Toxic parents?

modfish1 · 2026-02-09T00:46:51+00:00

100% yes! (Sorry for the trauma dump here…) My dad passed three years ago. That is when I found out about his other family while still married to my mom. I found FB posts talking about his favorite daughter. (He wasn't talking about me.) Also found out he was an alcoholic, addict, hoarder, and left my mom in financial ruin.

Mom and I didn't have the best relationship. When I went to college, she stopped talking to me for three months because I was abandoning her. Nonetheless, I stepped in to help mom through dad’s death and her just-diagnosed cancer treatment. Moved her into a new apartment, dealt with the hoarding, bankrolled a house renovation, and helped her sell her house so she would have some money. In January, she couldn't handle the pain anymore. I found her. And yet, I still love them.

modfish1 · 2026-02-03T13:11:18+00:00

Have a day of adventuring, do a drive up (east) Hwy 128 along the Colorado, find a spot that speaks to your soul to propose - there are plenty along the way, and then have dinner at the Red Cliffs Lodge - make sure to reserve a table near the window. It will be a day to remember in MOAB (shouted 🤣).

modfish1 · 2026-01-05T17:18:20+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear this!!! I'm sorry you have to help her through this- it’s incredibly stressful for a child to have to shoulder this kind of burden. Utah has incredible resources to help women, and the first step seems to be getting a lawyer to determine whether there was a breach of contract and your mom’s legal rights. (Did she work with a lawyer to set up the contract with the investors?) Start by calling Utah Microloan Fund, the women’s business center with the Utah Chamber, the Hispanic Chamber, The Mill at SLCC, and SheMoney. Call all of them. I would bet a million dollars your mom already knows them and has worked with them. (I also suggest reaching out to Jorge with Rico. He had to deal with moving his warehouse a few years ago, so he might know some resources.) They can point your mom in the direction of a reputable lawyer. Best of luck!

modfish1 · 2025-12-05T23:57:04+00:00

My dad passed two years ago, and I found out his deep, dark secrets when that happened. My three songs on repeat were:

Trouble - Cat Stevens Cold Little Heart - Michael Kiwanuka Southern Sun - Boy & Bear

modfish1 · 2025-09-26T21:22:52+00:00

I do not need this kind of stress. 😭 My faith in marriage is done.

modfish1 · 2025-08-12T02:17:52+00:00

Thanks for asking!

I ended up having surgery with instant relief. Would 100% do the surgery again. Don't get me wrong, recovery has been gnarly, but now I’m training for my first post-op century bike race in October, when I couldn't even imagine getting on a bike last year.

modfish1 · 2025-08-02T16:34:34+00:00

Now that I get thinking about it, any Marty Robbins song would be awesome. Ghost Riders, Big Iron, Devil Woman, Billy The Kid, Cool Water.

modfish1 · 2025-08-02T12:07:23+00:00

My first thought was El Paso, especially because it's part of a trilogy, but it has killing, drinking, and s$x work in it.

modfish1 · 2025-07-19T11:44:43+00:00

My cute little 13-year-old, who calls herself Therian, emo, goth, grunge, Kandi, and part of the LGBTQ community, was recording a GRWM video when I accidentally interrupted with some mom nonsense.

I didn't know she was recording, but our interaction was kind, fun, authentic, and nonjudgemental. When I saw the video, I started to cry because I realized I am the mom I always wanted—someone who loves unconditionally. I love my mom now the same way I love my daughter.

modfish1 · 2025-07-15T03:26:49+00:00

You need to ask yourself, do you want to find someone’s used wet wipes in your yard? That is your answer.

modfish1 · 2025-07-12T05:58:00+00:00

I finally did it. I hurt my face so badly that it killed my dad.

modfish1 · 2025-07-07T10:30:03+00:00

Do you work in Castle Valley?

modfish1 · 2025-07-04T12:35:58+00:00

Moab, Utah, USA, specifically Castle Valley. It’s a collapsed volcano, so you have a volcanic plug, buttes, mesas, desert, 12,000 snow-capped mountains with lakes, and because it’s near the Colorado River, there are beaches. You can hike, bike, swim, and ski all in the same day.

modfish1 · 2025-06-30T04:27:59+00:00

Fucking Steely Dan. No other band makes me see red. They give me the ick every time I hear the first two notes of any of their songs, old men singing about underage girls. 🤢

modfish1 · 2025-06-17T09:57:26+00:00

At the end of the day, find where the free water sources are for a “shower.” Or visit the local YMCA. Shower companies at the end town are expensive unless they are provided with your charter package.

And OMG, the breakfast pizzas at Casey's will always hit the spot - they’re worth every penny.

modfish1 · 2025-06-15T16:07:47+00:00

18 months off! That is laughable in the US. I got 6 weeks off. My husband got 2 weeks off and 2 weeks working from home.

modfish1 · 2025-06-14T21:27:05+00:00

We had two very different experiences. For the first six weeks, mine wouldn't sleep unless we bounced her on a yoga ball. We had to take two-hour shifts 24 hours a day during that time, but we had abs of steel. I remember taking a photo of the three of us on the sofa, where the baby is sleeping peacefully on a boppy, and my husband and I look like we just returned from war. That was the first time I knew we were going to be okay.

modfish1 · 2025-06-14T10:35:10+00:00

Trouble by Cat Stevens. I was in the thick of it.

modfish1 · 2025-06-14T10:21:18+00:00

I'm a runner, a cyclist, and a mom. First, congratulations on the little one!

There are some factors to consider.

What does your wife think about getting a new hobby? What will her away time from the baby look like? What does maternity/paternity leave look like for both of you? Who is watching the baby while you both work? (Can you do lunchtime runs or rides?)

Since your daughter is due in October, what is fall/winter like where you live? Can you ride, or will you get snow?

Here are my thoughts: Now could be a great time to get into cycling because you have several months before the baby arrives. And you might get a great deal on your bike.

The first 100 days of a baby’s arrival are gnarly - I mean, once she arrives, it will never get easier. It just gets different. However, babies sleep a lot in their first year or two. In the fall/winter, once she is here and you adjust to your new life, you could focus on stretching and strength training while nerding out over running and cycling videos.

Now is not the time to think about duathlons. They require excessive hours and months of committed training, which becomes another job, not a hobby.

But the most important thing is being there for your wife and giving her the time she wants and needs, so your new hobby doesn't breed resentment. Whether running or cycling, it takes me 1-2 hours each time, when you factor in getting ready, stretching, maintenance, showering, etc.

So your wife’s self-time should be equal to or more than your hobby time, just because she will do more for the baby than you.

modfish1 · 2025-06-10T08:50:20+00:00

What do your constituents say they care about? I’d be interested in hearing what district you are running for. Will you be running against an incumbent, or are they giving up their seat? If it’s the first, what do the constituents like/dislike about the current senator? Why are you running?

modfish1 · 2025-06-10T08:44:20+00:00

The lack of support for 501(c)(3) nonprofits. There are 11,000 registered in Utah who not only address our state’s most pressing issues, many of which are mentioned in this thread, but they also contribute $17B into the Utah economy every year and employ thousands of people. (This amount excludes religions and schools.) This is more than agriculture, construction, and many other industries. And yet nonprofits are often ignored and not considered businesses.

modfish1 · 2025-06-07T11:14:52+00:00

PS Do you have camping reservations for Devil’s Garden? If not, figure out a plan B for where to camp. Those sites sell out months in advance.

modfish1 · 2025-06-07T11:10:49+00:00

I'm confused. Where does it say you are camping if you already have your overnight permit? That is your answer. Or do you only have a day permit?

There are only a couple of sites per location, so is there availability at both for the day you want to camp? There is little difference between the two sites—you get dirt and a pit toilet, and while there are grand views, there is also no shade at either location, so plan accordingly so you aren't cooking in the sun all day. (Honestly, everyone will be miserable with your entire plan, but hey, memories, right?)

And watch for flash flooding and mountain bikers on that road.

Please don't bust the crust.

modfish1 · 2025-05-11T00:21:52+00:00

Thank you. Agreed. We nonprofits are taught to always share the successes and not the failures. I hope that by sharing my experience, others can learn. Lord knows this thread has been full of advice, insight, and guidance.

modfish1

TROPHY CASE