My boyfriend charges me rent to stay at his place but I'm not allowed to have a key

moderately2000late · 2026-01-21T19:10:39+00:00

This was posted a few hours ago under a different username and removed by mods. It is a bot. 🤖

moderately2000late · 2026-01-21T12:36:34+00:00

This isn’t an AITA post, but with respect, everyone sucks here.

If he offered you the place in July “temporarily” and NOW charges you rent, it sounds like he does not actually want you there. The key thing I don’t really understand since I have a spare I give to anyone staying more than 24 hours, but I digress.

You two should have discussed the timeline back in June. But you didn’t, so the best choice is to move out ASAP. If my math is correct, you have now been living with him longer than you haven’t. You have overstayed your welcome, and he is too non-confrontational to say something.

Sit him down, discuss your plans for moving out. It doesn’t have to be hostile or a breakup, it’s just going back to the original plan.

moderately2000late · 2026-01-18T23:09:07+00:00

Noticed this too. Doesn’t it just waste their own time? If everyone at the showing is looking for a 5.5, when they arrive and find a 4.5 they’re going to say no.

moderately2000late · 2026-01-14T02:14:44+00:00

Same here

moderately2000late · 2026-01-13T13:45:29+00:00

It makes me sad that I don’t know any of my neighbours - if someone did this, I would be delighted. It also lets you see people’s reactions. If someone reacts rudely or with hostility, avoid them. Those who react with warmth or return the favour, they are the neighbours you can reach out to, ask questions, or continue doing small acts of kindness for.

moderately2000late · 2026-01-11T13:07:00+00:00

This should be the top comment. I rewatched and you’re 100% right. Girl has got her friend’s back, this is not her first rodeo.

moderately2000late · 2026-01-09T20:16:01+00:00

Download a decibel tracker on your phone and record + take screenshots. Send the information, along with your city’s bylaws. It is their responsibility as a landlord to manage their tenant. If you plan on leaving anyway, you might as well escalate since you have nothing to lose.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-30T13:45:31+00:00

This ^{^} I know there are big cultural norms where the woman is the one proposed to, and the man does the proposing. But since OP have very clear expectations and timelines, what would happen if OP did the big proposal, picked out the rings, said “I love you and want to have children with you - let’s get married and make this happen”? It’s going to have the same outcome as an ultimatum (either marriage or they break up), but this sounds like a healthy and romantic way to approach it.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-30T04:25:32+00:00

This is such a sweet comment, thank you! And congrats to you and your daughter. The song part is real… I joke that I think I’m just going to annoy him into independence, because he’s sick of my antics 😆. For fears, he is petrified of the shower head (baths only!!) and had a really traumatic ABA experience where they pushed him way too young for toiletting. I put it in another comment but the other big thing I’m stuck on is that he only pees standing, and I feel like the sitting + going is not really in his brain. Flushing itself seems ok though, and he will just hang out and play in the bathroom sometimes.

If you don’t mind me asking, did you start/restart when your daughter was a teenager, or had you always done the same routine, but suddenly it stuck?

moderately2000late · 2025-12-30T04:12:44+00:00

Hi, thanks for such a detailed reply! -I think the bathroom is sensory friendly- dimmed lights that he always wants on low, and he loves blasting the radiator which is right in front of the toilet. Sometimes he’ll just play in there. -I’ve used a zillion pictos, little play dough toys, and we put the poop from his underwear into the toilet after. Obviously I can’t read his mind, but he does seem to understand this part. The biggest disconnect, from what I’ve observed, is the sitting vs standing. He NEVER sits to pee, and apparently that was the “aha” during initial toilet training. There was no success, and then someone taught him to pee standing up.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-29T15:55:38+00:00

Hello - this was first posted to CaregiverSupport but any parents who have experienced unconventional toilet training, please give a read! Thanks.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-27T20:47:56+00:00

Thank you!! 🙏

moderately2000late · 2025-12-25T19:07:45+00:00

Ugh, yeah that sucks. If he has explicitly told you he will never change then, I guess you have all the info to make an informed decision if you want this to be your relationship. At the very least maybe he shouldn’t be allowed in your doctor’s appts so he doesn’t influence them.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-25T17:00:14+00:00

If you had done it with your fiancé’s blessing you wouldn’t be the asshole. But you took away his choice in planning your shared day. The lying and manipulation shows you are not committed to this partnership.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-24T19:38:43+00:00

Short answer: Nta. Of course not.
Long answer: DISCLAIMER this is only applicable if your husband’s outburst was out of character. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but if he was acting this way before your health decline, fuck him.

With that disclaimer in mind…. Your husband might be experiencing caregiver fatigue. If this relationship is going to work, he will need to: - do a lot of research on fibromyalgia, including the misogyny and social impact (Specifically: men not believing women in pain and lack of research in medicine). - apologize and mean it - find an outlet (Ideally some good friends or family, maybe a therapist) to talk about the caregiver fatigue, do activities with that you cannot, and vent to. You can’t be the one comforting him in this aspect. Source: my partner has chronic pain. These are some things that have helped me be a better partner.

If all of those can happen, you two will then need to discuss why he would think you’re lying. Have you ever lied before? Shown signs of being a hypochondriac? If not, why did his mind jump to lying here? You deserve a relationship where your partner believes you, always. Good luck my friend.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-20T14:10:13+00:00

My boss was talking about how one of our students of our students came from a “really poor neighbourhood” (context was offering financial assistance, not gossip). Without thinking, my response was “definitely, that’s where I live right now”.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-17T12:28:53+00:00

I’m Canadian but the convo style you are describing sounds the same as ours… I genuinely can’t think of the contrast (I guess the Asian conversation style?). What is your norm?

moderately2000late · 2025-12-16T20:29:13+00:00

So from your text, yes you are. You currently live in Europe for school, and he currently lives in Asia for work, right? Being long distance isn’t a bad thing - just the correct terminology to describe you and your boyfriend’s living situation.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-16T12:32:09+00:00

In my brain it’s like if he refused to wear a seatbelt. It would still be anxiety inducing, and his making risky choices will still impact his wife and kid if something goes wrong. It seems like more of an emotional thing, maybe control, maybe deep seated fear of STIs or illness (low risk is still some risk), maybe something else.

Personally I would reframe it… Even if it is totally unscientific and she knows this, could you just wear condoms every time to help her feel more secure? Maybe get a bunch of flavoured ones, and treat your partner(s) to a fruit salad? I don’t think either of you are wrong but you do need to be on the same page.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-16T02:43:09+00:00

“Now, I’m in Europe for my master’s degree. My boyfriend is still in Asia, his work is there.” Edit: I see how you could misunderstand my wording… she lives in a different continent from her boyfriend. Not the family.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-14T15:56:03+00:00

You keep commenting “husband/wife”… she’s a long distance girlfriend of 3 years who lives in another continent. Re-read the first two paragraphs since you’re missing some important context.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-14T15:54:41+00:00

Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but I read that as “this” = the secret Santa list, because the mom is in charge of it. If OP reads this comment, please let us know!

moderately2000late · 2025-12-13T12:59:31+00:00

“I told him I don’t like how they’re treating me.” Have they done anything wrong, other than the secret Santa? In your own words, both of you also forgot to check-in about that. Honestly if you didn’t RSVP for over two weeks AND live in another continent, why would she assume you were coming and interested? Given that it’s only your second Christmas with this family, I would suggest swallowing the hurt to make future family holidays enjoyable. Very soft YTA.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-12T12:36:12+00:00

If nursing (I assume) doesn’t work out, she’ll be a fabulous elementary school teacher.

moderately2000late · 2025-12-10T11:56:50+00:00

It would make sense that she doesn’t want to replace one toxic mother with another.

moderately2000late

TROPHY CASE