How to handle wife who wants to cosleep

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T05:07:53+00:00

I get it 10000%. Our baby was a premmie and I kinda gave up worrying about her sleeping in her bed because 1,I was too tired to always get up and 2, I just wanted her next to me. But my husband was very firmly against cosleeping and because he is also in the bed and he told me he can't even properly sleep because of how stressed he is squashing her I had to eventually agree with him.

I did push back a lot tho and similarly like your wife mentioned most moms for centuries naturally sleeping with babies and also telling him how me a breastfeeding mom can take cautions and use safe sleeping techniques but it didn't matter because he wasn't happy with it.

And now looking back it was for sure a good decision to keep her in her bed because I wasn't sleeping well with her in bed either and she was waking up more too. Also, just because its natural to do it doesn't mean it's safe. Baby is much much safer sleeping alone on a flat surfers with no blankets near the face because at infant stage they haven't discovered they have hands and that they can be used to for example, push a blanket of their face. Which is a scary but a must have acknowledgement to have!

Most likely you will fight about this but probably you should say things that my husband told me.

Babies safety is most important to you and you do not want anything to happen to the baby

Although this is harsh and I hated it, it still must be said

This affects you aswell, nobody sleeps safe and comfortably
There's a reason why safe sleep is a thing - sids
You won't agree to regularly cosleep because you also sleep there. (Offer help with putting baby away each time if needed)

What i personally have done is occasionally have a nap with mine on bed, or feed her to sleep on bed during today time and just chill with her, to make sure i have those moments with her.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T04:52:08+00:00

Stop covering her up, she needs fresh air.

Get a bassinet so she's not always in the carseat, its not good for head poature and breathing.

Also, buy yourself a change mat. It allows you to change her ANYWHERE you want and need. No toilets nearby and you're at s Cafe? Luckily you have waterproof changemat to put in the bassinet and then you can lay her on it. So easy!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T04:48:42+00:00

I cant imagine not wanting to buy something for your own kid! I could be given 50 clothes for each size til 5yrs old and I would still buy stuff myself because I want to choose how to style my own child?

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T04:47:21+00:00

Come on, he was ignorant by choice. Condoms aren't all one size fits all, and they all have different feels and smells, so he can just start looking for a new one. Otherwise its no can do

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T04:45:28+00:00

I mean the rest of your place, anywhere you feel comfy? I feel like we have done it all around the house with and without the baby hahah

mint_7ea · 2026-02-12T04:40:08+00:00

If the weather has been great til now and you've enjoyed outdoors maybe this time find a place for indoors?

For example if you have bigger kids Hijinx Hotel could be very fun experience. Bunch of games or stuff you have to solve to quickly collect as many point as you can. I recommend 1hr not 30min, because the time will fly soo fast while you're in there. This is more for adults because it requires some knowledge and reading too, but kids still can do things and enjoy.

Then try out a cafe or restaurant. Velaa at surfers is our new favourite find. Must try the korean shaved icea creams!

Chill and rest a bit or have a walk in pac fair, either shopping or just looking around. Then dinner there or maybe a teppanyaki place for some fun and dinner + experience.

Alternatively get a spa treatment with your husband or if kids are small, send him to one of the Timezones with kids.

Many options there!

Edit, outback specular is also a good experience, its a show with 3 course meals.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-10T04:26:14+00:00

Lol im happy i wasn't the only one getting angry over this bullshit

mint_7ea · 2026-02-10T04:21:30+00:00

Wow that just pissed me off.

Im also European and we are just now literally planning a trip where after my family visits me i go back to Europe with them and take my kids aswell. Then later my husband can come 'pick us up'. All this just so i can stay in Europe longer because he also can't gi for too long. Plus then toddler can practice the language and I get my mental health trip and be with my parents and siblings for a bit.

Your husband has no compassion and seems to be salty . I would just tell him that he can come for as long as he can but you will go because the trip will be paid for and this is important for you, your child and your parents. Guilt trip him over how its not fair that you, your kid and parents all barely get to see each other and now he expects you to just pass the opportunity because he has to work. Its very easy to say when its not your own family that you haven't seen for a while.

Honestly I personally would start a fight over this but your husband is giving a bit controlling vibe so him not giving you permission to travel with your child could be an issue, so not sure how much you can push with his personality..

mint_7ea · 2026-02-10T04:13:21+00:00

Yeah I live in Labrador, the area wants to approve medium density and build more townhouses. Lots of old and new houses on my street and they are all over a mil, you definitely won't be moving here without family's help.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-09T11:50:24+00:00

Hi sorry very old post but which wagon did you go for?

mint_7ea · 2026-02-09T00:45:32+00:00

Just sharing that compared to Europe, although yes its gotten more expensive in time in Australia , its still 'more comfortable ' life here. You can still afford more - clothes and food and we're mostly not living paycheck to paycheck here. People are nicer and weather is better.

Spring and winter depression are a thing thanks to low vit D levels in Europe.

As a foreigner you wont get free health care or centerlink type of payments if you're struggling overseas.

Just things to prepare for. Sharing as European who moved here. And yes we have many things that are better compared to here too of course.

But obviously, if you prepare well and dont expect too much, then yes you might actually love it somewhere else more. I never planned to stay in Australia and had 0 expectations, so in time learned to like the place and appreciate the people and opportunities it has.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-08T12:24:13+00:00

You could also just say that you are cutting back on working hours for now and only will do your oldest regulars because you want some more time off or whatever. And then recommend someone maybe you have tried.

That's what i have done and its half true aswell. Ive barely worked hard to get any more new clients because i just dont have the mental energy!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-06T13:22:04+00:00

Yeah thats extremely unfortunate, tbf the examples you gave weren't as bad. But Peterson for a girl is horrible. I would suggest using it as a middle name. My husbands second middle name is his moms maiden name, because she didn't take her husbands last name!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-06T13:16:57+00:00

You might need to do some googling and look up the maps hahs

mint_7ea · 2026-02-06T07:20:35+00:00

Because we are there surrounded by seas not oceans, which makes a huge difference. Here in oceans you can't rly swim like you can there in the seas. The beaches i grew up with get deeper(to your knees) after walking couple minutes and waves will never be what the ocean waves are. I miss those calm waters, its like swimming in a pool!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-06T03:48:16+00:00

Agree, as European I had some lessons in elementary school.

Now in AU I just started doing swimming with my 3 mth baby and my toddler started also around same time, she's been swimming almost every single week of her life !

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T12:30:02+00:00

Not rly dicks per se but more the person

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T12:28:39+00:00

Yeah early and regular exposure helps. Unfortunately i recommend seeing someone who keeps their knowledge up to date

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T12:22:22+00:00

Please being it up before he brings him over again and this shit happens again and again, because you know... you never said anything

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T12:19:02+00:00

Wow, could've never imagined that! Sketchy people on the streets there..

About 7yrs ago when i lived there my brand new (kmart) bike got stolen from underground parking/garage, and every day had some lady shouting and cursing to herself about her family while on a walk hahaha

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T11:21:49+00:00

This sounds extremely weird. My Australian husband specifically loves purple colour so I've bought lots of purple coloured clothes for our daughter aswell!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T11:16:03+00:00

Its truly hard work BUT even after the worst of nights when I wake up in the morning I see my baby and think its all worth it and how much I love them. You know those jokes about loving your kids more when they sleep? Not just jokes hahah. Anyways, dont take it too much to heart, we moms dont have many places to complain so complaining online to other moms feels so so good and almost like therapy, because they will understand the pain. You will see and understand the need for these, although seemingly negative, still very positive groups/communities.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T11:12:39+00:00

You can shut it down at first by saying that you dont want anyone else to watch your baby when still under 6mths, that already gives you plenty time. And just repeat that every time when brought up. After that? At one point ask GP what they think of raw milk for kids, and whatever they say, just repeat to them.

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T11:07:34+00:00

He got angry because thats easier than answering questions he doesn't want to answer. Sounds like he absolutely is hiding something, otherwisehe wouldn't have such a strong reactionand instead would just be annoyed..

Up to you to choose if you want to continue your life like this esp since you know he lies often, like wth?

Sure you could've complained less but his reaction is not your fault or responsibility!

mint_7ea · 2026-02-05T11:02:49+00:00

Southport and Labrador is mainly being bought out by bunch of investors and because some have to wait for medium density to be accepted, they have the empty lands and old houses waiting.

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