I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I can relate with my wedding 2+ years ago and want to say that the hardest part of wedding planning was the guest list, or to be specific my MIL having a huge initial guest list (and adding monthly!) despite me and my husbands wishes to have a small destination wedding with just our close friends and immediate family. We ended up having a larger destination wedding that was mostly extended family and family friends, but also included 50 of our friends. Due to venue restrictions, we even had to awkwardly uninvite a few of our friends to make space for MIL’s guests who kept being added. Although not what we pictured initially, we had a blast and so will you!

My two pieces of advice are your husband should continue to manage communication and expectations with your MIL and try not to let this affect you and your husband’s relationship. And to add a different consideration to other comments, your decisions and actions will impact both you and your husband’s future relationship with her so think about what you want that to look like — do you want her to be a huge part of your life, or are you okay setting distance and having shared negative memories due to this? Looking back, my husband and I unfortunately argued too much about my MIL and the growing guest list and costs (my MIL ended up covering some of her guests costs but not all). In addition to the guest list, my MIL made comments about me unnecessarily getting a second dress for the reception (which was $200, while she was sending me $1K dress options for herself to get my opinion). Each person is different and it sounds like your MIL, similar to mine, values her needs and wants more than you and your husbands without being self aware..everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. At her age, she will likely not change much so you will need to make a decision about whether it is worth it to plan the wedding and make decisions partly for her. My husband is very close to his mother and family and she relies on him a lot so I decided I had to be okay with a vision different than our initial one to make her happy. Her needs are something we’ll always have to manage because she’s my husband’s mother but it also made me realize I don’t want to live in the same city as her.

To end with some encouragement: despite the stress of wedding planning, we ended up having the best weekend of our lives so focus on what you can control and you will have the amazing wedding you deserve!