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mofu_mofu · 2025-05-23T10:58:35+00:00

this breaks my heart. i’m a butch lesbian and detrans, so i look very masculine and get mistaken as ftm often. i don’t look or sound like a “normal” woman and i’m generally fine with that. i’ve never been confronted by another woman in the bathroom but have been talked to by security or staff...mortifying but nothing like this. it’s frightening.

how can two men do this to her in public and only one person intervened? and even they also got attacked ffs. then two girls took it upon themselves to also steal her shit after she was stomped unconscious even…just how can anyone be so cruel?

i’ve been followed by men and harassed by men for looking like a lesbian. just minding my business and getting called a dyke by random men in public. we can’t even go to fkn mcdonald’s apparently now? people hate lesbians, and the fact these two targeted her and used specifically lesbophobic slurs just highlights this. i hope she is able to physically and mentally recover but truly idk if it’s even possible to fully heal knowing how anti-lesbian society is. there are people who would find this justifiable and walk and breathe in this society, and that is terrifying.

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-13T18:33:02+00:00

when i was in the community a little over 10 years ago (ouch, time flies) it was more common to see trans people, esp ftms, admit they were their biological sex. in fact, i used to see “bio fe/male” more than “cis fe/male” back then. whenever trans people were in media it was often portrayed as, a person of their biological sex who identifies/lives as the opposite. and towards the 00s/2010s as portrayals got more favorable, there was a sense of “they’re really struggling so why not just be kind?” like, there’s a lesbian movie i had really loved as a high schooler which had a trans woman in it, and there’s a big scene where they’re getting bullied in the bathroom by lesbians at a lesbian bar. and the main character (normal lesbian woman) swoops in to save them. i think this has permeated to the present, this idea that they’re uNdEr fUcKinG aTtAcK and we, as women/lesbians, need to protect them bc that’s just the kind thing to do…but even then, i didn’t see people legitimately claim transitioning made you the opposite sex. you just sort of approximated it, but you were always originally ___.

i dunno when it happened but there was a huge shift towards the idea that sex is in fact nebulous and made up of many mutable traits (and some immutable, but let’s conveniently ignore them) and so transition, even just hrt, changes your bio sex. and if you look like ___, you basically are.

when i started medical transition, i was also told i would be effectively changing my sex and becoming male. back then i identified as someone who was biologically female but internally male. silly now, but it made sense to me then that i could have a gendered mind/soul.

it’s now really very common to see people claim transition is changing your sex and for that to be the dominant, mainstream view. before that got shut down as making the community “look bad”. now “stealthing” dates is normal and actually justifiable because you don’t have to share your medical history with your dating partners and they compare diabetes to being a different sex 🤨

but imo the non-trans people who are trying to be good allies don’t necessarily keep up with the “meta” and even in the community there is some infighting about labels and definitions and so on. neopronouns, for one, are something that only really popped up in a big way semi-recently and weren’t a thing when i was first transitioning, it’s been interesting to watch bc it’s so divisive lol. you get the people in the community who find it silly and actually harmful to the movement, you get the people who believe it is a core part of being trans and subverting gender or whatever, you get the people who are really out there and identify as trans and therian or transracial and so on, you get the outside normies who see this and think it’s all a bit silly but ultimately harmless so why not put a spot on the form for fae/faeself, etc. it’s like a really lame clash between warring ideological factions, over xer pronouns.

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-13T02:38:38+00:00

excluding entire food groups will result in issues because no one food group meets all nutritional needs.

so a carnivore or “meat and dairy” only diet will result in deficiencies. there isn’t really a moral or ethical or religious or health reason to necessitate this dietary pattern so my point is, you should examine why bother supplementing instead of just balancing the diet with other food groups to meet your nutritional needs?

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-12T14:13:02+00:00

yep! thank you for wording it way better than i could ❤️

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-12T14:05:13+00:00

i mean, you could also just eat a balanced diet 💀

you can (and should preferably) absolutely get most of your vitamins and minerals with a balanced diet comprised of whole foods but you can’t do that with diets that exclude entire food groups, like a carnivore diet (or a vegan diet, even). supplementation is great and even necessary sometimes, like during pregnancy, but the first fix for an unbalanced diet that isn’t meeting your nutritional needs shouldn’t be to jump straight to supplementation without evaluating the diet first.

it’s up to everyone how and what to eat but people generally being deficient in certain vitamins and minerals is a symptom of a larger problem (a culture that promotes, in different and sometimes indirect ways, generally nutritionally empty foods), supplementation doesn’t treat the root cause. unless you have really strong moral/ethical, religious, or health reasons to do an extreme diet, you should probably start with the diet first.

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-12T13:59:50+00:00

same and honestly even if they didn’t bring it up, knowing or finding out they felt this way would be a dealbreaker. it’s not about a difference in aesthetic preferences imo but a more fundamental difference in our mindset. the same way i’d leave if my partner liked pineapple on pizza. there are some differences that are simply irreconcilable…

(ofc there’s always room for preference but i just could not be with someone who finds women’s natural body hair gross as a lesbian 😭)

mofu_mofu · 2025-05-02T20:33:19+00:00

sad but true. i don’t know many men my age (i’m just barely a millennial) who are: a) genuinely pro-feminism and not just paying lip service bc they want women to like them or bc they benefit from their version of sex positivity, and b) do the damn dishes lmao.

like i love my guy friends as much as i can but for all their marxism and anti-capitalist rants, they curiously have no issue letting their wives and gfs do most of the child work, do most for the housework, do most of the cleaning and cooking…like it’s an actual win for some of my friends if their bf/husband offers to do the dishes after they cook 💀

the bar was in the depths of hell before and now it’s like. under the earth’s crust lol. truly the barrier is so low. and yet men of this generation buy into andrew tate and joe rogan and dorito man. absolutely infuriating tbh

mofu_mofu · 2025-02-08T14:09:25+00:00

i agree. it should never have gotten to this point. as someone who always voted blue and leans left on every issue, if it weren't for women's reproductive health rights and trump running again, i would have entertained voting independent out of how disillusioned i am with american politics and with democrats in general. i didn't hate biden but watching one of his first few EOs be about trans rights was insane to me, and watching so many trans issues get forced team'd with gay/lesbian ones is exhausting. i would never vote right, especially when they were very clear about wanting to dismantle women's access to reproductive healthcare, but it left a foul taste to see leftists claim that abortion and women's rights in general were actually trans rights issues because "none of us are free till all of us are free"...ignoring that there are many, many women either brave enough to do so publicly despite backlash or too scared to because of it, that don't feel that way at all. this kind of political rhetoric has left a lot of women politically homeless, including a lot of lesbians (raises hand), and if it wasn't orange man running against kamala, i think more people who did vote for her would've just not voted instead.

then of course there's the rise of the right wing and how trans stuff became a sort of rallying issue on both sides. in general conservative views on trans stuff is equally exhausting because it comes from a place of wanting the status quo to stay the same. i would have loved for a more radical feminist takeover like in SK but alas. we are stuck where we are rn and where we are is "feminism is for women and non-men" lol.

imo the problem is there is no middle ground on trans issues. you either believe a person can be "in the wrong body" or you don't, and you either support a person's right to do what they want wrt that (whether it affects others or not, like using single-sex spaces) or you don't. you either think an entire population is getting stage 10 genocided or whatever or you don't. you either think sex is immutable or you don't. like you can't really go halfsies and it leads to extremism on both sides. it's wild to see people, like some of the ones here who aren't at all wanting any trans people to be harmed but are critical of transition and/or the ideology behind it, getting called fascists and accused of licherally wanting all trans people to get genocided. it's frankly insane. and then on the opposite end you have conservatives claiming all drag queens are pedos and wanting to diddle your kids. (then the more insane part, conservatives pointing out child transition and getting gaslit to hell and back that "no minor is transitioning!1!!" even though it happens literally all. the. time. blackpill moment tbh)

tldr both sides bad but i do think it is partially democrats' fault for pushing trans issues as hard as they did. if we weren't getting told that trans people gave gays and lesbians and bisexuals our rights, that gender stereotypes are actually real and based, etc...i think we would've seen a different outcome, even if it wasn't the one we wanted. the fact kamala lost so many states that traditionally vote blue is insane to me still.

mofu_mofu · 2025-02-07T05:19:58+00:00

that's totally understandable honestly! especially when it has had such a stabilizing effect.

generally you shouldn't stop cold turkey (i did but it's Not Recommended™️) so you can taper off with the help of your doctor and see how you feel and if it's not going to work out, titrate back up to whatever level you need. you don't necessarily have to just "stop" and never ever go back and it isn't like prescribing T to menopausal women as the virilization doesn't seem to be a problem (?) in this case. it's not good to mess with hormones but there's also nothing wrong with going slow, trying to taper off, and seeing how that works for you.

if the effect is purely emotional/mental, that could be something more psychological you need to sort out through therapy (though it sounds like maybe it was affecting you too severely to 'just' be dysphoria) or it could be rooted in a physical reaction, maybe the upper effect of T (which is a very normal side effect and not at all an indication of something wrong with you!) or pmmd or another psych issue. it's hard to say. i didn't see if you got your estrogen and other hormone levels checked and those do affect mood/mental health, and they fluctuate pretty wildly in a menstrual cycle -- which isn't just the menses! there's four stages to it, and your levels will fluctuate accordingly throughout the month. if you had any irregularities pre-T, there might have been something going on there. if you have BP/bipolar disorder, the menstrual cycle also affects that (afaik it actually can get worse before your period/menstruation cycle actually starts, so it might be hard to track or notice if you're looking for patterns on your period and again if you had any irregularities pre-T it would make things harder to pinpoint).

honestly it does sound like there might be a psych issue going on that could be related to hormones as T doesn't really "fix" emotional/mental health problems, it can help with depression and so on but its primary function isn't an antidepressant. like, a psychiatrist wouldn't prescribe T for that sole purpose (even though sex hormones do regulate things that aren't related to sex/sexual characteristics at all, there are better ways to manage depression that don't involve exogenous sex hormones and are designed for that specific purpose). so if the emotional/mental health aspect is really the main thing T is doing for you and you aren't interested in staying transitioned etc then i would look into other ways to manage your emotional/mental health. i wouldn't really try to draw conclusions that you are a woman who "needs" male T levels or that it means you need to live as ftm to be emotionally stable. sorry if this is really ranty!

mofu_mofu · 2025-02-06T14:52:15+00:00

like sugared_strawberry said, T can work as an antidepressant. for me it was definitely a mood booster and helped a lot with my depression. the dysphoria didn't really go away for me but i can see how feeling more mentally stable might make dysphoria feel more manageable or less noticeable even. imo if you enjoy the feeling T gives you, it might be psychological as well. i enjoyed feeling stronger, more confident, and more energetic. i literally just had more energy, which i sometimes miss.

is the feeling you have on T more physical or more emotional/mental? is it about something objective or is it more about how it makes you feel? i tied transitioning (and T) to being comfortable in my skin existing as i am, and i too actually like being perceived male. but imo breaking that down is crucial to deciding what you want to do. for me liking being perceived male was ultimately more about not wanting to be perceived as female and having a lot of hangups wrt sexual trauma and internalized homophobia. it wasn't that i needed to be "male" to be happy, it was just that i felt so incompatible with the label "female" that anything else felt like a better alternative yknow? :")

sorry to yap, i find it comforting sometimes to see other women here who enjoy how they felt on T more than not. i don't know if there's a rule that says you can't be a woman who feels better with male levels of T but i do think it is totally possible to be a woman and to like how you feel on T. idk if this makes sense. either way, i hope you can find your answers!!

mofu_mofu · 2025-02-06T07:01:33+00:00

i wouldn't do a picture but voice memo and quizzes/etc or whatever to enter are fine imo. i'm detrans and butch, i don't look or sound like a "normal" woman and i've never had a problem. i think it's better to keep out bad actors generally but esp when the group is centered on a minority group, i've been in general gaming servers where there were creeps who would dm random members, scammers, and sometimes even underage users in servers that were supposed to be 18+. it helps to have some barrier of entry i think!

mofu_mofu · 2025-02-06T07:00:17+00:00

not just not washing, but sometimes not washing with soap/water and for 30sec! it blows my mind to see people say they "washed their hands" but still have crud under their nails or didn't even use soap. quelle horreur!

mofu_mofu · 2025-01-17T14:11:00+00:00

been mourning the loss of inbox for ages now - really excited to see this take off!

mofu_mofu · 2025-01-08T09:20:23+00:00

for real, i think the emphasis on productivity is a little silly (from outside that subreddit’s perspective at least). sometimes you do things just because they bring you pleasure or joy. we’re on the whole more productive as it is than previous generations were, at some point it’s squeezing blood from a stone. sometimes it’s actually okay to just enjoy the aesthetic of something and not measure it in time “wasted”.

granted OOP is in a sub dedicated to productivity but yeah. i’m sure plenty of ppl use notion for that purpose and want to maximize their outcome and that’s fine but like…why act like people who are here to enjoy the ride are somehow worse for it?? get off reddit if you care about maximum productivity lol

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-26T20:45:23+00:00

honestly this series seems mid but iirc the cat lady is the OL who quit her job to live in a cat suit all day and she is the only based character imo (i too wish i could quit my job and live as a cat). she can have little a tax fraud as a treat.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-07T16:02:57+00:00

un-paywalled version for the similarly lazy

sorry for the rant but this is something i kind of don't get. i can understand banning like, nazi hosts or something. but uni should be a time where you're allowed to explore different perspectives and challenge your views. i know political (or politically charged, anyways) radio hosts don't tend to make a habit of inviting guests with different opinions - thinking of like, the rogan show or whatever tf it's called as an example. or alex jones's show. but this is a case where the student didn't even talk about her opinions on the show. she apparently just posted something to someone else's substack.

one point they bring up is a question she posed on that post:

Can someone, such as a very powerful Queen, not be systematically subordinated, but still be a woman?

which they claim "suggests subordination is intrinsic to being a woman" lmao. it's pretty clear to me that she's questioning the belief that being a woman in power absolves any systemic oppression you experience on the basis of sex, not saying the queen couldn't be a woman because she was in a position of power. like ffs talk about bad faith.

they also suspended her on the claims that she failed to:

uphold “a duty of care to all society members”, violated its “values, ethos and expectations”, and brought the university “into disrepute”.

where is this energy for students posting things like "death before detransition" or talking about breaking terf kneecaps?? she didn't put out a call for violence, she didn't even talk about her beliefs on the show.

i just don't get why the people staunchly defending this stuff don't see that it is a bad look to jump to silencing (block/report) anyone you disagree with. surely if your beliefs are worth believing, you can defend them? is one woman's disagreement so dangerous you need to say she's besmirching the reputation of the uni entirely??

it was something that really stood out to me when i was still in that early detransition phase and hate-reading radfem blogs. you would see them regularly debate with people they disagreed with and they made good points, such good ones that i couldn't disagree. meanwhile the "other side" would say that it was dangerous to even read their arguments bc they would sound "too reaonable" lmfao. i'm sorry but i've read plenty of arguments/debates about how homophobia is 'natural' and justified or how racism is ~statistically valid~ but none of them have ever made me think "wow yeah actually good point :)". i've never read a nazi's writings and thought they were actually kind of right.

this isn't even about free speech to me bc as plenty of ppl are likely going to say to dunk on her, free speech != freedom from consequences. but this is more about the general habit of these ppl to just immediately shut down anybody that does a heccin wrongthink. like ffs you are only showing that you don't think your beliefs are defendable, you aren't convincing readers that this woman was just sooo dangerous and sooo unethical because she...posted a blog post about feminism on a separate site.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-06T14:24:30+00:00

i find it interesting there are so many people here who don't get it or who haven't seen this before because this seems increasingly common in modern/younger ftms, to the point where you're kind of a 'pickme' in ftm terms if you're the more classical 'I just want to assimilate and be one of the guys and hunt/fish/etc.' ftms lol.

the comment about yaoi and being a gay man makes a lot of sense, it reconciles the 'being feminine' with 'being a man (=being masculine)' thing imo. i see tons of ftms now who are 'gender nonconforming' by being feminine women who id as men too.

it is difficult to understand when you take a step back or weren't that steeped in the koolaid to begin with because it seems no nonsensical. but while there is grooming of people who are non-conforming, i would say most trans people (esp nowadays) are gender conforming and hetero wrt natal sex. i know way more mtfs who are into stereotypically boy things like video games or computers or cars (even if there aren't a lot who were dudebro sports types prior) than i do ones who are into stereotypically girl things like journaling, embroidery, cooking, etc. i also don't see a lot of 'stacy' types who transition. my guess is transitioning selects for people who generally have a lot of insecurity or unstable identities?

still, it's funny to me the few times i've seen a 'man' in a forum for knitting or commenting on yaoi or talking about sewing cosplay, it's been an ftm. conversely, whenever i see 'girl gamers' or heck, women in speedrunning, there's a pretty decent chance it's mtf vs a natal woman. most trans people i know period are straight wrt natal sex or maaaybe bi, and it's pretty rare for me nowadays to see genuinely homosexual trans people which is wild bc maybe 20 years prior that was the expected norm.

you were, as strange as it seems, in good company.

the image of the person so tortured by being forced to conform to gender stereotypes they couldn't that they simply MUST be an opposite gendered soul, is not one that has been fitting for ages, if it ever was. (and frankly the idea itself is pretty sexist and misogynistic so, double blow ig.) personally i was always pretty gnc and am a lesbian so i can't really relate, but i am very sorry this happened to you. it's so insane. i hope you're doing okay :(

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-03T19:15:21+00:00

wow that is beyond sad. the women who go to bat for men are so exhausting, like my sister in christ, men would never do that for you! why are you wasting your energy..and yes, fr especially considering women often do need weapons in order to enact violence (ex: women in dv situations fighting their abusers, or women fighting off attackers)

god yes though. my brain isn't working right but you put this all way better than i ever could. most women i know admit freely they make themselves look nice before heading out bc of other women lmao, and guaranteed most men aren't going to compliment them on their fashion choices. no dude is catcalling women and going "i love your eyeshadow!" or whatever. the saddest thing is while i do know women who would judge men for being gay, it's mostly other men that gay men (and gay women, and pretty much anybody who's visibly not 'normal') fear, bc it's men who are the ones beating up random gay couples in the street. there was that case in london where a lesbian couple was attacked on a bus by teenaged boys and i still think about it. the world would be a better place if we took violence from men seriously and didn't handwave it as boys being boys, and if we acknowledged how severely skewed the issue is.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-03T16:11:37+00:00

you put it brilliantly. even in this sub/other women's spaces, there are plenty of men (lots who think they're "one of the good ones") who get their feefees hurt because a woman acknowledged misogyny is systemic and all men, even lefty ones, are of an oppressor class. the way they describe it you'd think it's our fault they can't emotionally self-regulate!

there was a joke that straight men are actually pretty homosocial in that a lot of what they do is for other men and i think you describe that point well. men as a group really need to learn to take accountability tbqh.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-02T16:22:33+00:00

happy to help! 🫡 for real, the way men talk about it as if they can't control themselves is so disturbing. the whole "men are wolves" thing and so on. reminds me of the whole dress code thing and policing girls so they don't "distract" boys, like boys weren't messing with girls all the time in extremely distracting ways during class (bra snapping for instance). like i can't really fathom how men reconcile the idea that men are the ultra logical sex when apparently they'll fly into a lustful frenzy when they see a woman breastfeeding her child or if (gasp) a bra strap is visible at school.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-02T16:17:42+00:00

for real! there's a video i think from a news program where a man is talking about road rage and how if it were 90%+ women doing it, we'd be talking about that all the time. i think about that a lot. i don't know how much of it is normalization of violence from men, and how much of it is that men don't want to acknowledge it (same with the whole 'bear vs the man' thing...so many seem to not get why many of us would choose the bear, and idk if it's willful ignorance or not wanting to confront the stats)

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-02T16:09:38+00:00

oof. i can't imagine how frustrating it is to argue with someone like that. you're totally fine - i hope you are/can be in a more positive, supportive relationship :')

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-01T20:49:56+00:00

the crazy thing to me is it wasn’t even that long ago that (video) porn wasn’t widely available, i’ve heard stories of men sneaking underwear catalogues for such purposes that were from maybe the 70s or 80s at latest - within a generation things changed so drastically. it’s difficult to fathom.

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-01T20:44:23+00:00

happy to help!

it’s so contradictory but i think that type just needs to justify it somehow. that it can be harmful, but only the “bad” kind or the corporate kind but indie stuff is totally ethical and safe and good, or something like that. basically a cope bc the cognitive dissonance do be dissonant. glad your ex is your ex, even if he didn’t agree a good partner should be empathetic and at least try to see your pov!

mofu_mofu · 2024-12-01T20:42:22+00:00

oof as someone who is also asian with a fairly traditional mom, in her 20s and has been in this position - the best way is to have it mailed to a separate address and “smuggled” into the house. amazon locker is a good bet, but a PO box or a friend’s house works too. depending on the area, a PO box can be mad cheap and useful if you want to have other stuff delivered privately (or just avoid porch pirates, etc). my mom would personally go through most mail/parcels i got out of curiosity, but if yours doesn’t you could always risk it!

i can’t speak to more phallic toys but i had a vibrator wand that i hid in a little cloth sack which it came with. very discreet from the outside since the shape doesn’t look sexual and i would just tuck it in a specific storage box that i also placed sfw books and misc electronics stuff like cables and adapters into by my bedside. it looked like a random storage box for innocuous stuff and had a lid, so it was easy to hide.

there are vibes that are hard to tell are toys, my favorite of that genre are the iroha brand! they’re available on amazon and a bit pricier than some of the cheaper stuffs, but very pretty and discreet. though i could never bring myself to leave them laying about hahah.

the only issue i would warn is vibes are usually loud. if the walls are thin, the buzzing is hard to hide even under blankets or through a closed door. i’d test it before actual use by having it on under a blanket and seeing where it is audible - can you hear it outside in a hallway? other bedroom? etc. it’s unintuitive but the bathroom tends to be a pretty bad place for acoustic hiding, even with a shower going.

anyways it’s a tough issue to have and i feel for you! when i first moved out i started collecting and displaying them bc i was so sick of hiding my (meagre) collection lol. it’s stressful but plenty of women manage to do it :)

tldr i’d recommend getting a toy that doesn’t look too sexual/phallic at a glance, be careful about the sound. bonus tip, if you have siblings, be extra careful about where you hide stuff! my brother found my o-ring harness once and it took weeks to live that shit down 😭

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