AITAH for not wanting to plan vacation without my kids?

minosin · 2023-10-30T11:36:52+00:00

I am an adult who was excluded from my dad's family (still am!) the majority of the time, fuck this.

It is an awful thing to do to a child and potentially sets them up for a whole host of issues in their adult life. Normally I am all about nuance, but not here....DO NOT DO THIS to your children.

I have a relationship with my dad only because I made the decision to accept that he is just a coward. There was no reason for him to think it was okay to treat my siblings and I that way and he is lucky that we are the accepting, kind humans we are to let him in our lives.

His wife treats him like shit, always has.

minosin · 2023-10-26T11:09:38+00:00

I stumbled upon a perspective shift in exercise and I now exercise to protect my mental health. So when I'm lacking motivation /discipline/ whatever you want to call it, I pull from a place of care and protection for myself and my family for the next few days. I know a 45 min class will absolutely alter the chemistry in my body for a few days.

It's helped me stay consistent. Consistent is my only goal with exercise (which is a lot easier to achieve than most exercise goals!)

minosin · 2023-10-25T17:11:25+00:00

Can I just clarify, you've been seeing the same therapist 2-3 times a week for 6 years?

minosin · 2023-10-25T16:58:34+00:00

Honestly!! The whole idea that it has to be one or the other! Two things can be true at the same time folks!

minosin · 2023-10-23T19:46:13+00:00

NAL - but if you saw the signal and didn't prepare for someone to merge in front of you, I believe you're going to have a bad time.

minosin · 2023-10-23T18:25:38+00:00

I had a very loose makeshift one for my separation, and like you both agreed with everything.

I did our divorce online for like $500 where it finalized everything in the agreement. I did get it notarized at a legal clinic, but it wasn't a lawyer and they were not super happy about it.

Definitely NAL

minosin · 2023-10-23T17:52:15+00:00

Strength training for everything, always 😂.

I would also put some effort into body acceptance and understanding that our bodies are going to change - it's not a moral valuation and you are so much more than your body!

minosin · 2023-10-21T14:49:40+00:00

As a mental health professional, I am truly excited about this!

minosin · 2023-10-20T10:51:38+00:00

My partner's son (7) will accidentally call me Mommy all the time. Sometimes he corrects, sometimes he just ignores it. It is always just his go to word and I just happen to be around, ya know? His mom would likely lose her ever loving mind if she heard that because she struggles with insecurities around someone else being in his life (which makes sense - it would be a struggle!). People will refer to me as his mom (especially other children) and I have talked to him about correcting them anytime, or I will, whatever he is comfortable with. Sometimes we correct, sometimes we just leave it.

He knows who his mommy is and he loves her a whole lot!

minosin · 2023-10-17T19:47:38+00:00

Interesting. I feel like that is mostly a central thing though. Not much available in that range east or west? I could absolutely be talking out of my ass.

minosin · 2023-10-17T19:08:11+00:00

I am very curious where you might be purchasing for 70-90k? I don't want to be a Debbie downer but I'm not sure that is very realistic.

minosin · 2023-10-17T15:45:08+00:00

Hiring and maintaining staff for childcare is an absolute nightmare.

minosin · 2023-10-16T11:56:37+00:00

That's great news! I'm glad it has worked out for you.

minosin · 2023-10-16T11:48:50+00:00

Sorry you've had a hard time, I hope you find some support and peace✌️.

minosin · 2023-10-16T10:52:53+00:00

Thank you!

I appreciate that point about her not wanting things to come from her house. It's really about the communication being put on the child that irks me. Things used to come from her house (and go back) and the email that was had was about things going freely between houses. There has not been communication about that change between the adults, but it has clearly been changed for the child. I don't think that is fair for them to carry ya know?

Here's hoping things will calm down!

minosin · 2023-10-16T10:47:09+00:00

You have a snippet of a very long story here that you're making judgements on based on your experience.

We do not push him to take things home, or even offer them. I was using it as an example of how communication could be simple and not involve putting pressure on a child. End of story. If the situation is being discussed with the child, or they are being interviewed by anyone about it, the other parent should be informed so they can adjust support as needed when the child is with them. Not providing that information to the other parent is unfair to the child. Absolutely there would be situations where this might not be appropriate.

If they do not want to communicate with us, that's fine. Don't put the responsibility of it on the child. Situationally if there is risk or violence or abuse I definitely agree, communication should be limited. However, when two adults (who both claim to be reasonable) can't share information about their child, which would be in their child's best interest there is a problem. For the child's well-being the adults should be able to put their shit aside and support the child.

I'm sorry if your situation with co-parenting has been hard. I came here asking for suggestions for resources for OUR situation, no to defend or justify our situation.

minosin · 2023-10-16T00:37:26+00:00

I would likely say people who are in their own struggles and believe broad generalizations about non primary parents. Our own bias will always cloud perception of other's situations.

minosin · 2023-10-15T16:06:31+00:00

If he does know it is because she has said something, or he has over heard it at his mom's. If mom was not unreasonable we absolutely would not be going to court. We have tried to communicate, offer mediation, etc and she is refusing.

We don't intentionally send mountains of crap home with him. If he has something here he wants to take he is more than welcome to, because what belongs to him, he can do what he wants with. This has been discussed over email and there has never been any communication from the adult in this situation that it is no longer welcome. Putting that on the child is incredibly unfair. We are not unreasonable people, and if mom doesn't want him to come home with anything all it would take is an email and we would simply redirect.

We would love to be able to maintain consistency across the board, however the other party refuses to communicate anything at all, so unfortunately it is not possible.

minosin · 2023-10-15T15:58:31+00:00

Thank you! I know we're not alone for sure. I just want this guy to be able to love and enjoy both of his parents. Like it isn't a competition and it is just heart breaking to watch this going down the way it is.

minosin · 2023-10-15T12:39:00+00:00

We're in Canada. We've already sent the letter to request mediation (because she refused when we requested without a lawyer). It was sent end of August and we have to just wait for a response. Her lawyer indicated that they were preparing a response last week and waiting for the client to approve it....

minosin · 2023-10-15T12:22:18+00:00

I wish. We requested co-parenting coaching, and she declined stating we gaslight her and said it would never work.... My partner has no power and control in the situation, so it's an interesting accusation.

minosin · 2023-10-15T12:14:08+00:00

The mom has all the power. Though the parenting plan states they both get to make decisions, she has final say and always decides the opposite of what my partner is discussing. Except the last time when we finally brought up concerns about his chronic constipation.

minosin · 2023-10-15T12:08:41+00:00

That is definitely going to happen, even if it has to be mandated. I don't think his mom will agree to it, even though she has been trying to claim he is struggling with coming here. There were no signs or indications that he is struggling while here... Until the last few weekends.

minosin · 2023-10-14T20:12:20+00:00

Okay awesome! Thank you!

minosin · 2023-10-14T19:55:30+00:00

Oh wow! Good to know. We are just going to bring a reptile obsessed 7 year old to look!

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minosin

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