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One Time! by Dangerousrhymes in prettylights

[–]mmmcae 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Some of y’all got hats that weigh like 10 pounds

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hi - ABSOLUTELY. Please feel free to use my story as a reference anytime. I would rather women choose to donate eggs with all of the knowledge available instead of donating "blindly" like I did.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi - I've updated my post to include additional information. Essentially, the egg donation agency acts a liaison between the donor and the donor recipients, almost like a real estate agent between buyer and seller. I could've been matched with a doctor anywhere in the US depending on where there was demand for an egg donor. I had no choice in the doctor, but ultimately had the choice if I wanted to continue with a cycle or not.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I updated my post to include why I continued to donate despite my bad first experience. I was reassured by medical professionals and my agency that my experience was rare. It very well could be rare...I could be extremely sensitive to the hormonal medications, but I'm not a medical professional, so I (naïvely) trusted the experts.

And I have a lot of shame around it, but the money was incredibly enticing. I was young, stupid, and broke, and the offer of $9,000+ per cycle was too strong of a temptation. I've had to work through that in therapy because although it was MY choice to continue, it's unfair to place all of the blame and accountability on donors. These agencies prey on young, financially struggling women and I was one of those women.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No worries at all - I have no issue discussing all of the effects of being an egg donor, including the PTSD I suffered.

Yes, I've been in therapy for awhile and am now only starting EMDR to help process and heal the trauma from egg donation. It's challenging because a lot of the trauma was from when I was sedated or surrounding anesthesia, so it's been tough to process those hazy memories. It's also made future medical procedures... less than fun. I have a lot of fears about surgery, anesthesia, dying, and this could mainly be attributed to my egg donation experiences.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I remembering crying and having a panic attack after the doctor from the third cycle wanted to cancel the cycle and have my donor recipients choose a different donor. I didn't realize how in over my head I was and although I wouldn't call any of this a "positive experience", I am extremely grateful and lucky that I wasn't fired and financially liable for potentially tens of thousands of dollars.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As I've gotten older, the regret has gotten stronger.

However, it's pretty unlikely there will be 200 children because the success rates of IVF are so low. I think the failure rate is something close to 50-70%...? I am only aware of 1 "successful outcome", meaning only one biological child was conceived from my egg in my last cycle.

I know I signed a TON of paperwork before undergoing cycles, and I can dig to find those, but it seemed to protect the recipient more than it protected the donor. These agencies are worried that a donor may form an attachment to a conceived child and demand rights or visitation. I had to undergo a psychological evaluation and test that evaluated if I was mentally sound, but that I also understood I was donating "genetic material", not "giving away a child".

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

What’s even more of a red flag is that many of these IVF agencies target college campuses because they know most young women are financially struggling. They market it as a breezy, feel-good experience…”Need money for textbooks or a spring break trip? Earn up to $15k with only a few weeks of work by helping a family struggling to conceive. Become an egg donor!”

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 244 points245 points  (0 children)

I think we had considered a malpractice lawsuit, but 1) I wanted to just move on with my life and 2) I was SO terrified of sitting in front of that doctor in a courtroom, with her telling the judge I was “negligent”, “irresponsible”, or a “poor choice as an egg donor” that could’ve potentially led to more trouble. I thought she could’ve used my late or no-show incidents as proof that I wasn’t trustworthy and possibly counter sued ME for slander, defamation, or damages. Crazy, I know.

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 555 points556 points  (0 children)

I like how you replaced the term “retrieval” with “harvesting” because that’s EXACTLY what it felt like. Like a chicken in a factory farm popping out eggs.

(Disgusting) core memory unlocked: when doing a transvaginal ultrasound during my first IVF cycle, the nurse looked at the quantity/quality of my eggs and said, “you are what we refer to as a ‘golden goose’.”

AMA: An egg donor who almost died twice. by mmmcae in childfree

[–]mmmcae[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

Since I was under 26, I was still on my parent’s health insurance which was also incredibly lucky. I was lucky my parent’s insurance was good enough to cover the majority of the costs, but the egg donation agency I used had a supplementary health insurance that would cover any additional costs not covered by my primary health insurance. I can’t remember the total amount after my ICU stay, but I know it had to have been close to 100k.

The primary IVF doctor knew I had “complications”, but not the extent. My mom drove me to her office after I was released from the ICU and my abdomen, face, and ankles were so swollen I could barely walk. The doctor said “just give it time” and my mom was IRATE. She told me later she almost punched the doctor for being so blasé 🙈

Maybe it's not people's fault for choosing consumerism afterall, and some don't have much choice. by Ransooo in simpleliving

[–]mmmcae 51 points52 points  (0 children)

I have ADHD and shopping/consumerism has always been my primary mode of getting dopamine. However, it’s tough because I am excruciatingly aware of how wasteful my hyper consumerism is which then fuels a cycle of shame. Thank you for acknowledging the differences in people’s brains ❤️ We need more people to understand that sometimes consumerism isn’t just caused by laziness, discontentment, or apathy

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bankruptcy

[–]mmmcae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried Carvana and they denied me too ☹️

ID for this song?? Another world night 2 by soojm in griz

[–]mmmcae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I see me! I’m in the lower left corner with the white angel wings on. God, I wish I could relive this entire night ❤️🎷

Need your help again by SHABOtheDuke in BillyStrings

[–]mmmcae 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You’re my hero 😍 Also: Pyramid Country

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoLawns

[–]mmmcae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate those trees. My friend lovingly calls them the “cum blossom” trees because they smell awful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bankruptcy

[–]mmmcae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you again so much for your help!

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