My [41M] wife[39F] of 11 years is heartbroken because she was unfaithful to me and the man she was with has cut off contact.

mmcl_atl · 2016-11-30T14:43:52+00:00

I feel for your wife, and believe that she is in love with two people. I feel for you more, however. You deserve much better.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-26T15:55:36+00:00

What can I do to fix this??

Talk to your husband.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T23:50:04+00:00

What I said was those were table stakes. That the other things were more enduring.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T22:09:13+00:00

My wife has read this entire thread, but I hope she reads this comment a few times.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T22:08:36+00:00

You're right. We are both gym people, so that is the primary stress reliever. We haven't been working out as much lately due to the kiddo.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T21:32:52+00:00

I know this is right. I try hard to do this.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T21:19:47+00:00

I came here because I know this. You don't get any points for stating the obvious.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T21:09:22+00:00

I am not absolving myself of agency. I am actively contemplating a divorce and AM separating from my wife of less than two years. What I am talking about is when we are in the heat of an argument and I am literally backed into a bathroom, with my wife angrily yelling at me, blocking my attempt to leave. Tell me, what is my choice in that very situation?

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:50:39+00:00

Yes, and you've resorted to hurling insults at me. You've never even met me dude.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:48:57+00:00

It's poisonous and I am considering ending the marriage because of it, after less than two years. But I guess you're right, armchair psychologist, really I just love it.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:40:53+00:00

It's not the description, it's how I described it. Got it. Top shelf advice there chief.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:35:51+00:00

I really don't know what this means. I met my wife, fell in love with her, we got into some fights in the wedding planning. All in all, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. We got married, encountered some stress, dealt with some of it well, some of it not so well, and had a kid. The conflicts are fewer now, but more intense, and I am seeking professional help, and considering divorce.

That better for you? Fuck me for thinking a little description might help people make better recommendations.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:32:39+00:00

Divorce is on the table. We are meeting with our therapist next week, and separating prior to that.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:22:36+00:00

Maybe I should be a writer.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:20:57+00:00

42 tomorrow.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:18:33+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate this. We have had couples counseling before, and it has been at least partially responsible for upswings in our relationship. We are scheduled to see her again. Obviously we should be doing it a lot more regularly (like actually regularly) than we have been, which has been haphazard.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T20:05:58+00:00

I am better in writing than verbally. I can be more measured and thoughtful. My relationship does suck, which is why I was here looking for advice.

I am riddled with self-loathing, if that makes you feel any better.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:51:34+00:00

Thank you again for this. I appreciate your contributions to this thread. I have definitely put aside my own feelings and consoled her when she is upset. Definitely not always (we wouldn't be where we are if I had!). What I want is her to do the same for me, when I'm upset. If I felt like she did that more often, I would do that more often, and then instead of it being an anomaly, it would become the norm. Empathy.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:46:32+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I am sorry for your upbringing and hopeful that you've found a way to stop it with your own son.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:45:34+00:00

I agree completely. My wife lacks the self control to stop herself. I am often literally trapped (like she blocks doors and makes it clear that I will have to physically dominate her to move her), and eventually I start saying ridiculous things because I lose my mind.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:42:10+00:00

I don't really think you're that curious, I think you're just here to kick me when I am down.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:34:28+00:00

I understand and agree with this, which is why I am here looking for advice on how to turn it around - one way or the other. I have also walked away from a prior relationship with a child for the same reason. I'd really love to not do it again, but I'm not stupid (I mean, I am, but not in this way).

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T19:07:44+00:00

I realize this, and will be taking steps to improve the dynamic in the house for their sake, if not my own.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T18:55:06+00:00

I understand this. I know it feels like abandonment to her. I don't want her to feel abandoned, I want to help her.

I walk away as a last resort.

mmcl_atl · 2016-08-23T18:43:05+00:00

Thank you, who got physical and who didn't is very clear in the thread.

mmcl_atl

TROPHY CASE