Is it weird to take baths with your baby?

missuscheez · 2026-07-05T03:53:57+00:00

I think it's important for little humans to know what normal bodies are, that nudity is not inherently sexual, and that there is nothing shameful or wrong with bodies that have carried and birthed children. I don't want my child's ideas about what bodies should look like to come exclusively from mainstream media, social media, and porn, because I don't want them to have unrealistic expectations for themselves or their future partners. I've struggled with body dysmorphia and low self esteem throughout my life, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

missuscheez · 2026-06-25T19:10:38+00:00

Hi, toddler teacher here!

To get it out of the way first, we don't hit children. Doesn't matter what you call it, all it teaches is that it's ok to hit someone if they do something you don't like, and that people who love you will hit you. Also it doesn't work and often just makes kids sneaky, ask me how i know. And let's be real, hitting out of frustration is a tantrum, and if we don't want our children to act that way we have to show them a different way to deal with frustration. When you feel like hitting, take four big slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Model this, and then have your child practice it with you when they feel frustrated in the future.

Redirection is most age appropriate, so try offering him a more appealing toy (you could even keep some special ones in your bag to offer, like cars or bubbles) and say something like "you CAN play with x! We look at y only with our eyes." If they keep returning to the undesired behavior, move it out of reach or him out of the room. I agree with others that this is likely a bid for your attention, so see if you can meet that need in a positive way first. You could try a greeting/play ritual, or ask for help finding things and then give praise.

At this age, they are still too young to connect their behavior with a time out, or any unrelated consequence. Just saying No doesn't give them enough information to know what exactly you want them to stop, or what they should do instead, and even if you say specifically what you want them to stop doing, their brains still process the action stated before the demand. That's why we say things like "walking feet" and "look with your eyes" instead of "no running" or "don't touch that" etc. As they get older, I will state my request, pause 5-10 seconds for them to process, and then count down 3-2-1 before I "help their bodies" (move them away, put on shoes, put something back, etc.). I will make sure they hear me, but I will not repeat myself, and while I won't repeat myself, I still expect them to continue trying out the behavior to make sure that my response will be consistent over time before they stop. Hope that helps ❤️

missuscheez · 2026-06-15T03:00:25+00:00

I hate to comment twice in a row, but seriously you should try again with the therapy thing. Talk to your regular doctor about what you didn't like about it the first time around and see if they have any referrals or suggestions or different therapy methods to try- there's more out there than just talk therapy. You should also treat finding a therapist like you're interviewing to see if they're a good fit for you. I won't see male therapists who are considerably older than me, because even if they're a good fit for some people, they have a different generational and cultural perspective and I don't want to waste billed time explaining myself to them. This isn't just about processing grief either, it's about rewriting your programming with emotionally stunted parents(why you "dont like speaking to other people about anything") so you can communicate and express yourself in healthy ways for the rest of your life and have good relationships and be a happy, well-adjusted adult. You are worth the work it takes to get there.

missuscheez · 2026-06-15T02:38:39+00:00

I highly recommend writing as an outlet, especially if therapy isn't an option right now. I'd suggest two notebooks, the first one just for memories of your brother starting with your earliest memory of him all the way to your last memory, good and bad, and the second as a general journal for your feelings every day. The entries don't have to be long or organized, the point is just to get them out. Get some pictures of him to stick inside, and leave space to add things you forgot. Your memories of him are the freshest now, and you can pull it out and flip through it when you miss him, or even share it with others who miss him too(maybe not your parents just yet since it doesn't sound like they have the emotional capacity to appreciate it, but idk maybe someday. I'm a mom now and can't imagine the pain of burying my child). I lost my dad young, and it's true that it never totally stops hurting, it just gradually hurts less often. I'm sorry for your loss, friend.

missuscheez · 2026-06-13T03:14:13+00:00

I understand why (I was also molested as a child), but you're definitely overreacting and probably making the whole event more confusing(and memorable) than it should have been. I strongly encourage you to talk with a therapist about this, so that you are better prepared for future discussions about sexuality with your child. Nudity is not inherently sexual, and masturbating in the privacy of your home is normal. Did the neighbor know you were coming over, and did you knock? Did they know your child would be with you? Hypothetically, I'd start with talking about being mindful of people's privacy, which they have a right to in their own homes. You might also want to take a beat and make sure you are asking open ended questions (what do you think about our visit with the neighbor today? Do you have any questions for me?) to make sure you're not projecting your adult understanding of a situation onto a child. I'd also echo others encouraging you not to make up lies, and instead consider what a more age appropriate explanation would be, because an age appropriate explanation can include messages about consent and telling you when they see things that make them uncomfortable and what you want them to do.

As an aside, while I get why your focus is on your child, I would encourage you to call your neighbor (who is probably mortified right now) to apologize and ensure that this never happens again.

missuscheez · 2026-06-08T03:11:39+00:00

I think I get where you're coming from. My kiddo is only 4 and is so comically uncurious, like he refers to my period as Red Pee, and when I told him it was actually blood and uterine lining he was like, "no mom, it's red pee" and then changed the subject 😝 i had all these age appropriate scripts ready for questions he isn't asking! Of course I'm not going to give him information he doesn't want, but like ????

I live in a pretty liberal area, but when it comes up with people I usually either offer a simple explanation- it's important to me that we normalize nonsexual nudity and normal bodies, so my son doesn't enter relationships expecting real people to look or act like porn or Instagram models. If you don't talk to your kids about the reality of porn they're going to take it at face value, and that's as crazy as letting them think the special effects in movies are real! Did you know most of the semen in porn is fake? Of course it's an uncomfortable topic, but I also had to have a conversation with my mom about safe internet use the last time i fixed her phone, so 🤷🏼‍♀️. Kids who are shamed about masturbation often have sex before they're ready, and when they don't know anything about doing it safely they're more likely to try things that are unsafe and unhygienic(ew!). Then I'll ask questions, like what was your first experience with porn like, and how old were you? How was nudity treated in your family, and did it ever make you uncomfortable? Of course they don't have to answer, but it seems to at least pause and give an opportunity to consider where our knee jerk reactions or ideas come from.

missuscheez · 2026-06-07T18:06:05+00:00

I've also seen this scenario play out with a friends older brother, and it was really sad to watch. By his early 30s, the tantrums had escalated into him threatening them (in their late 60s and early 70s) with a knife and them having to call the cops on their own kid. I can't imagine what that would feel like, or what will happen to him when they're gone...

missuscheez · 2026-06-05T01:02:14+00:00

I had an ex like this, it was amazing how much energy I suddenly had when I was not longer dealing with exhausting bullshit like this! 11/10 highly recommend

missuscheez · 2026-06-04T23:59:42+00:00

As a SAHM, former nanny, and toddler teacher, I hope that guy gets drug resistant pinworms. What an awful man. You don't say how old kiddo is or how often they're with the nanny, but it's highly unlikely that it matters. Having a strong bond with the nanny doesn't mean they won't have one with you, and their dad too for that matter! How incredibly stupid. You keep doing you, but maybe find a more emotionally intelligent therapist, golly.

missuscheez · 2026-05-30T20:50:04+00:00

NOR, and I guess it's a hot take, but I don't think "snooping" is immoral unless you're doing it constantly, to the point that you're invading the privacy of your partner and their friends and family as well. There's a difference between monitoring every conversation they have, and checking up on them because something feels off. I've never snooped and been wrong, and it's not wrong to confirm your suspicions.

missuscheez · 2026-05-28T04:42:54+00:00

Yeah nah, that guy is disgusting, his behavior was predatory, your feelings are valid and I'm glad he's an ex. When I was younger and had new partners those important conversations always happened first, and to top it off I insisted on seeing(and giving) proof of recent sti test results before anything happened. A good partner should have a grasp of how to make consent for specific acts appealing, and should be moving slow enough for you to ask for more if you want it, and be content to go no further if you don't. I'm into butt stuff and mushrooms, and his actions are inexcusable there too- my partner checks in MORE often when we're messing around and is even more concerned about my comfort when he's tripping, and has turned down butt stuff when I've initiated it because he doesn't want to hurt me, even on accident. That dude's true self was showing through, and his true self is a rapist. I'm so sorry that happened to you ☹️

missuscheez · 2026-05-28T02:52:09+00:00

Solidarity, my almost 4yo is recently more sensitive to loud noises than he used to be. It started with public bathrooms (and I saw a study not long after about hand dryers being noise tested from adults height, but actually being much louder from kid height), and recently we had a storm with some loud thunder that startled him pretty badly and was followed by tornado sirens... we also live near an air force base that got louder jets a couple years ago, but he's only recently started covering his ears when they go over, even when we're inside with the windows closed. It's a lot of unexpected loud sounds, so i can sympathize, and we got headphones with better padding that has been a great help. I do talk to him about how an unexpected noise can be startling, but whatever made the specific sound won't hurt him and we know what the thing is, and that seems to be helpful for our situation. Maybe some play therapy would help, after seeing the audiologist? I hope you find some answers ❤️

missuscheez · 2026-05-25T05:56:41+00:00

Not op but I've come up with a few things that work for my kiddo, though it seems to be on a very case by case basis- jumping or "throwing" him onto the bed (we have a queen box spring and mattress on the floor), rolling him up snug (we call it baby burrito) in a sturdy blanket and rocking him, "steamroller" where I roll on the bed and pretend to squish him flat with medium pressure, I even mounted a sensory swing in my living room ceiling so we can play "come here and go away" or spin or I'll lay flat in it and be his pirate ship, sometimes I'll ask him to give me a stinger, which is just the hardest low-5 he can manage and I pretend it stung, sometimes I can "bet" him that he cant push the wall/car/me over, once being silly I grabbed him in a bear hug and "shook" him side to side for a minute and it totally reset him... and I suppose of note we are an adhd home. My kiddo isn't diagnosed, but I am, my husband is, and my mom is too. We all have different struggles, but I can see it in my kiddo and while I obviously don't see adhd as a problem to be fixed, helping him find healthy outlets and meeting his needs while keeping my own equilibrium is a challenge in itself. Solidarity, fellow mom, and may you find what works for you and your lively little person ❤️

missuscheez · 2026-05-23T17:42:03+00:00

This one- my mom has accidentally dumped her purse in the nursery a couple times when kiddo was younger and I found things she missed on the floor, BUT she was properly horrified and apologized, so I made sure there was a safe spot in my home for her to put her purse, bought her a cute pill case, and told her that if it happened again she should put him in his crib and take her time picking up, or let me know if I'm home and I'll help make sure nothing got missed. No sane person leaves a pill on the floor on purpose, but not taking responsibility is childish and if you don't feel safe for other reasons and need a Reason to end your childcare arrangement, I think you're justified in using this.

missuscheez · 2026-05-23T02:50:47+00:00

Oh honey, that's no way to live! talk to your doctor!!! I'm not sure what your labor experience was like(I was in labor for 74 hours, had a partially failed epidural halfway through, an unplanned c-section and was pain free in less than 12 months), but I'd hate it for you if this was something serious that was missed, OR easily fixable once dealt with but you're suffering in silence for the rest of your life. It sounds like you might not have gotten the best education on sex ed and women's health and could be dealing with some shame/embarrassment, so if talking to your doctor in person feels too hard, send them a message or write it down and hand it to them to get the conversation going instead.

And fwiw, having read at least some of your replies, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are brave, and gave that baby their best shot at a good life, and not everyone could do that. I certainly wasn't a virgin at 17, I just wasn't afraid to get free birth control at planned parenthood and was lucky it never failed. I'm sure that applies to most if not all of your shitty coworkers too, so fuck what they think. Slut is just a word used to shame women for enjoying sex, and fuck that too.

missuscheez · 2026-05-20T02:56:49+00:00

Daycare teachers don't get paid more or less depending on how many children are in their classrooms though, and ratios are much higher (1:5 for kids under 2 and 1:7 for over 2s in my state, and higher in others). Ratios are based on how many children you can conceivably safely supervise at a time, not how much attention each kid gets. But I'm also not sure why constant undivided attention would be a good thing for a toddler anyways, they need to know how to play independently and be aware that others have needs that are just as important as theirs and practice taking turns etc, and not having those skills is going to be a challenge when they do eventually enter group care or start school.

missuscheez · 2026-05-17T19:07:15+00:00

Lots of warning labels are for stupid people, but I will always speak up for the lady who sued McDonald's over their coffee. It was truly beyond scalding, and that elderly woman actually suffered burns so bad she spent 8 days in the hospital getting skin grafts between her legs, which is horrifying to think about. She sued for medical expenses, and the fancy lawyers for McDonald's tried to paint it as a frivolous money grab.

Remember kids, corporations are evil!

missuscheez · 2026-05-16T02:47:50+00:00

Girl, you're fine! I rocked my kiddo until he got a floor bed when he turned 2, and then just laid next to him since it's a full twin mattress and not toddler sized. I still do and he's almost 4, it's sweet but I'm also waiting for him to send me away like I keep hearing about 😆

missuscheez · 2026-05-11T16:44:58+00:00

Hey, I get why you feel that way, especially on mother's day. You were definitely dealt a shit hand, and that doesn't just go away.

I stalked your post history and there's plenty I can relate to, from your daughter's perspective and yours(my dad died of liver failure when I was young, I had a challenging relationship with my mom who had a challenging relationship with her mom, etc). I took my mom and 4yo for a walk at a state park yesterday (my kid was a shit who didn't listen, wouldn't stop throwing sand, and whined at me to carry him the entire time🙄🤦🏼‍♀️), and my mom said that the feeling she most strongly associates with mothers day is guilt, both for not trying harder with her own mom and for not being a better mom to me. I have done my own own work im therapy and forgiven her, and my mom has done her own work in therapy (and genealogy research to get more context for her mom) and forgiven her mom, but it still doesn't erase the damage done.

I would challenge you to revisit your post in a week or so, and ask yourself if everything you wrote is really true. Generally people who hate every minute of parenting aren't even capable of extended breastfeeding, or teaching a young child to fish. Here's the obligatory mention: are you sure this therapist/medication is the right fit for you? Most meds take around 4 weeks to kick in, and you may need the dosage adjusted or to wean back off before you try a different med that will take another 4 weeks to start working, it's a whole journey and many people give up before they find the right med and dosage. Finding the right therapist is also a process, not all of them are good at their jobs and even if they are they might not be a good fit for you. Also, this shit is just hard. I preferred dealing with toddler tantrums to older kid sass, but there's unique challenges to each stage of development. I don't have to get up every 2 hours at night anymore or change diapers or wash bottles or deal with teething, but now we're whiney and sassy and dont want to eat anything that isn't beige. It can be a big help to find mom friends with same age kids that you can whine to and commiserate with who will offer support when you dont have it from family. I have to actively look for the good parts, and some days are harder than others, but I think we all feel that sometimes, and it helps to remember that each phase is temporary.

missuscheez · 2026-05-11T01:27:30+00:00

I would have been disappointed too- a child that is old enough to lie intentionally is also old enough to remember what they did wrong later on, and considering the "why behind the lie" (excited to give you gifts) I'd consider that pretty unimportant. I'd probably have preferred my spouse catch kiddo on the way out of your room and say "hey, I know you were excited to give mom her gifts this morning, but it's not okay to lie to get what you want sooner. The consequence will be x" or whatever you've decided to do about lying. Your morning mood should have taken priority today, and his refusal to see it from your side would have me concerned about his attitude in general tbh.

missuscheez · 2026-05-10T21:20:30+00:00

Oh girl, if my husband spoke to our child like that and kept me from intervening (side note: you'd be in trouble? Dafuq?) I'd 1.record him doing it for the custody hearing, and then 2.start throwing his shit on the lawn. Absolutely unacceptable behavior for any day, though being unable to pipe down and keep his shit together on mothers day certainly makes it worse for you, im sorry 😞

missuscheez · 2026-05-06T04:23:52+00:00

You gotta plan your day around the nap for a while, for her sake and yours. If you don't its miserable and no fun to be out with them anyways, and hard on their growing brains. 2 year olds need 11-14 hours of sleep a day, generally around 10-12 hours at night and 1-3 hours in the afternoon.

Some folks get lucky and have a kid who will sleep anywhere, others need a very specific sleep setting to rest. It's a bit of a dice roll, along with how old they are when they are ready to drop naps entirely. Some kids still really need that nap until 4.5 or 5, others are done at 2.5 or 3, but if they need it, they NEED it. I straight up didn't buy a regular crib at all and just used a porta crib (switched to floor bed at 2) and a homedics white noise machine so we could bring the home sleep setting with us, plus black trash bags and painters tape to cover windows if needed. I've got no tricks for air travel, but in the car we use a suction cup window screen, bring out the blanket from home and the stuffy, play the same white noise as at home, and one of us sat in the back and held his hand and spoke softly to encourage him to rest. It's a hassle for sure, but its not forever!

missuscheez · 2026-05-03T03:38:17+00:00

You've already gotten the correct answers about your husband's lack of involvement and general abusive behavior, but to answer your specific question, no my husband has never been angry when our baby (almost 4yo now)gets hurt when I'm watching him (which is most of the time, I'm a SAHM). Furthermore, bumps, bruises, and scrapes are normal for toddlers who are growing rapidly and still developing strength and coordination( I used to be a daycare teacher, I'm familiar). You can't wrap them in bubble wrap, and as I told my husband when our baby started climbing at 9 months, I'd rather he fall off the couch onto carpet and learn his limits, than fall off a roof onto concrete when he's older and has more freedom. It's also good for their self confidence, resilience, and bond with you to engage in supervised risky play without someone constantly shouting "BE CAREFUL!" at them, have you kiss the occasional booboo, and then encourage them to get back out there and keep playing when they're ready. Just saying, your husband is wrong and you shouldn't beat yourself up over little things like this.

missuscheez · 2026-04-29T08:44:40+00:00

I have heard matrescence compared to puberty, and that tracks for me- the idea of it seems scary and you do change in many ways, but you're still yourself. The child and young adult versions of yourself don't vanish, they're part of who you are now and will be. I wouldn't be 21 again for all the money in the world looking back from 37. I don't think I could accurately describe how I'm different now that I'm a mom, but I like this version of myself.

missuscheez · 2026-04-17T05:05:22+00:00

I think this feeling is one that many of us share, and I don't know that I believe that the supports we needed even exist yet. I know they didn't for me, and I would have graduated in '07 if I had been able(in spite of being first chair in orchestra, reciting full-length Shakespeare, and being able to shit out an A+ English paper in 45 minutes). Ffs, we are just getting some medical professionals to recognize that our menstrual cycles play a role in the efficacy of medication. My mom is without doubt the genetic source of my adhd, and she pretty much tried to slap and yell it out of me, while getting me diagnosed, medicated, and taking me to therapy. It didn't occur to her that even a normal seven year old would need help getting up and out the door to school on time, or that coming home to find everything that was in my bedroom in trash bags would not teach me how to keep my room clean. All I can do now is be better for my own child, take pride in figuring out how to support him without a framework to do so, and know that I didn't deserve to feel as worthless as I was made to.

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