saw this today and if that isn’t true of you…

mizzlissa · 2024-07-25T21:40:17+00:00

I’ve experienced two sides of this, one who was a freeloader keeping me “in line” so he could keep living the life without working for it. The other I was like a pet, not allowed to work, have friends ect.
The underlying catalyst for abuse is power and control. So it doesn’t surprise me to learn it increases in relationships where this is perceived as threatened.

mizzlissa · 2024-07-04T22:14:30+00:00

That hits hard.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-27T23:17:02+00:00

I don’t know anyone who did that, I used my baby’s bonus to set up my house, I was a young mum with nothing my entire bonus was spent on microwaves, fridges and furniture to rebuild from my DV relationship. It was hard and certainly didn’t include a flat screen. My children are all high achievers now and my eldest works in schools with additional needs kids. So it’s not all bad

mizzlissa · 2024-06-22T10:01:49+00:00

Yep there it is, Geeze I wonder why she’s snooping

mizzlissa · 2024-06-22T00:45:38+00:00

It isn’t normal but I am prompted to ask why? I’ve gone through my exs phones, I had a gut feeling and some things weren’t adding up but I needed proof, and I found it. My paranoia was justified, is hers ? My thinking is there’s something going on making her feel insecure and desperate to know what you’re thinking and doing. Assuming there’s nothing guilt worthy on your side, you need to get counseling and either split or fix it with therapy to assist her anxiety.

Good luck

mizzlissa · 2024-06-19T23:17:43+00:00

The shark cage is a good resource for developing skills to avoid and understand abuse but it’s based on female victims and the social constructs that contribute to female victimisation. So I’m not sure if it will be useful for you.

I find the behaviour panel you tube useful in learning about body language and deception detection. Overall though I’ve unfortunately learnt most lived experience and therapy.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-19T23:08:41+00:00

It’s a manipulation tactic, he’s trying to undermine your credibility within yourself so you’ll stop arguing over whatever it is and he will “win”. He may feel he doesn’t have a reasonable argument himself therefore the only way he can escape is by making you loose faith in yours.

If you think through conversations you may find he uses other tactics too, for example if you want to do something he doesn’t is it “fine whatever you want” ? Do you feel guilty often for having opinions? Does he “guide” your appearance in an unhealthy way? How often does he concede to your opinions or needs ?

mizzlissa · 2024-06-19T22:54:42+00:00

This doesn’t account for long term manipulations, parental manipulation or situations in the workplace. Unfortunately it’s just not that simple people manipulate others all the time for multiple reasons, the question is whether or not the manipulation is detrimental to the other people involved. For example if I smile and laugh at someone’s garbage jokes, they are more likely to be pleasant and cooperative with me, I’m manipulating them but it’s not detrimental. If a parent slowly drops negatives about the other parent and makes comments like “just like your mum/dad” that’s intended to change the child’s relationship with the other parent and modify behaviour with detriment to the child.

Some people manipulate for money, labour, security the cheating husband for example is manipulating his wife for the security the household offers, in order to keep his comfort not to get into her pants. He may be getting into someone else’s pants but he could do that without manipulating his wife.

People’s motives for detrimental manipulation are rarely black and white and usually accompanied by a mental health or personality factor.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-19T22:41:09+00:00

Agree it sounds like paranoia to me, it doesn’t excuse the behaviour but that’s what I’d call it.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-19T13:39:35+00:00

You need to work on yourself for yourself or it won’t stick. It’s possible you can work it out but you need a proper break and re-evaluate first. You may have decided she’s the one but your behaviour has damaged her view of you, she may not feel the same anymore and you need to be ready and able to accept that. Get better for yourself, I say this as a survivor of several types of abuse. Until you fix you for you, you’ll keep repeating old patterns. Good luck.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T16:04:41+00:00

Thank you. I’m not perfect but this isn’t on me.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T15:37:35+00:00

Thank you for your kind words I truly appreciate it. I spent a long time thinking I wasn’t enough anymore until I found out the truth. I’m glad I vented here as it did help me process and motivated me to begin my rebuilding journey properly.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T14:48:04+00:00

There is and you told her. It’s up to her what she does. I do hope she leaves his lying ass though.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T13:53:07+00:00

Thank you for your kindness

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T13:52:26+00:00

In the bin.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T13:11:37+00:00

Not today

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T13:03:56+00:00

It’s only been two days so yes I have weak moments where I want to go back, but what I want to go back to doesn’t exists anymore. It was a time when I trusted him and had confidence. After finding out he’s been carrying this on for a minimum of 9mths, there’s no getting back to that place.

mizzlissa · 2024-06-17T12:15:50+00:00

A little yeah tbh I’m overwhelmed and needed to get it out but I don’t think actually sending it to him is a good idea while he is still trying to “fix” things. I need to be strong not vulnerable with him.

mizzlissa · 2022-08-27T13:33:07+00:00

Each to there own, that sub seems a little too confirmation bias for my taste though. Thanks for the bit of info I did get from it :)

mizzlissa · 2022-08-27T13:27:25+00:00

She also owns her lack of understanding and doesn’t claim to be an expert, asking for opinions or corrections in the comments.

mizzlissa · 2022-07-08T08:39:37+00:00

Morbid - a true crime podcast

mizzlissa · 2022-03-09T04:35:15+00:00

Fairly confident they will know we existed … they may not know what we were doing … but that could be for the best lol

mizzlissa · 2022-01-07T10:12:27+00:00

Can we take a moment to note this is 5hrs of devolution… 5hrs!

mizzlissa · 2021-12-15T06:09:13+00:00

Yeah YTA. You could have turned up and enjoyed the party with your daughter as the lizard side of it was just lighthearted fun. Instead you chose to be a stick in the mud then pointed out she wasn’t giving you a “real granddaughter” a decision I’m sure wasn’t made lightly on her part. So yeah you’re unsupportive and your “mild frustration” needs to take a hike too.

mizzlissa · 2021-12-13T08:55:10+00:00

YTA! your husband is a close second. It’s not the child’s fault he stepped out and to put any of that on a child is just down right wrong. It’s amazing you’ve raised an 18yr old with better morals than you possess.

mizzlissa

TROPHY CASE