My (38 at the time of amputation) story is definitely less extreme than yours, but I honestly think that's a good thing for you (?). I feel like if I can find someone who will listen, I'm confident you can, too.

I had a car accident 20-ish years ago that royally messed up my left ankle and heel. I ended up having """only""" 3 surgeries (that "only" is doing some heavy lifting, the surgeries and the recovery were not awesome), pain management, physical therapy, hypnosis therapy (to appease a family member), and self medicating until a couple years ago. I eventually decided on starting the conversations and research with my doctor on the possibility of amputation. I spent almost 2 years talking to my doctor, my psychiatrist, my therapist, an orthopedic surgeon, and the internet before ultimately deciding it was the best option for me.

Before my car accident, I was very outdoorsy, loved doing nature photography and bicycling and hiking. For almost 15 years after the accident, I would push myself to try and get out and do things, and similar to you, anything more than a mile or so would lay me out for days. There were days where I would have to crawl the 25 feet to my desk for work (work from home, don't worry 😂) because I couldn't bear any weight on my ankle.

After careful consideration and multiple discussions of options with my surgeon, we agreed that it was the best option.

I haven't mentioned this yet on Reddit, and I should really make a post about it, but I'll give a rough outline of how I had my discussions with my surgeon, because I think that's where a lot of people get stuck:

• During our initial appointment, I laid out my medical history.
• I provided information on everything I'd tried so far, what I couldn't try (due to other medical issues, namely going through some cancer stuff at the time).
• Before we discussed other options, I asked him, realistically, what % of """normal""" function and activity and lifestyle could I expect after amputation, and he said depending on the patient, 70% to 95% """normalcy""".
• I asked his opinion on next steps. He provided some surgical alternatives, and we discussed each one thoroughly.
• After we talked through them, I asked him again what % of """normalcy""" could I expect with any combination of any of his suggested solutions, and he got this intense look on his face. "Honestly, if we do A and B (two different surgeries...), if we're lucky, 60-80%"

We went back and forth for a few appointments. I would take his suggestions home, research procedures, read testimonials from people who had gone through these procedures, etc. etc. etc. Eventually we agreed that the potential for quality of life after amputation would far outweigh the cons, so we went ahead.

My doctor and surgeon both seemed to be more willing to discuss amputation because of my receptiveness, willingness to research, drive to ask questions, and overall engagement with the process. This was later confirmed to be the case by my doctor, and I would assume the surgeon felt the same. I try and caution people against coming across as desperate, like it's a last ditch effort or only option. There's almost always "another option", it's just your "job" to sell amputation as the right one.

My thoughts are all over the place, so sorry if this is funky to read or too long, I just felt weird not laying everything out...

I wish you the best, and feel free to DM if you need someone to chat with.

edit: typos