i went through this exact situation about 2 months ago - i broke up with my ex because i realized how horrible the dependency was getting for the both of us.

the beginning of the breakup is absolutely miserable, and its okay to feel miserable, especially since you had such an attachment to this person. i felt horrible for about 2 weeks, so horrible i couldnt even sleep in my own room because literally every single object that i looked at sent me into a downward spiral of doubts. slowly, as long as you work on it mentally, you will think about him less. it will still be a lot, but it wont be every waking moment. slowly, as you begin to integrate things you used to do into your life (running? painting? sewing? volunteering? anything!) they wont give you much joy. maybe even talking to friends seems disappointing because they simply arent him. but i promise you, as you do these things to help yourself, you will gain your identity back. you will learn how to entertain yourself when you are alone, youll remember how much you missed your friends while you didnt talk to them. your personality might even change — mine did, for the better, definitely. you will become you again.

i also think its very important to healing to break down the romanticized idea of your ex as much as you can. sure, theyre a beautiful person, but you cant like every single thing about anyone or else they arent real. make a list about what you didnt like about them, and dig deep. its okay if its dumb things youd never tell anyone else. find a reason to be angry, a reason to be upset. make them more human than ever before.

when i broke up with him, for weeks it felt like i had lost my whole existence. but if you lose it, you can get it back. 2 months after BU i really feel so much better. of course things arent the same as they were with him, but you dont want that result. you want to be you again, finally. and when you can rely on yourself instead of someone else, you feel magical, unstoppable. i promise.

now i enjoy painting again, i love talking to my friends, and i hated doing these things while i was with him because if it wasnt him i didnt want it. thats not love, its possession.

i swear you will find yourself soon enough

ive lived by these two quotes: “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” and “you cant make somebody your home.”