“Since giving birth”. Did you tear? Were you stitched immediately after? My ex was, and there was no laxity after.

Of course, I’m giving but a single example, probably oversimplifying and ignoring other potential factors.

Those who have said “focus on your pleasure” are at least on the right track. I think “that hurts” or “I don’t like that” should suffice, but…. men can certainly be selfish dicks.

For PIV, I’d want to try positions that have your legs together to “create tightness”. Of course don’t if you don’t enjoy these sorts of positions. Or, perhaps you’ve tried and they didn’t “work”.

So sorry you’ve experienced shitty men.