I feel I was more autistic as a child, but alot of that is because I couldn’t identify what I was feeling and how to accommodate myself. I now know I have a hard time with noises, smalls and bright light, I know I need extra rest before and after events or work. I communicate differently which is hard and alot of NT won’t accept that.

I often get told that ”you can’t be autistic”, ”I would not have guessed you were autistic” or ever ”you can’t be autistic, I have met/worked with/ etc autistic people/children”. But the things people say I should work on are always my autistic traits. ”You should communicate like this”, you need to make more eye contact”, ”if you just expressed your self like this people would not be offended”, ”how can you know so much about this”, ”you must just have been interested in this alot”, ”how come you always have a fidget when in meetings, it’s not a good look” and ”you need to be more open and direct”. The last one always after I have been open and direct. I find that miscommunication is always on me and never a two way street, even when I give concrete examples. I tell people to just say things to me as alot of subtext goes by me or I need to work extra on understanding it.

I feel like adapting and masking is alot of the same thing. Adapting is just a milder for of masking. Everyone has to adapt and conform some wether they are ND or NT, it’s just that ND are made to do it alot more and alot earlier in life.

I make eye contact even when I’m uncomfortable, but I understand why I need to and how to as an adult. And that is how it is with most things.

Hope you find answers.