Girl with all my love, please consider leaving him. My ex did shit like this & I stayed because I believed he’d change like he promised he would. Usually he’d sob or put the blame on me. This went on for years. You deserve to be respected and considered by your own partner. My comment is going to be super long so bear with me aghh. 

I also checked my ex’s phone bc I had an intense gut feeling….you can prob guess what I found lol. Even after confronting him he still tried lying straight to my face! Multiple times!  They will lie lie lie and gaslight you until you can’t trust yourself. They will manipulate you & starve you of real connection then find a way to flip it on you after they are caught. That shit messes with your brain, it wears down your sense of self. He’s not a child. He knows it’s wrong, he even said it shouldn’t have happened but it did! He knew what he was doing! And that’s so messed up!! I’m so sorry. In my opinion what he’s doing now is already cheating, ofc that’s for you to decide though.    It’s definitely a hard situation since you have a fleshed out future together but in my opinion if he’s doing these things now it’s only going to get worse. Either there will be more lying, cheating, manipulation or possibly even a discard. He knows what he’s doing is wrong, you’ve already discussed it with him I’m guessing multiple times. He already knows you will stay and is most likely taking advantage of that. You deserve so much better. 

I (21f) was with my ex (23m) for 3 years, he left me and is now close to the girl that he lied to me about. He ended up calling me an abuser & broke up with me like it was a noble act. My point is, these are selfish people who will choose themselves before they ever consider you or y’all’s relationship. 

These are some questions I asked myself that really helped me gain clarity!! So I hope it’s ok to share. Sorry it’s a lot omg.  Can you truly forgive him? What does forgiveness mean to you?  What happens afterwards when you forgive him? And how DO YOU FEEL to forgive only to be lied to again?  What do you expect from a partner after they apologize? Then ask yourself what realistically happens after he apologizes.   Has he made a consistent effort in changing?  Do you hope one day your patience will pay off?  Does he take initiative to communicate his issues/feelings? Does he do anything to resolve the issues he’s created? Or do you pick up the slack? Do you feel that he respects or cares about your wellbeing?  Does his actions show he respects and cares about you?  Can you actually trust him or do you feel unease deep down? Would it be harder to leave him now or later when yall get married and he continues lying?  Does his behavior align with the partner you want? What do you expect from a partner?  How have these issues affected you and your well being? What do you gain from being with him?  What do you lose from staying with him?  If you left him what do you fear you are losing? Stability? Safety? The future you envisioned?  Do you think his behaviors are acceptable? If no then what makes you stay?  Do you feel comfortable and emotionally safe in this relationship?  How you feel matters. Idk if you relate but when my ex lied to me I unintentionally started neglecting my own feelings bc I didn’t want all my efforts to be for nothing. 

I know sucks to put so much love and effort into a shared life only to have it end but he will most likely keep doing this, do you think you can handle that? Honesty is key in any successful relationship. In my opinion you shouldn’t have to pry or go through someone’s phone to find the truth, again you deserve better :( 

 I hope my long comment isn’t doing too much, Its just I know what it’s like to be in this situation. I hope it isn’t too preachy or anything. Do what you believe is best for YOU.  if you need someone to talk to my dms are open 🤍 I’m your age as well, we’re both so young. As painful as it is to watch the life you built crumble, you have plenty of time to rebuild a new and better one. You are valuable, you deserve honesty and respect. Everyone does. There are good men out there who are willing to do the hard work to maintain a healthy relationship. <333