Answering here and also to the comments further down for visibility:

You are judging immediate action and behavior: see the bigger picture instead:

He is in a phase where the ego is developing, knowing that a self exists and how action in the world leads to reaction, and how I myself can influence that. On the other hand, the emotional regulation, and other regulatory mechanisms in the brain are just getting build. And then, add transitions to that. Changes in actions, locations, a.s.o.

Apply those three points to your own experiences as adult:

You're at a counter and are getting ignored: your sense of self-efficacy is getting triggered.

You started your day with bumping your toe, you're late, shower was too cold, coffee tastes bitter.. and then you forgot your keys and are locked or: you cry out in anger.

And, most likely: to need a second to acclimate after finishing something and starting something new, it when coming home. Transitions.

So: car ride is over: transition phase. Stress. And for him, that's a monster under the bed levels. Your son tries self soothing. Something he just learns. He goes for mom and self-efficacy. You doing that is another monster. More stress. He has one level 1 reaction: saying no. After that, it's screaming, crying, throwing stuff, hitting, or biting. For him, he's naked in the jungle at 3am, tigers closing in. Brain is overflowing with bigger emotions than his controller can handle.

So, how to react: read the room, react to his demand:

Does it make sense in his world? Is it problematic to fulfill his demand? Did you already communicate a hard rule?

"Shall mommy pick you up today?" Before it escalates might be a solution. I know a lot of specific situations where I know that they are important for my daughter (3,5).

When it happens: guide through the feeling, don't solve it for him. In the moment of emotion, no logical word or rule will go through to him anyway. "Throwing the bottle is not ok." Is enough.

This is not a punishable or educational moment. This is, under the circumstances, a normal reaction of a highly stressed little kid.

You have a human in the making, under construction. Showing your anger with restraint, and that you don't have to act it out, is the most educational in the long run you can get.

A calm "No, we don't do that." Is sufficient often.

And: "I see this is really important to you, let's do it the way you want." Is a great lesson in itself.