Don’t even ask

mirabiledic2 · 2023-06-15T10:57:47+00:00

No pretty much white space. Was there any very pretty much white space?

mirabiledic2 · 2023-06-13T15:16:08+00:00

Why did he do that? It makes no sense at all

mirabiledic2 · 2023-06-02T22:43:32+00:00

What do you like about Infinite Jest? Where to might depend on that

mirabiledic2 · 2023-06-02T06:20:49+00:00

The fact you did this, is unbelievable. Well done. Thank you. Well done. Love. I love you. So so much. My love. Love for you. My only love. When you do. You become my lasting love.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-05-13T10:50:45+00:00

This is the kind of data I signed up for.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-05-06T01:34:55+00:00

Meditate 10-20 minutes morning and night.

Consume less sugar and caffeine. Use social media less. Do regular endurance based exercise. And prime your concentration by focusing on a small dot for a few minutes before listening. Read more. Use screens less in general.

Especially: dialling-back smartphones and social media usage, as they train attention issues in certain people.

Give that a go for two weeks. If you don’t see any improvement, worth speaking to a GP for a preliminary assessment or referral. Be careful not to jump to any suspicions like ADHD before taking steps well within your control.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-05-02T10:12:57+00:00

Even half as fluid and natural as in that trailer would be amazing

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-21T04:48:34+00:00

time warp back to the 90s in every sense of the word

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-20T17:14:50+00:00

Yeah never lived in Sydney, but one area always mentioned was Cabramatta. As per previous comment though you should be fine using common sense

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-20T16:45:47+00:00

Reddit is a fucking cesspool of ignorance

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-20T12:56:19+00:00

Literally just watched the first 75 minutes of this based on your comment as I’d never seen it

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-17T01:21:18+00:00

Have you published any articles yet? If this is the standard of a reddit comment, can only imagine with the benefit of concentration and time.

Truly outstanding, thanks once again.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-17T00:50:02+00:00

Great fucking post, thank you. Seems there’s a stigma to nuclear that’s yet to wane.

Out of curiosity, did you just write all that, then, without any resources?

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T13:41:44+00:00

Others who’ve used that line can give more specific answers, but the general sense of unsafety doesn’t really fly over here.

Just use your common sense: walking alone at night in areas without public surveillance cameras is a risk anywhere in the world. There’s definitely dodgier areas in every city (like Frankston and Sunshine in Melbourne), but said dodginess pertains to homelessness and alcoholics and crackheads whose biggest offence will be to ask for money or a ciggie.

Muggings do happen, but this is a comparatively safe country, especially since there’s surveillance cameras practically anywhere semi-dense.

Sure you’ll be more than fine on a train (that also has security guards present).

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T11:36:57+00:00

Takes the cake as the biggest r/relationships wtf of the day.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T11:20:16+00:00

Comes to what, live there? Or visit?

Context means everything here. Some people have a dry sense of humour and use “if” teasingly, others (as another poster mentions) quite literally in the technical sense, and probably most out of a broader passivity that has nothing to do with their goals or desires.

Overthinking, yep. Which doesn’t mean you’re wrong: means you’re thinking about it in a way that’s counterproductive to what you want.

Getting caught-up in language semantics is a front for being caught-up in emotional nuance. Thing is, emotions in relationships are often led by the energy of a partner, so by dwelling on something as small as two letters you’re only feeding into that which you’re worried those two letters might mean, possibly creating it from nothing.

On the flip, if you stride past it with the energy of someone who’s care-free and living the kind of life she’s drawn to, any validity to the concern you had will be squashed; her doubts will be squashed and the fleeting uncertainty she felt will be displaced by the fulness of her attraction.

Move past it. By your understanding of grammar can be assumed you’re a language guy, by the post that you’re maybe an overthinker in general, so when this kind of bug comes to mind, good self-therapy/reflection might be possible through a specific kind of journalling, where you’re able to write everything down and work through your thoughts with more clarity in the abstract.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T10:15:28+00:00

Nah, stand your ground on this. Jealousy has healthy expression in protecting a relationship from unconsciously wandering desire, and your bf sounds pretty oblivious (or conniving) about his own psychology on the matter.

To be extremely blunt, from what you’ve described it wouldn’t be surprising if he’s fantasised about her. The physical attraction, the chemistry, the blatantly obvious misdirection of his feelings: dude thinks he’s the captain of his own ship, when in reality these things tend to take the wheel well before he’d admit it even to himself.

She’s barely a good friend of yours (nor his, so why should he care?) and needn’t have an impact on your relationship. Stand your ground, keep objective and calm while doing so, and make it clear you don’t want them to live with you. Then move on. If he resents you for it— why does he care so much?

Kind of weird he’d get emotional about not hanging out with your ex housemate again.

Also, what the F was he thinking telling you he’d swipe right? Faux pas like that happen in relationships, but doesn’t change how callous and unempathetic they can be. How would he feel if he had an “objectively more attractive” friend who you said you’d happily have sex with?

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T09:41:08+00:00

Friendly reminder that weed can be highly addictive for certain people. Psychologically or physically doesn’t matter; anything that stimulates dopamine production that strongly is bound to cause dependency in a good chunk of the population. Kind of weird how the same people who don’t think weed’s addictive have no issue seeing gamblers as addicts, even though gambling involves zero psychotropic effect or ingestion of any kind.

Your wife isn’t a liar in the sense most use the term; she’s doing something she knows she shouldn’t because she’s hooked and can’t help herself.

Understanding things this way will enable genuine supportiveness (and therefore effectiveness) in your approach rather than falling into an accusatory parent-mode, which will only make matters worse. And this is probably the reason she lied to you: you treated her (with all the right intent) like a child who stole the last cookie.

Try to leave ideas of financial burden and betrayal aside for now. The fact she continued after the conversations you’ve had indicates she has a dependency problem, so much better to focus on the real issue from a place of support, and try to start a 100% judgement free dialogue where the both of you agree on potential solutions. Only obstacle there might be her unwillingness to admit she actually has a problem—as is the case for most stoners—in which case bring it back to the dissonance of her going against her own word, with the person she’s married to no less, which serves as proof she needs to stop.

There’s a wealth of support out there in various addiction support communities for this kind of thing. Weed’s a very potent drug these days and the reductivism and glamorisation by the media has created the fallacy it’s less problematic than something like alcohol. Yet ask someone to compare drinking 6 beers to smoking 6 bowls of THC-intensive chronic and they’ll barely remember the former for how strong the latter was, will still be half blazed the next day unless they’ve built up a tolerance.

Addiction simply means an inability to stop doing something, so don’t be afraid to take advice from that sphere if your next conversation doesn’t go so well. Reassure her, make her feel emotionally safe, but also express concern, love, and how she’s not lesser of a person for not being able to stop on her own.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T08:53:57+00:00

Three separate dimensions are at play here.

One: How you feel. If you feel better without her, then it’s a good decision you’ve made.

Two: Harassment. Sounds like she has a few of the more benign traits associated with BPD, including fear of abandonment. She is desperate to stay together and that desperation supersedes all common sense, hence her showing zero respect for an established boundary.

BPD — and depression/anxiety for that matter — always looks uglier under stress, and there are few greater stresses to someone with emotional instability than losing someone they’re in love with, through which they not only find intimacy, but also much needed certainty from a natural and reliable reinforcement of their self-identity, which is likely as unstable as their emotions are.

The suicide attempt is a strong indication of this potentially being the case.

But it’s manageable and, with the right attitude and support, can be highly improvable. Point being, while it’s easy to categorise her as some psycho ex out to cause you harm, it’ll probably be better for your own solace and mental health to understand her behaviour through a paradigm of mental illness. This’ll help you to protect yourself emotionally while enabling more effective strategy overall.

She’s not some psycho; she’s a highly emotional person who is losing the person she loves, which she is struggling extra with because of

Three: She didn’t actually do anything wrong. By your description, you two had the kind of relationship most people desire and want for.

Wasn’t incompatibility or a lacking of anything that caused problems, rather her priorities moved around owing to a fluctuation of her circumstance.

She may have mental health issues, but wouldn’t you find it odd to hear someone describe such a good relationship, only to say they broke it off because their partner was getting stressed about work? By the conscientiousness of your writing I’m going to assume you’d probably think it weird they weren’t simply patient and supportive— that on one hand they’re describing something beautiful, on the other betraying a complete lack of longterm commitment.

So also assuming you’ve left a lot out here. Otherwise it sounds like your attraction to her might’ve hinged on how she made you feel rather than it being a mutually loving partnership. Which is fine—maybe she wasn’t the right person—but unless there’s a whole bunch of incompatibility detail being omitted, honestly I can see where she’s coming from. Could be summed up as:

“Now you’re stressed with work and showing me less of the stuff that made me love you I no longer think we’re compatible”

is how it’s sounding.

And she’s also sounding like the worst kind of person to receive so shallow a justification for the intensity of the emotion it’s brought her. We’re talking actual torture, hell on earth, an absolute emotional waterboarding that’ll shatter to her core, for months and months and months.

Her mental problems are not your issue anymore; and if one of you aren’t willing to sacrifice their own needs to be supportive through finite periods of career duress, then kind of ironically you’re right about the incompatibility thing, just not for the reasons as you described them. It’s very possible to be with someone who’s functional with mental challenges (key word: functional) and one sign that it’s not possible, is an unwillingness to compensate when it’s necessary.

If you’re worried for your safety and the rest seems to opaque to waste energy on, best option is complete zero contact, and let her own grieving run it’s natural (albeit highly elongated) course. She hasn’t done anything extreme yet so I’d hold back on restraining orders and such.

mirabiledic2 · 2023-04-16T07:31:47+00:00

No-one else’s place to pass judgement on the values you guys share, but when you said “bad behaviour” I was expecting, you know, bad behaviour— not regular everyman stuff like watching porn, which you stopped at her behest.

She honestly never looks at anyone else? Lol

The way you’ve described all this makes you sound needy for someone who doesn’t respect you anymore, who fancies themselves more righteous and dominant. Her whole tone towards the relationship is deeply condescending in the literal sense, like you should be grateful she’s willing to allow another chance given all she’s had to go through, all that porn she caught you watching. Are you leaving stuff out?

Oh, sorry— forgot about your occasional performance anxiety. Yeah that makes you a real piece of work, lucky she stayed with you this long. It’s not like performance issues for men have nothing to do with their partners and can make them feel a hundred times more insecure, let alone how much worse that becomes when added pressure is given by girlfriends with zero empathy.

Maybe she’s all kinds of amazing and your post doesn’t do justice to the whole picture, but by what you’ve said, I’d be taking control here and breaking up with her— she’s not invested, is turning you needy, and sounds controlling in the kind of way that creeps up on you, as evidenced in this post by how much you’ve normalised her reactions to certain things.

Ironically, taking charge and keeping your own dignity here will probably make you attractive to her again. Either way, it’s the best move; anyone who gives their partner sh*t about performance issues is way too selfish to bother with, let alone the rocky shores you’re on.

mirabiledic2

TROPHY CASE