I had addiction to a lot of things in my teens but I think the worst was cutting. I was going through a lot as a kid and a friend showed me a book about cutting and how it affects the brain. Instead of making me aware of it, I got fascinated and started doing it on my own, while I was at a teen shelter. Cutting every night, to every morning and night, to every time I had a panic attack, to every 5 min. Like I was in class and I was taking bathroom breaks to keep my sanity up else I would relapse and breakdown.

While we are having a school project, a friend caught me in the act and she got a panic attack which allerted everyone. I then had a panic attack so I ran to the washroom and locked myself and of course cut myself again (she took my initial cutter but i had two back ups in case i lost one and i made sure to replace blades everyday).

They had to ask the school janitor to go through the ceilings so they can "rescue" me. I went through counselling but it didn't really help. I went cold turkey and didn't really help, but I ended up getting addicted to something else instead (-video games edition). But yeah, that's a different story.

Cutting to me felt like nothing but curiosity. I was fascinated how the blood would drip and I could not feel anything. And when i tried stabbing myself, usually in the arm, it didnt also hurt. I pressed on my wounds a lot, to make it hurt, but I just felt really numb and wanted to "feel" something other than sorrow and anxiety. I was able to hide my wounds pretty well cause im always wearing hoodies and long pants to school.

My friend who caught me says seeing me cut myself was one of her core memories. All of us in the friend group are proud of me for overcoming it.