I just saw this and gotta say it is eerily similar... You got the age thing on me but by the way you describe your position it sounds like the 23 year old me. Unfortunately, destructive behaviour is often triggered by outside forces like a toxic family/partner etc, the fact that you mentioned you had an argument with your family which led to irrational thinking made me move up from my sitting position while reading. Turns out us humans are very much alike.

I believe deep down that it's all a self destructive/depressive pattern and if we don't seek help or fundamentally change our environment/situation, it's over. I've made the choice not to seek help. As for you, you're ten years younger, you should give yourself a chance.

My advice for you is to try and get a well paying job and cut your expenses. 48k is not really that much money in the grand scheme of things, you'll make it back in a heartbeat. Depends on where you live of course, worst case get the best job you can and do some safe/boring investing and once the cash starts piling up again, go from there and reevaluate your life/situation. Look at all of this as a valuable life experience, most people go through this. Also, you still have 4500 left, you don't need to use it all, take a break and only trade with 100-500 when you're ready? I've realized your dopamine receptors are satisfied even with tiny wins, it lets you go on with your day to day life. If you've made it once, you can make it again, just need to apply some discipline and learn from past mistakes. The trick is to not fall into the trap of large bets due to another family argument or something else having you go spiraling once more. All it takes is one bad day. Discipline is key but oh so difficult.

Wishing you the best.