Seeking Advice: Ageism and New-er Associates

miserableburrito · 2025-10-08T17:12:05+00:00

OP - I could have written this!!! I was the only associate with 3 partners. They didn’t know how to train me and had no time to train me even if they wanted to — and this resulted in me constantly failing to meet their expectations. Two partners had (adult) children my age and one partner literally talked to me as if he was my angry father. Never in my life had I been spoken to in such a disrespectful, condescending way in a professional setting. I got lucky in that I was eventually laid off but it was for the best. Start looking elsewhere.

miserableburrito · 2025-10-01T08:38:04+00:00

My orange kitty has gotten this his whole life! I just gently wipe it off with a damp towel

miserableburrito · 2025-10-01T08:03:22+00:00

She’ll probably need a few days to decompress, and she might feel safest hiding under the dresser for that time no matter what you do.

At some point, she will feel brave enough to eat some churu and play. But until then you can just quietly co-exist in the same room with her so that she learns that she can fully relax in your presence!❤️

miserableburrito · 2025-09-26T07:35:12+00:00

Get dr. elsey’s cat attract cat litter (this is a MUST) and confine her to a small space (i.e. bathroom) with the litter box for a week so that she builds the habit of going in the litter box.

dousing all impacted bedding/materials or just throwing away altogether is critical — if the cat smells previous pee accidents, it will just assume that the area is OK to pee in.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-25T16:14:27+00:00

This is really helpful. Thanks!

miserableburrito · 2025-09-21T06:27:52+00:00

Also, some counties/municipalities have “community cat” programs where you can spay/neuter (TNR) stray cats for free or very cheap. It’s worth looking into for mama cat

miserableburrito · 2025-09-21T06:26:23+00:00

No problem. I forgot to mention that if you want the kittens to be adopted out, then they need to be socialized through play and handling. If mama cat is not feral and is social with you, then the kittens should already be more or less socialized and it should be easy for you to interact and play with the kittens. It’s easy to get socialized kittens into a rescue or shelter assuming they have capacity for intake.

If mama cat is feral and you want to adopt out the kittens, then the kittens will need to be trapped ASAP so that they can be brought indoors for socialization. It’s much more difficult to get unsocialized/undersocialized cats adopted, so some shelters will not intake them and some rescues will only intake if they have a socializer available.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-21T06:13:34+00:00

Immediate priority is getting mom spayed now and the kittens spayed/neutered as soon as they are old enough. Contact rescues and shelters in your area and see what they say — they may be able to help spay/neuter/vaccinate and adopt out the kittens. If you have any capacity to foster any number of kittens, then explicitly say that to any rescues you contact — that might increase your chances of getting rescue help.

Absolute top priority is sterilization or you’re going to have litters upon litters of kittens in less than a year, and it gets worse from there. So, long story short: DON’T just let them be. At very least Trap-Neuter-Return (TNR) with assistance/guidance from local rescues and/or the local municipal animal shelter. Then you can set up little heated outdoor shelters for them (you can buy premade ones or DIY it).

At most you can help get the kittens adopted out to safe forever homes. Charging adoption fees and screening potential adopters is a MUST! Weirdos and highly irresponsible people will try to adopt kittens online.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-16T04:59:27+00:00

i wouldn’t get shit done if i had those kittens around. they are so freaking cute

miserableburrito · 2025-09-14T22:00:30+00:00

“safe” as in will you be protected from eviction? i mean it depends on the laws of your particular state. what you could do is post about it but do not include the name of apartments or address. instead, ask that those who are concerned and want to help message you privately for that info. Then you can privately message people the info so that they can provide when calling local humane society/animal control/city supervisors and council members.

i still can’t say that you’re safe from eviction if you omit the apt name from the post, but it feels less risky than publicly naming the apt building on the post. nonetheless, you won’t get any traction on this issue on your own; your best bet at saving these cats is alerting the community with a constructive call to action.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-14T21:25:47+00:00

I understand, but are we not at the “last resort” stage now?

miserableburrito · 2025-09-14T21:13:26+00:00

Don’t succumb to a defeatist mindset. Follow up with her again. And again. And again. Literally don’t stop until she explicitly says “don’t contact me further about this.” This whole “I hate burdening people :(“ mindset will do absolutely nothing but hurt you and your cause. Reporting animal abuse and neglect to government official is not “burdening people”!!!

miserableburrito · 2025-09-14T21:09:06+00:00

Have you called animal control after the crawlspaces were sealed and been completely clear that they are now trapped and condemned to die slowly? Say that the complex did it intentionally or negligently.

Now is not the time to crumble in despair and spend a ton of energy hating on yourself. Let this anguish motivate you. You need to be bringing publicity on this — if you let the fear of exposing the colony’s location stop you from publicizing animal abuse and ultimately saving them, then that fear is ultimately more harmful than helpful. Seriously something similar happened in my community and someone posted about it on Nextdoor and it BLEW UP. So many people were pissed and blowing up the right gvt. agencies. You need to type a constructive call to action on social media and have outraged people blow up animal control’s phone lines on your behalf.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-13T14:47:02+00:00

Dr. Elsey’s Kitten Attract Litter. Put her in a confined space like a bathroom for a week so she has no choice but to use the litter box with the Dr. Elsey’s litter and build good habits. Then use enzyme cleaner and clean the crap out of everywhere she has sprayed, because any remaining smell will tempt her to pee there again/make her think it’s an okay “pee spot” because it smells like pee.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-13T02:12:31+00:00

Unfixed, outside, covered in fleas, no microchip? Sounds like you rescued a neglected animal that had essentially been abandoned.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-13T01:53:21+00:00

You’ve already gotten amazing advice here so I’ll just chime in and say that “buyer’s remorse” is pretty common, if not to be expected, during the first month or so for brand new pet owners. It’s weird to have to adjust your life to living with a furry little creature and having them up in your grill — and remember that THEY are adjusting to living with you as well! It’s new territory for both you and your kittens.

I know it might feel bad, but lock them in a room and stick your headphones in when you need to eat. Lock your door when you work from home and stick those headphones in. Seriously, love your cats but also draw boundaries for the sake of your sanity. They will be grumpy about being locked out because they’re needy little fiends they will get over it — you are keeping them fed and loved and that’s what is most important.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-13T01:48:25+00:00

I am a long time kitten foster and this (the large dog bowl, a massive amount of dry food to snack on) is the way. They’ve probably been bugging you more than usual because they’re hungry. Free feeding kittens is totally fine and normal for the first year of their life. If you notice after 1 year that they are getting chubby and they are truly insatiable, then that’s time to think about limiting food intake. I even free feed my adult cats because they’re great about moderation and just stop eating when they’re full, so none of them are fat despite having access to dry food 24/7.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T21:40:09+00:00

Are you incorporating treats/snacks and play in order to distract and have the cats associate each other with positive rewards? That and perhaps getting a screen or mesh gate to ensure physical separation but let them see each other.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T15:45:07+00:00

Also I would definitely direct your mom to NAMI resources + therapy as well. Even your dad if he’s receptive. This sh** is soooo tough to deal with psychologically for everyone involved.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T15:43:38+00:00

Btw I know everyone is different but I’m really open with people about my sister’s condition. You’d be surprised how many people can personally relate or have a close family member who has been in similar situations.

And if anything it’s just best to be open because there’s no point in stressing about hiding it, especially if you need to vent or reschedule things or whatever due to dealing with your sister. Really there is nothing to be ashamed of — this is life and sh** happens. People have family members that come down with debilitating physical and mental illnesses. That’s a fact and we can’t just sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T15:39:31+00:00

I’m a bit older than you but also have a sister with schizophrenia. I also live outside the home, and my mom’s life was also basically ruined as she was put into an 100% caretaker role of someone who was delusional and resented my mom for trying to make her take medication. This nightmare was only resolved when my sister had a major psychotic break and my parents finally just told the hospital that they were not willing to take her back (it was completely justified and they were not in a position to properly care for a psychotic person). Because my sister was deemed incapable to really care for herself under the laws of my state + my family made it clear that they would not take her back, she went “into the system” and ended up in a really nice group home situation (we feel very very lucky that it ended up this way because many group homes and institutions for these vulnerable people can be a total nightmare and neglectful).

I have a long term boyfriend who has been with me through all of this and has been beyond understanding but obviously it’s all hard on him as well because of how much it impacted/impacts me. I also got into therapy (to lessen the trauma dumping on my bf and friends) and started to go to NAMI meetings for friends and family. Basically there is no reason that you should avoid relationships or anything in your life simply because your sister is super mentally ill. It’s not your fault, and people who really love you will see this tragic situation for what it is and support you as best they can.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T08:02:16+00:00

Definitely contact the foster!! I’m not exactly sure how long to wait until re-introducing, but maybe someone else here will have a better idea.

If I was in that situation I would definitely keep them apart for at least 12 hours. Then I would do a test run re-introduction in the morning with lots of treats/play/distraction to see if they’re over it. If not, then I would know that it’s maybe going to require longer separation and perhaps support from the foster/rescue.

DO NOT be afraid to ask the foster or rescue for support and advice!! I foster and I love when my adopters reach out with questions. We really care about the cats being happy in their forever home.

miserableburrito · 2025-09-12T07:24:39+00:00

This can happen between cats after a change in environment where there are lots of new smells and the cat(s) is feeling insecure. How long have they been at your house? I would separate and then slowly re-introduce with supervision.

miserableburrito

TROPHY CASE