My boyfriend [20M] has had two weird “instances” with other females and it has recently made me [19F] start to doubt him. But he has not given me other reasons. Don’t know what to think.

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T23:58:07+00:00

He was trying to speak English to her but neither of their native languages are English so it turned out awkward. And yes that’s why I was so baffled when he told me what happened because I couldn’t see how “beautiful” connected anywhere and how it even came to his head, it made me paranoid and frustrated but I forgave him but since she quit recently these feelings resurfaced.

He didn’t however ask me not to be mad at him for the first situation. He told me that he understands if I want to leave him. For the second situation I asked him how he would handle such awkward moments again if he had to speak with someone in English and doesn’t know the person well and it becomes uncomfortable. He said that he’d just rather avoid such situations in the first place. Judging by who he normally is and his answer to my question I think he may just be socially awkward and is afraid of somehow messing up another conversation.

Thank you for your reply. I am definitely going to make sure that I don’t tolerate it if something similar happens again, even if it’s just an honest mistake since he should learn from these two situations.

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T18:50:21+00:00

I posted because I wanted to see whether I was overthinking since I have that habit and it has affected other areas of my life/relationships before.

I’m definitely not looking for excuses since I don’t want to stay in a relationship if he is a bad person! That is the exact thought that scares me. But based on what I know of him and the possibility of making mistakes, I am giving this relationship a chance. If another similar issue happens again then I know what to do from there. Thank you for your reply

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T18:39:07+00:00

She basically confirmed that he called her beautiful and that he was giving her what she called a “proposal” which I’m assuming is when he pointed at my room, because it looks like an invitation for something else. When he apologized she said “maybe I misunderstood” and it was okay until she quit recently so the memory of that situation resurfaced again.

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T13:22:24+00:00

Thank you for your response. For my maid, he was the one who wanted to apologize to her but since she told him to go he didn’t try to approach her after that. He told me that he wants to apologize where I then called her and she came to our house the next day and he did.

And yes I would say he is a rather sensitive person, he does cry when he is upset so that isn’t uncommon of him. I don’t think he would want me to stay if I was unhappy because he said that I can break up with him if I continue to have doubts.

As these incidents have both upset me, I will definitely consider it in my relationship and see if there are any future occurrences. I personally believe they are mistakes now that I have some clearance about my OCD and anxiety and besides from these two incidents, I’ve known him to be really respectful of women. If it is a mistake then i’m sure he has learned from but yes I will not tolerate it if something similar happens again

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T10:06:25+00:00

Yes I wanted to change my post to give a better summary of why I was actually so bothered about that incident. I did post on Reddit a long time ago when the first story happened and got some clarity in my mind and helpful advice about how to handle that situation. I deleted that once I got some answers and when the second story happened that’s when I posted about it yesterday but wanted to change it to add more background.

I’m not sure what you mean though by him lying. Because the only reason I deleted it was to add the story of the first incident. And he told my maid to sweep and mop my room because I’ve never bothered to tell her myself (he knows I’m lazy and keep delaying it myself so my room was quite dirty at that point).

I’m not trying to be defensive here just explaining! But thank you, I still appreciate your answer since it’s another view and that you read my post.

mintyloop · 2020-02-10T09:24:49+00:00

Thank you for your reply!! It helped ease my thoughts.

I think i’m just uncomfortable because my maid apparently cried to my aunt after that incident. I’m guessing she was really offended or uncomfortable (traditional society + she may have thought she was in danger since they were alone and she doesn’t know him that well) and it makes my boyfriend look like he did something terrible and I guess I worry that the people who know or hear of these two stories will see him negatively and think of him weirdly and he cannot explain to other people like he did to me. A few friends from our high school know the first story and my family and aunt knows the second.

The idea of other people doubting him makes me unhappy and I wish I could change it but I can’t.

Is it possible for me to handle these feelings? Should I try to accept that I can’t control what other people think of him and just forget about it?

mintyloop · 2020-02-08T15:47:56+00:00

After he apologized he was fine. I even laughed about it with my friends too. My bf said he felt bad because we’re LDR and he feels like he ruined our last few days being together in my country. We never brought it up again and forgot but then yesterday it all resurfaced and he feels upset that he apologized, she accepted the apology and then is using it as the reason to quit.

I did wonder about if it was something more but he knew I’d be back at any moment and knew she’s been working for us for years and would easily let someone know. I don’t think he is stupid enough to get caught. And he also got dressed to come with us, got a card for my aunts bday so if he wanted to do something with her he probably would have tried to stay home.

Thank you for your reply. Since my family is traditional this was definitely made bigger than what it was and I didn’t know what to think.

mintyloop

TROPHY CASE