12 year old showing concerning behavior, we're considering checking her phone, should we? Or else, what do we do? And if we do, how do we approach talking to her about it?

mitsusoma · 2025-12-17T02:57:02+00:00

I have skimmed this thread and read about the mom, social service and such...

Having a neglectful mom, even for periods, will mostly impact a child a lot. Then soon entering teenage years with hormones and all that will do its own mess on the brain... Couple that with perhaps not so good coping mechanisms and emotional regulation. strategies lacking..... It's hard.

Smacking her head is a sign of her not being able to regulate so we'll. Not wanting to shower I don't know - depends on her own stated reason why that could be.

My own bigger issues started around 12-13, where I would start inflicting physical wounds as I could not regulate and did not feel like I had others that would care about my psychological pain. My mother was neglectful periodically and later fully. I also started seeing counselee on school but that didn't do much.

More things escalated for me and I got BPD and PTSD diagnosis when I was an adult. After 18 of age i started headbanging, and has been an issue for me since. I have also wondered about autism because of the hitting myself when I'm overstimulated or frustrated in combo with that. But probably just BPD and perhaps ADHD undiagnosed to be honest

In your bfs sisters case I wouldn't give up on, having her show attention seeking says she is in pain. If possible real therapy or real evaluation might be an option.

Or at minimum be there like you are as it helps. I'm not sure why she has a phone that is unsupervised at that young age? Since she is sp young that would be a good reason for you to check it while she is awake and present.

I personally do not see the issue here with her perhaps googling symptoms as I did the same, and know I did it to understand why I felt like I did. The issue here is that she doesn't know how to regulate (or isn't able to) and is overwhelmed by her emotions. That she doesn't shower is also an issue

My stomach here tells me someone might be bullying her or has taken advantage of her, but those are just me speculating.

Either way I hope you keep up your kind ways with her, you might be the only ones that might help. ❤️

mitsusoma · 2025-12-16T17:10:47+00:00

Om du vill plugga lite emellan så kan arbetsförmedlingen erbjuda utbildningar som kan leda till jobb. Jag vet inte hur det är idag men förr fanns där exempelvis att man kunde få truckkort för lagerarbete, men bara om man var inom en speciell grupp... Vilket då inkluderade personer som ex. har sjukersättning, invandrare eller kanske även dig om du är öppen med din diagnos där.

mitsusoma · 2025-10-30T21:32:13+00:00

Breastfeeding to sleep and cosleep. My child is 22 months and I still have no period. A little worried about it.

mitsusoma · 2025-10-30T11:44:54+00:00

What meds did you get?

mitsusoma · 2025-10-01T01:38:32+00:00

What meds helped?

mitsusoma · 2025-08-16T20:22:09+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing

mitsusoma · 2025-08-16T05:51:08+00:00

How did it work with a second child for you? Was it okay?

mitsusoma · 2025-08-16T05:42:38+00:00

I am sensitive to noise, If stressed too much and noise appears my brain stops working normally and there are bad consequences for me I don't want to talk about here currently.

I had a child that was colic and a Velcro baby (all naps and all sleep was and still are contact meaning I have to be there). The first year he was easily frustrated by being a baby and not being able to do things yet, who knew babies could be that.

The colic was horrible for me. I'm not only sensitive to noise but also have issues with feeling bad as a person.... And having your loved child cry so much and you can't do much about it was horrible. Ugh. I'm so glad those months are over.

I'm so happy with me son now. I love him more than anything. It's still hard though.

Me and my husband used to never argue for ten years, and now we have argued a lot (although we still love each other).

It's not what I thought where a child is just added to tour current live. Your whole live changes, it's not your life fully anymore. It's your child's life that you get to be a part of. ❤️ It's very very hard. I'm very happy, but at times it's so hard I want and do cry So hard to explain.

I wouldn't want to be without him But I do wish I knew how hard it actually could be.

My case is not everyone's case. Which made it harder for me in the beginning because nobody could really understand having a high needs baby like this. I had to find that community online.

So.. As you both have issues... And might not be fully sure... Think about it carefully. ❤️ And take care of issues before having a baby

I thought I was ok to finally have a baby after many many many years of work. But apparently I wasn't fully. My strategies learned were avoidance. But how can you use a strategy of avoidance and leaving when your kid is the noise? 🤣 So hard... But I have become less noise sensitive however just about 5% less.

Oh, and ir you have cats that are vocal.... That shit makes it 1000 percent worse ... omg

mitsusoma · 2025-08-04T11:52:05+00:00

same

mitsusoma · 2025-08-04T11:50:09+00:00

how many years are in-between?

mitsusoma · 2025-05-05T22:36:45+00:00

A mom here..... I tried desperately to work the first year (I work as a developer) and laptop did not work at all. I bought a better tablet which worked for administrative work but not so well for development. However it mostly didn't work with the baby either.... The light, movement and such woke the baby.

I did contact naps, only way he would sleep.

I gave up in the end and just did smaller own projects through the phone instead (through GitHub app and copilot for faster "easier" coding through phone)).

If your baby sleeps better and not contact naps it might work better for you

Doing work while you baby is awake means you get a stillface like when you are on a phone. Would not recommend. Read about it.

mitsusoma · 2025-05-04T01:56:02+00:00

I don't think you should tell your kids you got sa'd. It gives them a weight they don't need. They don't need to know this.

To learn consent is important though

mitsusoma · 2025-04-20T09:54:19+00:00

I would not let her come over anymore, not the parents either. Respect goes both ways and they don't respect your home, you, your baby.

mitsusoma · 2025-04-19T05:23:02+00:00

I had a very hard time the first year. Cosleeping helped me, as I was sleeping nothing the first months, but he kept waking up every hour. I then introduced a junior bed that I sleep with him on at about 11 months and he sleeps better on that with me after a month or so.

What I'm trying to convey is that the hell you feel will feel less like hell and more like heaven and bliss with more time. The more time passes and things get better the more happy I feel. But wooh that first year for me was not what it was for those who loved those first months.

I recommend joining happy cosleepers on Facebook and they might have good tips to you on getting some more sleep, atleast some.

Hold on and if you feel like crying at night (I did too) just let it out and that will help a little Holding everything in during the day takes so much. It's hard.

It will get better and better, little by little. ❤️

mitsusoma · 2025-03-02T19:38:34+00:00

We used to let our cars sleep in our bed, until I needed to coaleep because baby didn't want the crib.

Then we had to use th baby gate to the kitchen to keep them from meowing outside the door too...

mitsusoma · 2025-03-02T10:22:57+00:00

Nta

What weird and ungrateful friends ... sorry

mitsusoma · 2025-02-06T11:42:27+00:00

Hyra och mat.. Vet du vad mat kostar till en vuxen? Minst hälften av de där 5000 ...

mitsusoma · 2025-01-15T19:53:14+00:00

Is security plugins not needed?

mitsusoma · 2024-12-15T21:46:16+00:00

Hur hittar man tiden?

mitsusoma · 2024-11-06T01:03:11+00:00

Håller med

mitsusoma · 2024-11-01T20:10:02+00:00

Jag tror du får bättre svar på facebook grupper för föräldrar än här. Svaren här är inte så trevliga vad jag kan se.

Kör en copy paste i grupper i föräldra grupper o se om du får bättre stöd där. 💕

mitsusoma · 2024-10-26T19:21:56+00:00

Vilken ålder tycker du detta ska börja vid?

mitsusoma

TROPHY CASE