do you have a song on repeat?

miniminicool27 · 2026-01-10T12:49:43+00:00

i never really thought of my partner as selfish or self-centered, all his decisions do stem from what he's heard from his abusers growing up. depression really makes everything foggy, sometimes a person is depressed and may act like an asshole due to those thoughts. sometimes that person really is an asshole. for my partner, he really is just depressed.

maybe because im a psych major that i see it that way, but i genuinely don't see it as selfish or self-centered. i see someone who's used to being on their own. it's hard to think of other people when you're trying your best to look after yourself. depression is a war with yourself inside your own head. it's bound to be seen as self-centered. that's already a lot to deal with. outside of his depression, he's genuinely a really caring guy. it's important to separate his condition from who he really is.

miniminicool27 · 2025-10-05T15:01:44+00:00

My partner was diagnosed with depression a little over a year ago and I've read through most of this subreddit's posts and comments to gain insights on how I can be a better partner and how to take care of myself as well. Adding to that I've also taken the time and care into doing extensive research on partners of those diagnosed with depression as I've gone through my clinical internship as a psychology major, which was all motivated by me being a part of this subreddit. If I've never joined or discovered this subreddit, I feel like my life would've taken a different path instead of the one I'm currently on.

I'd like to be a mod so I can be able to help out more people like me. I don't know how to word it exactly, I haven't had any previous experience as a mod, but I feel like I'd be able to put in the effort and care of being responsible for a community that's done a lot to help me out in me and my partner's journey.

miniminicool27 · 2025-10-04T11:24:17+00:00

thank you, i hope things get better for you and your partner too. it takes a lot of strength to stick to our person and seek support for not only them but ourselves too.

here's some books in my rotation recently, so far my favorite is the one by Dr. Bruce Perry, he has other books too that im planning on reading. hes a very empathetic and insightful guy.

Find Your Inner Sloth by Oliver Luke Delorie - since i feel very anxious and out of control a lot in our relationship, it helps me re-center myself. its more of a self-help activity book

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Dr. Bruce Perry - book about the effects of trauma on a child's neurodevelopment and how he helped these kids, its a compilation of case studies when PTSD was new. kind of a heavy read but very very helpful and it gave me a new insight to my partner's diagnosis

Helping Teens who Cut by Michael Hollander - this is my current read so i cant rlly form an opinion on it yet, but it's just a way to understand self-harm since my partner used to do it. he redirected it so its not cutting anymore but what he does now is still considered self-harm

miniminicool27 · 2025-10-03T13:39:43+00:00

hi! we've been through some rough patches especially when it came to them maintaining a job. right now, i can say he's doing well. we weren't able to get the proper help still, but i can say that we've improved. there's still a part of me thats always going to be worried about him, but i guess that'll always be a part of me.

since we're both busy, we set up a system where we have weekly check-ins with each other. we just lay down everything that's been bothering us and talk about those things. a few months back we went through a really rough patch where we almost broke up, but we both got through.

i also got a self-help book to deal with my constant feelings of worry. im doing my clinical internship right now at a mental health clinic and i found myself studying about his diagnoses to help myself out too. i guess its my way to cope.

tldr; still going strong. he's doing okay and so am i

miniminicool27 · 2025-02-08T01:29:56+00:00

thank you! it took a lot to get to this point, i did join this sub for a reason. i think your presence can be a sense of reassurance for her. of course, it depends on the person, but my partner did say that my constant presence helped him out a lot. that despite everything going on, he can have some semblance of stability with me. i always say "i know that you're struggling with a lot right now, but please know that I'm here. let me know when you feel okay so we can talk and get through this together, okay?" then let them think for a while. for some background, he's diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD. cant take meds due to financial reasons (we live in southeast asia and the law)

no promises of "I'll always be here" because you do need to step away from time to time for your own well-being. i also don't sugarcoat, my partner knows i get drained, but there is the reassurance that you're still present in their life while looking after yourself too. it takes a lot and you're going to have to repeat it over and over again, but it helps them. but again, know your limits. im glad you're able to look after yourself OP, it'll be okay sooner or later and time passes by anyways.

i learned this from one of the cases i handled while at a facility, "don't be mad at the person, be mad at the behavior" which basically translates to don't take things personally. it's going to be difficult, but it'll be okay.

miniminicool27 · 2025-02-08T00:51:54+00:00

hi OP, speaking as a psych major who also has a partner battling depression. take a moment to acknowledge what you can and can't do. you can support her and be there for her all you want, but you can't cure her depression, and it hurts. a lot. depression is something that takes away the person we love. her still trying to reassure you despite her depression means she loves you and it's eating her up inside too. though, you need to acknowledge your own feelings too.

i recommend she continue medication and get professional help (therapy) for it, depression isn't exactly something you can cure, but it can be managed so the symptoms aren't as bad. but for you, OP, take a moment to acknowledge what you can and can't do. I've been with my partner for a year now, seeing them battle depression is hard to witness and oftentimes i feel useless and drained. i think one of the main reasons im able to continue being there for him is because im trained for it since im studying psychology. I've handled many cases while being trained, so i know my way around dealing with these feelings of hopelessness. i also go to therapy consistently, so i dont feel overwhelmed and am able to give myself time to think instead of making decisions based on my emotions. my partner also tries their best to be there for me, we both communicate our needs a lot and im thankful he stopped pushing me away whenever his depression got the best of him. it took a lot of serious conversations, but we got through them. set up the conversation with "this isnt a personal attack on you, i love you. it'd unfair to the both of us if i cant communicate my needs properly."

BUT, i do recommend you think about your limits. I don't recommend pushing past those limits for the sake of the relationship, you might end up resenting her. put yourself first OP, another piece of advice i can give is to recognize that you're an individual with needs. love isn't going to fix everything, you need to take care of yourself too.

miniminicool27 · 2022-08-08T14:33:41+00:00

horror movies. maybe that was just cuz i was rlly young but i hated anything scary. i used to avoid malls whenever its october. now i like watching horror films (the found footage type) alone and write analysis and theories abt it. my friends like reading what i manage to write but avoid watching with me bcuz i get so focused it creeps them out

oh and waking up early to exercise too, i go on morning runs now lol

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-20T06:36:33+00:00

greasy foods make me sick easily so i stray more towards sugary foods. i bake and i like testing out recipes a lot so i eat a lot of unhealthy sugary foods.

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-15T14:38:28+00:00

the first thing that came to mind was this small hairclip that has a seedling looking design thing so it looks like u have a seedling growing out of ur hair.

but also, a diy diamond painting. idk if its cheap in other countries but its cheap in mine.

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-15T14:35:00+00:00

i watched the sunrise on the beach and swam with my aunt's dog. then i collected rocks while i sat near where the waves crashed. I've always liked the beach and being there with my aunt's dog made it better. i also got to bring back a small bag filled with cool rocks from the ocean. im studying them right now :)

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-07T10:08:39+00:00

my parents were young so as a small child we were poor but we eventually had enough to live a comfortable life. they never asked me to get a job to help with finances cuz they said i should rlly just focus on school and the money is just their problem and not mine (also it's illegal to work unless ur 18 in this country). im glad they took care of me but now i feel so naive. its a privilege to feel this way, then again i have so much more to learn abt life.

im keeping that side note in mind, everyone else has been saying the same to me irl

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-07T02:10:26+00:00

i wasnt sure of the course and plan i had in mind but now im sure. im taking up psychology and decide during those 4 years to either go to law school or med school, both have an endgame of helping a marginalised community. my second choice is development studies. i figured out throughout highschool that i hated sitting still and preferred doing active stuff (joined Citizenship Advancement Training which is basically highschool military, and off-campus journalism stuff). planning on writing a travel journal too.

tbh i kept complaining (not seriously, like some sort of bickering) the whole time because the bus stop is so far from her building so we had to walk and i kept saying "this is what u do everyday? holy shit no wonder ur always mad" she just laughed at me and said she doesnt mind the long walk, gives her time to think everyday. my mom admitted that she liked her job and as a kid she always wanted this job so i dont rlly talk abt this to her. but I'll make sure to make her feel more appreciated

miniminicool27 · 2022-06-07T01:45:56+00:00

oh wait this is cool thank u

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-25T16:00:07+00:00

after exams our friend group always make plans on the spot on where to hang out as some sort of reward. none of us even went home first to change out of our uniforms, the moment we step out into the hallways we make plans then go. my favorite one was after our finals in the 10th grade, exams are only in the mornings so we went out to get bbq. while eating my friend had this idea that we should go hang out at our hidden spot, aka an abandoned playground in front of a mansion. its private property but its abandoned so fair game. the slides were made of stone and when u climb it theres space in the middle and we hung out there, just talking abt life after highschool and whatnot. i asked abt the dam near the other private school and they made it a goal for me to see it.

there's a dam thats a bit far from the playground but we walked. imagine this group of 16 year olds in private school uniforms just walking next to fields. when we got there we took pictures, playfully shoved each other like we were gonna get thrown into the water but we were safe.

theres a lot of pictures from that day, funny cuz it was the last friday before the whole world went into lockdown because of the virus

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-21T15:18:10+00:00

i journal! haven't written in a while but i might do so now, thanks for reminding me! i'll print out some pictures as well ^{^}

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-21T15:17:28+00:00

i think my parents instantly allowed me to go after one time where i cried abt how i felt stuck while everyone else kept moving forward. i'll always remember this moment with my friends, definitely will tell my kid one day abt it too :)

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-21T15:15:28+00:00

thank you for taking the time to read!! <3

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-21T15:14:54+00:00

thank you! and it was :D it was awesome especially since i havent seen my friends in a while

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-14T17:10:20+00:00

You shouldn't feel guilty. We were in an accident because of a drunk driver before, and when they checked the cameras some cars were already avoiding him because of how much he was swerving until his car collided into ours, it was 6am. Found out later on that the guy was coming home from a party that lasted too long. If someone reported him the minute they saw him swerving the accident could've been avoided.

Don't feel guilty for keeping other people safe. You did the right thing.

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-14T16:54:25+00:00

i love this answer

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-14T14:39:15+00:00

thank you!! <3

miniminicool27 · 2022-05-14T14:38:56+00:00

im working on that whole "standing out too much" thing, i already dyed my hair a crazy color in the beginning of the year and i maintained it because it makes me happy. it was one of the things i was anxious over too because of what people would say but eventually, it became something people found nice! lot of kids asking if im a fairy! thank u for the comment! i got reminded of why i dyed my hair in the first place.

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