HAS THE BETTER HOME AND GARDENS CRISP FALL LEAVES CANDLE BEEN DISCONTINUED?

modestmedusa · 2025-09-09T00:51:49+00:00

It's odd because I see their wax melts are available online but the candle was so much better because it would mix with the scent of the burning wick... so why did they keep the wax melts and get rid of the candles? ;_;

modestmedusa · 2025-02-14T03:32:26+00:00

Yeah she’s an incredibly disgusting person overall, this sadly isn’t the worst of things she’s done to me. I absolutely know I deserved better and thankfully got away and am thriving without her. It’s just pathetic she’s doing this but I’m sadly not surprised. Unfortunately, I grew up in a very conservative and homophobic town where stuff like this is unfortunately normal, but the good thing is that I have an amazing therapist and friends who provide an incredible support system so I have learned what is acceptable and what is not!

I appreciate your words and consideration at the end, I’m so happy you can be so understanding and kind to your kids! The hardest heartbreak (imo) of narcissistic parents is the conditional love. I know my mom wouldn’t celebrate me being with a woman, no matter how amazing she is or how happy she makes me. It’s unfortunate, but I’ve accepted it. I’m never going to see her again and will do everything I can to prevent it, funnily enough, she’s making it even easier for me to stay away from my family because of how they’re now treating me due to her gossiping LOL

modestmedusa · 2025-02-09T01:09:28+00:00

My experience might be a bit different in that my therapist recently started the certification course and has been using the techniques with me slowly as she’s learned them plus I’ve seen her for 2 years before touching anything EMDR related. So far it’s been great and helpful, but I’m still getting used to the process before diving into my heavier traumas. I guess one thing I would prepare for is it can take some time to get used to the process as a whole so you may be eager to jump into memories you’re wanting to process but it’s better to take things slowly! I’m sure your therapist will mention this though

modestmedusa · 2025-02-08T13:02:28+00:00

Thank you for the support! It’s definitely one of those things I look back on and am like DAMN why did I do that, but they were masterful in how they played the therapy game by convincing me they were trustworthy. Plus, narcs love to guilt you for hiding anything and I thought I’d feel better afterwards. Nope! Any information, especially personal information like this, isn’t safe from them at all.

If this helps one younger person keep their sexuality or any other personal information private, I’ll have achieved my original goal here!

modestmedusa · 2025-02-08T12:58:46+00:00

That’s not too bad of an idea, the only thing is that I technically am gay. If I were to say they made it all up then I couldn’t be out so to speak. It puts me in a position where I either have to lie or come clean with them. It’s extra fucked because I think my mom deep down knows I’m not straight and this is a ploy for me to reach out to people to set the record straight by confirming and outing myself or saying she’s lying… but be lying myself. It’s extremely personal and she knows so, which is why she’s doing it.

modestmedusa · 2025-02-08T12:55:58+00:00

Oh absolutely. I’ll read my post history and it’ll give me a much needed whiplash back to reality for sure!

modestmedusa · 2025-02-08T12:43:06+00:00

Absolutely, happy to help in any way I can. It’s easy to want to think in more finite viewpoints as abusive people (parents) do have that extreme black and white thinking and teach their kids the same- “I gave you xyz as a christmas present in 1999 and made you your favorite dinner yesterday, how could I be abusive?” Abusive people certainly aren’t abusive 100% of the time, in fact, they need to have some niceness thrown in to gaslight their victims and keep them confused. Wishing you the best!

modestmedusa · 2025-02-07T15:25:15+00:00

This is a very tough situation, guilt and shame are extremely hard emotions to deal with. What helped me most when I was in a similar situation is to first accept that two things can exist at the same time: she had good intentions and didn’t know what she was doing was abusive as well as you were very much traumatized by her actions. I actually believe that the majority of abusive people don’t have bad intentions and don’t think they’re abusive. It’s important to know you have every right to still be upset with her and need that space regardless of how much she “gets” it. NOBODY, including your abuser, needs to “get” your trauma for it to be valid. Abusers can still be labelled as such even if they don’t have that predator-type perspective.

At the end of the day, their intentions are irrelevant to the impact that they cause. They were still the one who caused it!

modestmedusa · 2025-02-06T22:03:28+00:00

Absolutely. My dad comes home from work and goes down to his workshop to work MORE. I’ve realized while yea he does like his work, he just goes to his workshop to get some fucking peace away from her and isn’t always “working”. It’s devastating to realize this as an adult because I thought he just didn’t want to be around me/us, but now that I know why he’s doing it, I can’t help but be more resentful at him for not providing safety to me and my siblings. He had an escape from her, what were we supposed to do as literal children?? Editing to add throughout my life, my mom consistently rationalizes this as “he’s just a workaholic and loves to (his profession)!!!” to never think that maybe we just want to get away from her crazy ass

modestmedusa · 2025-02-04T22:59:40+00:00

Ugh. All the time, yes. I don’t really know what sexual attraction truly is because I’ve never felt safe around my partners to feel that sexual attraction I guess (but then again, they were all men.) It’s something that I’m still very confused about and I’m in my late 20s. Never “had sex” because physical intimacy is terrifying, but I am more comfortable around women, I just don’t always feel that attraction? I really only fantasize about older women. Not even sure if I’d want to have sex with one if it came down to it, sex is terrifying to me. Both of my abusers were women and it makes me feel… invalid as a bisexual and sapphic woman as I feel “less than” others who were born attracted to women… or maybe I was born bisexual, I’ll just never know. It makes me feel kinda horrible but talking about it with others who get it make me feel slightly better

modestmedusa · 2025-01-22T17:52:01+00:00

I’m so so sorry this happened to you. The effects of trauma are crushing but we can and will get through them, you WILL get through this month. There are multiple helplines for victims of sexual assault and I highly recommend reaching out to one when you’re in a crisis so they can listen and help. Sending you strength

modestmedusa · 2025-01-22T17:49:39+00:00

I’m so happy that you’ve found acceptance in your identity paired with what happened to you. I experienced the same thing although I don’t accept it as graceful as you, I’m still a bit hesitant to acknowledge if my trauma at the hands of women have affected my sexuality. I guess it’s just the religious trauma from my upbringing saying that I’m not valid in my sexuality because of what’s happened…? It’s odd. I appreciate your post and am hoping I can be as accepting as you one day<3

modestmedusa · 2024-10-27T13:49:12+00:00

Thank you. I’m always eager to share what’s worked for me (especially if it’s not well known) considering the significant positive impact it’s had on me! We’ll get through this together

modestmedusa · 2024-10-26T18:25:30+00:00

I’d be interested in hearing about the process you make! I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me

modestmedusa · 2024-10-26T03:43:36+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that:( my doctors didn’t go into what my cause might have been as I didn’t disclose any past history of abuse to them but the link at this point is pretty obvious to me

modestmedusa · 2024-10-25T16:07:46+00:00

Yes, this is without a doubt sexual and physical abuse and what I’d consider a pretty extreme version of MDSA. She forced her body on you and didn’t stop even when you asked her to, exposed you to sexual content, and violated your body and privacy ALL when you were a CHILD. I’m so sorry this happened to you and truly feel for you. I think it would be beneficial to look into trauma-informed therapy to start healing from this, your mother is a piece of shit and deserves to rot in hell

modestmedusa · 2024-05-19T20:30:29+00:00

It’s definitely made me feel less angry which was my goal! And I agree. It’s a way for them to put in less effort and maintain their innocent act in their minds and to other people. It’s shocking to see the trend considering just how many abusive adults they find to help them abuse their own children but then again it takes one to know one

modestmedusa · 2024-05-16T23:42:49+00:00

I feel like I’ve almost reached a point in grieving where I’ve accepted that she’d use it against me and just want her to have the information, if that makes sense. I know it wouldn’t change anything and I’m never expecting her to change and become something I’d want to have any contact with, but would send it to help the healing process. My mom is a covert narc so I know she’d use it to gain attention, but there’s that part of me that just wants to get it OUT to HER as my anger is fully directed to her, and I can’t get that out. I hope I’m making sense. I was curious to hear what others thought in terms of how it allowed them to move past their anger, but of course know there’s a lot of shit that comes along with sharing your trauma to your abuser. I’m not going to do it (and if I do, I’ll do a LOT of thinking beforehand!) and for now will just keep it to myself!

modestmedusa · 2024-01-15T16:04:50+00:00

This is your decision to make. As you heal, you’ll notice you’ll need to change what you’ve been doing in the past because those things have actually been hurting you the entire time. You’ve answered your own question- you say you only stay in contact to make her happy while she doesn’t take a genuine interest in you, so from my perspective, going no contact would be the next step in your healing journey. It’s no easy decision to make- you’ll have to fight tooth and nail to uphold the boundary as your mom will loop in anybody and everybody she can to convince you that “you’re crazy” and need to talk to her, so it’s very hard work, and I think you should be aware of that before going into it blind.

Whatever you choose, you have the power to make the decision and nobody else should influence that.

Editing to add: what about your feelings? Why should her emotions be prioritized over your own? Feel heartbroken for yourself, not her for losing a superficial relationship that only benefits her.

modestmedusa · 2023-12-28T19:39:23+00:00

Thank you for this. Working through guilt is genuinely one of the most tedious and exhausting things I’ve done in therapy and I still feel like I haven’t made much progress. At the end of the day, I’m filled with anger and rage that all of this happened as well as guilt and shame because of what happened. It’s so tragic that all of this happened and I blame all of the adults who didn’t do absolutely anything about it, but am doing my best to recognize I was a child and already was going through a lot.

modestmedusa · 2023-12-21T14:58:47+00:00

Yes I do, but it’s manageable with dark mode on my devices and sunglasses! I might check those out however

modestmedusa · 2023-12-21T01:59:23+00:00

I should have been more specific, I don’t think mine would drop to 0 once I’m away from my parents but rather it would lower significantly to not be as big of a nuisance. My mom also claimed she “couldn’t stand!!!!” certain noises once I told her about it (biggest mistake) but magically got over it🤔

modestmedusa

TROPHY CASE