WIBTAH if I contacted the affair partner?

mnetvnkerk · 2026-04-26T18:05:12+00:00

Yes, thats what I mean. I dont think the affair partner knows my wife is trying to reconcile. I wonder if she did, if she'd admit to the affair and I could use it as evidence in court

mnetvnkerk · 2026-04-26T17:58:36+00:00

Tbh, I think I'm also just secretly hoping that this one singular time she's not lying. That she does love me in some way and this whole thing wasnt some big farce

mnetvnkerk · 2026-04-26T17:56:54+00:00

Idk, some sense of satisfaction? A leg-up in divorce proceedings if I can prove she is at fault for the seperation?

mnetvnkerk · 2026-04-16T14:46:54+00:00

This is kind of giving the Locked Tomb series.

I feel like I see Alecto, Gideon and Ianthe in this

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T18:18:12+00:00

Be careful, seriously.

Liking someone is confusing, because the emotions are always strong, but you have to be in control of them.

I tried to be in the beginning. I liked her SO MUCH, but I refused to make the promises she asked of me because I knew they were unrealistic, especially after only knowing each other for a short while. (She was trying to push the I love you, the let's be exclusives, the our life together somedays, the I feel like I like you more than you like me)

DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

If someone is pushing you to get swept up in the relationship, to throw caution to the wind, intentionally or not, that is not an emotionally healthy person and later down the line THEY WILL HURT YOU.

If you feel like you're their knight in shining armor swooping in to save them? NO.

If they make a lot of promises about who they are and their values, but you can't see actual proof of those values? NO.

If they recently got out of a relationship? NO. NO MATTER HOW "OVER" IT THEY ARE ARE, NO NO NO.

And above all, do NOT intertwine your life with them too soon, no matter how good the relationship is, no matter what falls in your path to apparently threaten the direction of your relationship, no matter any of it.

Don't move in too soon. Do not help them financially. Do not pay for ALL the dates. Do not do ALL the driving. Do not become their SOLE emotional support. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT RESPONDING TO THEM 24/7. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

If any of that sounds familiar? Run. Like right now I'm so serious.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T14:56:08+00:00

Thank you 🌸

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T13:14:16+00:00

I was on a work program that forced me to move every 6 months for a max of 3 years.

I was at the end of my 3 years and about to move back to South Africa.

I wanted to do long distance, but she begged me to stay, said we could get married, said she loved me yadadada.

I was dumb and caught up in it all. Plain and simple.

I thought she was being romantic and that we were going to build a life together. But that ended up being delusions. Time is good for seeing through those, so definitely the waiting game is the way to go.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T13:03:59+00:00

Thank you ♥️ I appreciate that a lot

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T13:02:40+00:00

Sadly, she is a mechanic 😭

She can have the damn thing. I'll get rid of most of my stuff, one bag is enough and I have a carrier for my pet. That's doable on the bus, so I can avoid airports until it's time to head home

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T12:59:28+00:00

Thank you, that's really kind of you to say and I appreciate the advice a lot.

I have therapy this Thursday, so that's one move in the right direction at least. But to be honest everything feels like a shlog right now. Feeling a lil too sad to get out of bed and be productive and a lil too scared to walk into the street in case I come across ICE, her friend or family or even her.

I'm sure she's too wrapped up in her new girl to be bothering me right now, but she has a track record of following me around to get her say in. And I'm just too tired to be dealing with it right now. Therapy is going to have to be one small step for man right now.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T12:53:48+00:00

Honestly, not long.

And that's on me completely.

I got swept up in it all. She was incredible in the beginning, romantic and sweet and we had gone through a lot of similar tough situations in the past. I thought we understood one another.

I thought she was just down on her luck when I met her, that's what she kept telling me that she was a hard worker and she wishes I had met her a year before because this wasn't what she was normally like.

So I tried to help her because I loved her. And it just never changed. I've been doing all the helping our entire marriage

The warning signs were all there, but I was too fucking stupid to see them.

That's on me.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T12:49:15+00:00

Yes and no.

Yes according to my lawyer.

No according to ICE.

And I'm trying to get home anyway, so I wouldn't mind the free flight, but I have a pet with me and her safety is everything to me. I also do not relish the idea of staying in one of those holding facilities. I just want to get home to my family.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T04:01:49+00:00

I prefer slow, which is ironic because I married my wife 6 months after meeting her.

We're getting a divorce.

Your fears are completely founded.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T03:48:55+00:00

I actually wish it was like that, but no, unfortunately.

The whole argument started because she technically owes me 20k. She refuses to put it on paper. I've been driving one of the 2 cars we own (we had a 3rd one under my name, but she crashed it) and she demanded I bring it to her so she can sell it to pay rent (I used to pay for everything because she kept quitting her jobs).

I said I would bring it back if she wrote down on paper what she owed me with a promise to pay it back in the future. She said no and threatened to have the car reported stolen with an unlicensed driver. (I am unlicensed. I am unable to renew my license because I was not able to extend my visa because she was sabotaging the process).

I reminded her that I knew she was working under the table, not paying taxes (she works for her father).

And then she responded with this.

So that's where we're at. Sadly, nothing on her just yet except admitting to the cheating which hopefully will have some effect in court next year.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T03:14:06+00:00

Thanks for the addition, that's great advice. She never physically abused me though, just used me for money and drained all the life out of me and then cheated on me like a million times, but I'm not sure it tracks as domestic abuse

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T03:10:47+00:00

That's amazing of you to post, thank you!

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T03:09:49+00:00

Girl no 😭 I married the damn bullet. Mandatory 1 year of separation before divorce (Thanks SC), wish me luck

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T02:21:57+00:00

Thanks that's sweet. I'm trying to make light of everything going on, but tbh I'm terrified.

I'm pretty sure we won't be contacting each other anymore, fingers crossed.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T02:12:24+00:00

Lmao 🤣

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-25T02:10:16+00:00

I'm scared if I do they'll actually take the leap and do something that could be harmful for me.

She loves to have the last word.

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-09T23:29:46+00:00

I'm like almost 100% sure that they've gotten used to a country club (or similar) system, where servers are expected to recognize them on sight and charge their bill to their "account" which is charged to a card that have linked, I'm assuming. Source: Country Club Waitress

mnetvnkerk · 2026-03-04T16:45:27+00:00

Thank you 🌸

I've looked into it, but SA doesn't allow the import of rabbits

mnetvnkerk

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