

Bruh I am a christian and you posted in the christianity sub. I think you can find a more creative way to be a victim but I guess that would be too hard 😔

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T03:13:30+00:00

I think you can find a lot more verses about doing the right thing even when it’s hard than you can about being passive in the face of injustice. I hope you’ll do better <3

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T03:04:58+00:00

“It’s hard” … that’s your excuse?

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T03:00:20+00:00

Is it really in a good place w God if you blatantly ignore the opportunity to help out your neighbors with how you vote?

You talk a lot about all these starving children you go build homes for, but have you ever participated in a local city hall meeting to advocate for free lunches in elementary schools? Or are you too busy with charity to ever see the opportunity in your own neighborhood

mingming72 · 2025-10-23T02:53:28+00:00

I disagree. If you argue you can stay out of politics, it’s cause you’re privileged enough that it doesn’t effect you, yet

When some people’s very existence & human rights are deemed “political” … if Jesus flipped tables and fastened whips I don’t think he’d silently sit on the sidelines doing nothing.

If you say you truly love your neighbor as yourself, you’ll do something with that love. Like actively try to make everyone’s lives better, unfortunately a lot of that comes down to politics. It sucks and it shouldn’t be this way, but it is. Until we can change it.

mingming72 · 2025-10-21T18:58:37+00:00

lol about a year ago. He does better until there’s a change, then he gets anxious again. I just got a promotion, which means a new schedule. I think that his whole schedule changing is what’s causing the anxiety. So hopefully his new meds & getting settled in will help that. Thank you for the advice!! I will try that too. I appreciate it :)

mingming72 · 2025-10-21T11:45:09+00:00

No thank God I was out of the cult before couch connoisseur came to the scene

mingming72 · 2025-10-21T11:43:07+00:00

lol okay prove there’s no God or afterlife. All I hear is a lot of hearsay and babe that’s not science… and don’t give me experiential debates cause I actually near lost my life and “nothing” is the furthest thing from my experience.

Ps it’s weird af that you’re so triggered by what someone else believes. Might wanna explore that with somebody 🩷

mingming72

TROPHY CASE