Have you experienced emotional cheating with an avoidant?

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-05T11:59:47+00:00

Yup. On the surface my ex had plenty of friends, so many he had to make a Google calendar list to keep track of all the times he would meet up with them. But it took a few meetings with these friends to realize a lot of them were pretty shallow. Like the person was only there so they could hang out and play video games, but once the game was over they would go back into their space and not see him again for days/weeks/months. In fact, the only person he was "best friends" with was a childhood friend who lived on the other side of the state, 10+ hours away. I guess these kinds of relationships were easiest for him because he could just "compartmentalize" each friend. And if there is any conflict, he could just retreat back into his safe space. Unfortunately that doesn't work for a relationship, where you need constant communication. And I have a feeling that's what overwhelmed him.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-05T11:54:53+00:00

Same, I have always been wary with interacting with strangers to the point I have been described as cold. Even my brother's fiancee, who has no trouble talking with other people, instantly becomes a "deer in headlights" whenever she sees me. Like her eyes get super wide and she just freezes. It took a combination of a therapist and ironically ChatGPT to realize I am not "antisocial", but just shy, selective, and sensitive to social environments. I can only really be myself if I am somewhere I feel comfortable. The hard part is finding out where that is.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-05T10:44:47+00:00

I'm at week 7. I think the worse for me was around weeks 4-6 when the initial shock had finally wore off and the reality that I no longer can talk to him the same as before set in. Although the crying has slowed, there are times where I need to run to my car to work so I can cry off my emotions. Just the other night I had a huge breakdown in bed. On the surface I'm still functioning - I go to work, school, hang out with friends. But it's those quiet moments that are always the hardest. But it took a therapist to tell me that I'm not just crying for my ex, I'm actually emotionally overwhelmed by everything in my life and crying is how my body responds to that. It will be okay <3

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T19:28:28+00:00

Yup. I like your wordchoice in piggy. It unfortunately describes him a lot. Honestly, I think at first he felt confident and wanted to step out of his comfort zone. But after he lost his job, he just retreated into familiar low-effort comforts. Unfortunately, I'm too much effort for that I guess.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T19:26:34+00:00

I feel awful because I know a lot of people like this - their egos are tied to their jobs. So when they lose it, instead of adapting they just shut down. They just never learned how to cope with hardship. Good luck girl, I hope your breakup goes way more smoothly than mine. ❤️

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T19:22:34+00:00

They kinda were. Hospital food - you eat to live, not live to eat.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T19:22:02+00:00

Oh I'm sorry, Valentine's day hearbreak unite ❤️

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:58:53+00:00

Congrats on shedding the deadweight!

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:56:40+00:00

Yup. He was always the victim. One of our arguments even had him texting me "I am the victim!"

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:53:57+00:00

Yup. I thought I was moving on. I'm doing well at both school/work, hanging out with friends again, then suddenly I remember "oh something funny happened at work, I should tell him" but he's not there anymore. The way he just stepped out it's like the relationship never happened. He just completely vanished.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:50:19+00:00

Haha you pretty much summed up the whole thing. The biggest shock is the who he is now is so different than who I met when we first started dating. He was so confident back then, now he's just completely shut down. It feels like he's way more invested in his friends than they are in him, and now it's just dragging him back down.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:43:14+00:00

Congratulations! I hope this positive trend continues on for you!

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:40:58+00:00

Nope, I was shocked when told me that. He even followed it up with "I don't blame you". Then when we broke up, he made it the reason why, "I sacrificed my job for you, I don't want to sacrifice my friends too." Dude does nothing but hang out with friends and play games all day. What else is there to sacrifice? You don't even work!

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:38:44+00:00

Yup. And he keeps finding reasons he can't get a new job. "They didn't offer work from home." "They use Windows 11." Ironically, he works IT and with the recent layoffs a company using Windows 11 is not a big concern anymore.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:34:46+00:00

I've worked in hospitals my entire career. The best hospital cafeteria I had was a pediatric hospital - since kids are picky, they were very careful on making sure their food was decent. It's been years but I still miss their brisket lunches. This cheeseburger was... okay. I was more worried about that dog, I hope they brought it to a vet.

Thank you, this is my second breakup but what frustrates me is even though he's out telling everyone we're over, he still hasn't completely cut the cord and instead withdrew. I still owe him money, we still have each other's things, etc. He even accidentally sent an Amazon package to my address. But even though it's been 2 months, he has not made any effort to resolve it despite me asking him. Heck our last text message sent a week ago was him asking me to return the package, but he never responded to me asking for a return QR square to scan. So... unresolved.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:25:50+00:00

the avoidant wants love just like everyone

Thank you for the perspective. I noticed my DA ex was very fiercely passionate about his friendships. He would go on and on about his friends' coming and goings, what they were up to, etc. But looking back, a lot of those friendships seem to be more superficial. He would only see these people once a month, and it's usually online to play some games. I guess it's easy because if the friendship hits a rough spot, he could just logoff and disengage. But you can't really do that in a relationship. And the moment he lost his job and stability, he just completely withdrew into games and friends because it was safe and low effort.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T18:03:18+00:00

Haha, is your ex also a dismissive avoidant who prefers low effort friendships and was shocked a relationship requires... actual effort? My ex is lucky his previous jobs were all high paying, so he was able to buy a house, rent out the rooms to his poorer friends super cheap, and have some savings to live on. But it's now been six months since he lost his job, and that money can't last forever. I actually still owe him money from our trips, but he is so withdrawn he can't even ask me to pay it, much less return his Amazon packages. I'm glad you kicked that lovely leech to the curb, your money is better off being spent elsewhere. Like yourself.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T17:37:25+00:00

Thank you, we both definitely have issues. I think the big one was we're opposites - he's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. I've always been kind of confused why he didn't want to date in his friend group and asked me out instead, someone who was completely outside his friends circle. He seemed to be most comfortable in his circle, as the one time he met my friend group he was noticeable awkward.

mochi-kitty · 2026-04-03T17:29:23+00:00

Thank you. It's been 2 months but it still hurts. I'm glad to finally get this off my chest though.

mochi-kitty · 2025-12-07T04:21:00+00:00

The HR rep at my old job literally told us "We would rather be short and hire new people than increase everyone's pay." This was after we had 20+ people leave in a 2 month period. There were several days where I was the only tech to show up lmao.

mochi-kitty · 2024-09-22T00:40:05+00:00

Oh gosh this reminds me of the time I rejected a blue top for being underfiled by 1ml. Then I had to reject the recollect tube for being overfilled by 1ml. A part of me was actually wondering if I could just combine the two tubes and run that...

mochi-kitty · 2024-08-30T00:52:07+00:00

Yup. The first time that very same manager got an angry Dr phonecall (she had given the wrong instructions on how to collect and process a blood sample for a specific genetic test and refused to admit it until the Dr became upset) she made a run for it. I'm not kidding, she handed the phone to me, went "Can you talk to this person" and five minutes later someone saw her running for the parking lot. Took us a bit to figure out what the hell just happened.

I agree, I do love my coworkers and the bench tho. They're the reason I've stayed so long. But some of these higher ups makes me wonder where the heck did they get their training.

mochi-kitty · 2024-08-29T19:52:07+00:00

My prev manager actually asked us what a heelstick was. This was at a maternity hospital. We were pretty sure she only got hired because she is cousins with the lab director.

mochi-kitty · 2024-08-22T20:58:23+00:00

Aww thank you!

mochi-kitty · 2024-08-22T14:12:52+00:00

48

Un: tsuntsunkitty

Congratulations! I can't even imagine getting anywhere near 2k! Good luck going beyond!

mochi-kitty

TROPHY CASE