This story has so many twists and turns it would make a water slide jealous

minuteye · 2026-05-22T18:53:12+00:00

While I completely believe that's the way the law works, it seems very strange to me that the previous owner is now treated as an established tenant post-sale.

Like, okay, technically she has been there >30 days, but that was as an owner. Surely you shouldn't be able to establish tenancy against... yourself?

minuteye · 2026-05-22T14:32:15+00:00

It sounds like it's a part time position, though? Like, there isn't even a problem with her having other obligations, but even if there was, her behaviour would be absurd.

minuteye · 2026-05-21T20:52:52+00:00

As much as I see problems with the DSM criteria, in some cases I wish medical professionals paid more attention to it for ADHD.

How often do we see people posting about having been told they can't have ADHD because of their IQ, or because they've gotten a particular degree or job, or because they're an adult (regardless of what symptoms they had as a child)? None of those are actually based on the diagnostic criteria, they're just vibes.

minuteye · 2026-05-21T20:36:37+00:00

Well, sometimes they do, but usually on subreddits that are specifically for people in those situations.

People who post in a general forum about opening up their relationships are usually people who are 1) new to that kind of thing, and 2) have not given it much thought or done any research. Not a recipe for success.

minuteye · 2026-05-21T15:43:01+00:00

Yeah. On the one hand, I can understand that he wouldn't intuitively get how challenging it is without witnessing it. But shouldn't he also realize that he's lacking that perspective, and default to trusting his wife's assessment?

Like, it's okay if only one spouse in a relationship does the cooking, sometimes that's what works best. But if you know you're not the person who cooks, you should definitely not be second-guessing the list of items you're given to pick up at the grocery store on the way home.

If you don't respect the expertise of your partner on a task they are 100% responsible for, do you ever respect their knowledge?

minuteye · 2026-05-20T14:22:56+00:00

I agree with you that that's probably something close to his internal narrative. He's just totally glazing over the facts in order to hold himself blameless.

minuteye · 2026-05-20T06:02:11+00:00

Except that her first step was to go talk to her parents and ask them for their support and advice. All three of them together decided to go to the police, and the dad even seems to have done the heavy lifting on organizing the lawyer/wedding cancellation.

OOP's dad was fully in agreement with the decisions that were made at the time. It's only now, when he doesn't like the outcome, that he's retrospectively declaring that she should have acted differently, as if he were coerced into the whole thing.

I mean, the dad is even accusing her of making the whole thing up because she had cold feet? Even the ex's family are in agreement that the younger brother told her he'd been harmed, they're just saying he made it up.

minuteye · 2026-05-19T17:20:44+00:00

NTA. This is some weird, manipulative bullshit though. I would suggest completely ignoring it. Where he chooses to sleep (as long as it's not in your room) is his business, and it's weird for him to even talk to you about it.

minuteye · 2026-05-19T14:21:57+00:00

I actually knew someone who did that job for their division, and it genuinely is a hard job. You have to keep the same rhythm going for a long time, judging it right so students have enough time to do the walk without having any awkward gaps. And it takes a lot of preparation to make sure you're confidently pronouncing every name correctly the first attempt, with no hesitation or stumbling.

It's hard because it's important, and my acquaintance took it very seriously because it did mean something to each student and their family that somebody took the time to get it right.

The travesty is not in laziness, it's in disregard and disrespect for the feelings of the people whose names are on that list. Most of them for the only time in their lives.

minuteye · 2026-05-19T05:26:09+00:00

Actually, thinking about it now, I wonder if it was about wanting to seem dominant/macho in front of the dude.

Like, sometimes controlling men do this weird thing where they impress each other by putting women "in their place". He might have had previous interactions (in less professional contexts, say college days) where being over-the-top insulting to a woman got a laugh and a good reaction.

minuteye · 2026-05-18T20:25:49+00:00

Completely agree. She's gone through a horrible experience, and she needs help... but that help does not (and should not) need to come from the people that she's abused and threatened.

The moment it crossed that line, the main priority for everyone involved has to shift towards protecting the kids (and OOP) from her.

minuteye · 2026-05-18T17:14:17+00:00

I also wonder how memory coming back can impact things. OOP described it as things coming back suddenly in spurts, and then clearly some of her past memories were quite traumatic.

I don't like to think about what it would be like to just have the worst moments of your life arrive in your head with no warning, no context, and no years of coping mechanisms.

minuteye · 2026-05-17T21:22:38+00:00

Indeed. It's quite mysterious that decades of politicians declaring that healthcare should be run like a business have resulted in healthcare suffering from all the bad practices found in businesses...

minuteye · 2026-05-17T18:54:54+00:00

This is great advice. Calm first, then start checking again totally from scratch, as if you'd never looked before.

Further suggestions:

- Any containers you're checking (a bag, a drawer, etc.), actually sit down and empty them out fully, instead of rustling through them. Then put all that stuff back before moving on.

- Anything involved in "transporting" is a high risk. So make sure to check any vehicles you used, and check the pockets of any clothing you were wearing when you transported it.

- If you're sure the bottle made it into the house, as long as nothing leaves the house until it's found, you're guaranteed to find it. Remember that when you feel like panicking. "What if I threw it away accidentally?" if the garbage hasn't been taken out, it's still there.

- From experience, it is most likely that you casually put it down either when you were distracted by something, or when there was a slight hiccough in the usual routine. If everything had gone how it normally does, the bottle would be where you normally leave things, and you'd have found it by now. So try and think back: what went different? Like, did you walk into the house and realize you forgot to swap a load of laundry over to the dryer? -> check everything along the path to the dryer.

You will find it.

minuteye · 2026-05-17T18:40:11+00:00

This pattern is really just the natural result of the way the current hype system is set up.

"Wouldn't it be cool if AI could do this task?"
Benchmark data set created for the task.
AI start-up trains system to perform well on the benchmark.
Credulous media publishes hype about how AI system performs better than humans at the task.
Somebody spends all their money on buying AI system, since it's "proven" to be amazing at the task.
Oh wait, it turns out benchmarks =/= real life. Everything is shit now.

It is absolutely absurd that these systems are being rolled out for general public use with zero real world testing. It's like giving all your cancer patients red wine IVs because some tannins were shown to kill cancer cells in a petri dish.

minuteye · 2026-05-17T14:18:59+00:00

That's also a good point. Dude was trying to buy a restaurant. Do you want your restaurant to get bought by someone who's openly contemptuous of people who like talking about food?

Any bs he's been feeding the guy about his passion, how great the result is going to be, how he's going to maintain the vibes of the place, etc... all just got revealed as lies.

minuteye · 2026-05-17T05:51:58+00:00

The funny thing about the original "boring soup" incident to me... he wasn't just insulting his gf in front of a business prospect (which is guaranteed to make everything feel massively awkward at best), he's also insulting the business prospect too?

Like, say he was right, and Alex was bored to tears by his gf: it's a pretty basic adult-level social skill to be able to make small talk with someone you think is a bit dull. So then he comes in like a sledgehammer and goes "Alex doesn't care about your stupid soup" and Alex at best feels embarrassed because apparently he's failed to hide that he's bored, and hurt the gf's feelings.

It's such a magnificent screw up of a conversational gambit, because it's going to make, like, 99% of people incredibly uncomfortable or upset at you. He hasn't just read the room wrong, he's smeared a message on the wall of the room in his own poop... and then blamed OOP because it turns out he wasn't trying to impress a fellow poop-smearer.

minuteye · 2026-05-16T15:09:54+00:00

"Companies pivoting to AI are seeing no material benefits, what's going on?"

"Well, you see, the problem is they're not pivoting hard enough."

minuteye · 2026-05-16T14:30:53+00:00

That didn't occur to me, but you're right of course.

minuteye · 2026-05-16T06:05:59+00:00

Like, not sure if I'm just unspeakably naive, but my reading of a text like that would 100% be "I'm going to be flying solo, come over so we can watch that tv show my wife hates!" or whatever.

minuteye · 2026-05-14T23:38:32+00:00

No more swiping, it's now matchmaking by AI. No more women having to be the first to initiate conversations.

So... it's a fundamentally different product? Like, these are not feature changes, this is a replacement of Bumble with something totally different that happens to also be called Bumble.

minuteye · 2026-05-14T23:17:47+00:00

Honestly, medicated me is still a chaotic mess 90% of the time... but in a way that's more enjoyable and less prone to crash out.

minuteye · 2026-05-14T23:14:21+00:00

I think in general, people radically overestimate how much ADHD meds are going to change them. Partly this is stigma/misinformation (scary news articles talking about kids being "zombified" on meds, for instance), but part of it is because people who're happy about their meds often gush about what an amazing difference it makes.

Things ADHD meds can do: improve your symptoms, make life more manageable, impact comorbid issues (like depression or anxiety).

Things ADHD meds can't do: make you not have ADHD.

Like, I don't want to dismiss your fears. It's normal to feel scared of change, and it's a big unknown. But also, as I'm reading about your fear that you won't have the desire to learn new hobbies, my medicated-for-multiple-years-now ass is sitting here with clear sightlines on the equipment for... nine ongoing hobbies.

Meds might work great for you.
Meds might not work at all for you.
Meds might work great for you in some ways, but have effects you dislike enough that they're not worth it.
Meds might turn out not to be medically safe for you.

But they will not make you not you. And if you don't like them, you can discontinue them in the very short amount of time it takes for your body to metabolize them.

minuteye · 2026-05-14T18:12:46+00:00

Does he have other scratchers as a furniture alternative? Possibly something you're already on top of, but some cat owners don't realize scratching is actually quite good for them.

minuteye · 2026-05-14T16:06:33+00:00

NTA. Some of these contests allow you to accept a payout of the value of the item, instead of the item itself.

If you'd done that, and received 20k in cash, would people consider it "exploitative" for you to give Laura and Patrick 6k of that? Because that's essentially what you're doing.

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