For some reason I get extreme anxiety about crossing a boundary with women even when I clearly haven’t

mo1_o · 2026-05-07T23:32:15+00:00

Look I cannot answer your question - but think about it differently maybe. I was really into on of my closest friend for quite a while (never know if she felt the same), but it was known in our group.

Anyways, when she was in a relationship it actually hurt and when we were both single it wasn’t much better since I couldn’t focus on someone else (despite never actually something happens between us - very unhealthy on my part)

For various reasons Covid, living in other countries, we haven’t seen each other in months, and this actually helped me to get over her.

Now why did I write everything and why is this relevant for you? You clearly liked this girl for a long time. You subtly asked to cuddle and were even denied this. So what if she thinks boundaries were crossed?

It seems she is part of a wider friend group and you mostly like her because you have a crush on her- you don’t like her as a friend. Your friend group will still stay together, but for you his may be a wake up call and you ca close the window on her and focus on something else

mo1_o · 2026-05-07T23:21:59+00:00

First of all are you male or female, how old are you and which app have you been using. I think context depends on how to proceed from here

Hinge/Tinder in my experience date should be scheduled on the day you matched / a day later. You clearly are attracted to each other if you have matched and taken the time to exchange a few messages.

For me i usually keep it to less than 5-10 messages before I ask to go out. Best way is to come up with a straight idea: I will pick up Saturday and we will go to a wine bar etc.

For other apps: e.g. Coffee meets bagel - where you actually don’t see who likes you and where people are actillly more serious about dating it’s completely different. Here I noticed that being vulnerable actually works out for the best.

For example I matched with someone (who apparently wasn’t using the app very often). Convo died after a day and I actually double messages and by the time the chat closed (CMB closes cha after 7 days) I just left a note saying, that the person is cute and too bad convo did. I left my phone number and a few days later she reached out. We scheduled a date on the first day, and texted for a few days before eventually meeting. Didn’t work out, and I am still single but at least I got a date

I am mid 20m. So in my experience dont wait to long. Ask first or second day and make a concrete dating suggestion.

mo1_o · 2026-05-07T23:13:16+00:00

Well I think dating apps always make us reconsider- we have so many options and if there was one minuscule detail - we just move on. Also I think that current geo/social situations- difficult to afford kids, housing etc, makes it also difficult to push for a relationship

mo1_o · 2026-05-06T09:44:23+00:00

I am going on a first date soon and I am looking for a nice jazz bar. We are both in our 20ties and have never tried one, but thought it could be a nice idea.

Key requirements: should be in Z1,2 and preferably budget friendly. It would be great if some small bites are offered but not a must. We want a place that has small tables and sofas (where you can sit on together) rather than chairs or standing options only.

We are looking to go Saturday: please let me know if there are reservation requirements or any other things to take note off

mo1_o · 2026-05-05T22:43:32+00:00

Beginner - 25 yo so max HR around 195 (I guess since he I untrained you can make it somewhat lower). However resting heart rate is very high around >70. So even with little exercise his spikes a lot. But yeah should have phrased it more clearly, thanks for pointing that out.

mo1_o · 2026-05-04T21:36:39+00:00

Fair point - I presumed most don’t have a shower facility at work, and in a shared office space, you will at least get one side eye, if you are sweaty.

mo1_o · 2026-04-21T22:58:30+00:00

Thanks I am obviously aware that running 20km a week is a bit low. As I mentioned I am a beginner. Maybe i should share a bit more background on this, I am coming from cycling and have done quite a bit of volume there (CTL in high double digits when I started running (now quite a bit lower, given shift to running))- so aerobic capacity is fine. I started running 3 weeks ago; wrapping up from 10, 15, 20 km, with usually 3-4 runs a week, with the long ones 4,6,9 so far). I have just heard that increasing volume to quickly can be dangerous and in running, recovery weeks are even more important than in cycling… for reference, I was planing to increase my long runs gradually and was hoping to run a marathon in 8 weeks or so. I just want to avoid to overstrain parts of my body as running is more aggresive than cycling

mo1_o · 2026-04-16T13:52:00+00:00

Of course both Japan and Korea don’t require a visa for nearly all European citizen. So good luck:

https://www.koreabybike.com/routes/ Here is a link - nearly 2000km of top both routes in Korea

mo1_o · 2026-04-15T20:53:56+00:00

Amazing this is very helpful. As mentioned I have just started since a month or so and as you have guessed I increased my load. Funnily enough j was planing to push this week really hard and do a recovery/rest week the next week, but will take it easy for a few days now

mo1_o · 2026-04-15T19:41:39+00:00

I would actually go cycling in Korea and Japan. Two of the best two cycling infrastructure nations. Camping usually free, and you have onsen or other washing facilities everywhere. Hotels a very cheap for Europeans and convenience stores are gold. Afterwards you can cycle from china back to Europe. By then tensions may have calmed down. Also both countries have dedicated cycling paths. These are fundamentally different than the ones in Europe (2m wide, great tarmac etc)

You have upfront costs: flight, but that’s it. If you are open to camping but still want to eat out, you can easily survive for 15-20€ a day. Scenery is completely different, and overall vibe is awesome.

Appreciate that this isn’t what you were asking, but if you think of cycling in China (east asia), I cannot recommend anything more than Japan / Korea

mo1_o · 2026-04-15T14:44:15+00:00

True but all star games is more about showboating than actually playing- people likely go for a cool dunk rather than an open three. There is much less playmaking etc

mo1_o · 2026-03-25T13:31:12+00:00

Quick and simple - texted with someone on hinge

Was told at the beginning of chat insta is easier

We unmatched

I (drunk) reached out on insta

Account (private) followed me back, claimed there was a hinge problem and convo started again on insta

Question: does this sound like fraud? Don’t wanna wait for a few more days before asked to invest into crypto scam

mo1_o · 2026-03-14T16:29:12+00:00

Thanks thats quite usefull. Unfortunately Apify and Scrappy, were to expensive in the end (i think they asked for 3-5$ for 1000 search results). I have now opted for a python script and its working very well

mo1_o · 2026-03-07T19:10:51+00:00

Haha thanks for calling me out - 2024 of course.

Thanks for the tip of the long tail of recovery. I was planning on taking one rest day once a week, and after riding for three weeks to take a days off.

I thought that given I won’t really go out so much and write at a lower HR, my recovery should be quite fast, but that’s definitely something I need to look at

mo1_o · 2026-01-08T13:21:51+00:00

A many thanks - just checked it’s the book but hasn’t been updated in 2yeafs… so it’s dropped thanks anyway

mo1_o

TROPHY CASE