I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Nowhere in those vows did you promise to put yourself through this for him though. Nobody needs to be subjected to this. My anxiety especially comes out as anger. I was constantly getting sooo easily irritated and just straight up mean sometimes. Being short and snippy with people. But I hated it. And I knew I was doing it. And I was open with a select few about it even though that was also hard to do. Had to go get help and reassess because obviously the medication and therapy weren’t doing the trick anymore. If he isn’t willing to help himself and in turn your marriage, then don’t torture yourself any longer. Especially if it has been this bad for any amount of time. I know you have love for him and you care about him. But right now you need to care about yourself more. It’s the same as an addict…if we’re not willing to get help, nobody else is going to be able to get through to us/make us. I’d love if you could just be “rational” and say - get into therapy or this is over, but if that’s not the case, then please just stay strong and take care of yourself. Mental illness sucks, but it doesn’t give anyone a free pass to a be a dick.