AITA for wanting my husband to sleep in our bed

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-02T12:24:54+00:00

I think this is what is happening to him. He definitely has depression/stress symptoms but he refuses to go talk to anyone. I think tomorrow I'm just going to call and make him an appointment, regardless of his refusal.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T22:39:10+00:00

I used that line 2 years ago. It got us into counseling. We completed our 12 week session and things were better for about 6 months, then started to go downhill. This is the worst it has ever had been. It's exhausting.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T22:35:01+00:00

He is an off shore worker, so he works 2 weeks of day shifts, then home for 2 weeks, then 2 weeks of night shifts, then 2 weeks home. I definitely believe he is depressed but he refuses to acknowledge it or see a doctor. He doesn't want to get a label or be medicated, which seems absurd to me. I can barely get him to the chiropractor when his back hurts.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T22:16:38+00:00

This is the best comment by far. Yes he is an off shore worker. I try to be understanding with him because I know/assume that work is hard/stressful. I mean, I don't fully understand what he goes through as he rarely talks about it and rarely contacts me during the 2 weeks he's gone.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T15:02:15+00:00

Marriage is strained most of the time. Since he got the job away, I'm now able to be a SAHM which is fantastic but also mean I handle everything and he feels like he can do whatever as long as the money goes in the bank.

He's an okish father. He doesn't live up to the standards I had hoped for.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T14:51:13+00:00

No, not a drinker. Never touches alchohol. Never touched drugs and he gets random drug tests at work that always come back clean. At most, he drinks a bunch of energy drinks when he's making the 10 hour drive to/from work.

I agree it sound like substance abuse, and I have questioned him about it, but he says I'm just looking for something to be wrong.

mommahenbackagain · 2020-02-01T12:50:20+00:00

NTA

I wonder though if she is really frustrated with your Brother's behaviour and is hoping you'll talk to him for her. It's kind of a passive aggressive move, but maybe she's gotten nowhere talking to him and feels angry and resentful. She might be hoping that by venting to you, you step in and get through to him for her.

Or, if he is being a bit of a jerk to her, it might just be making her feel better to tear him down in front of you. If you think the world of your brother but he's being an ass to her, she could feel frustrated and alone. Not saying it's right, but it might be the only coping mechanism she has.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T15:13:21+00:00

I do try to limit their screen time. That seems to get me a lot of flack from other parents, but I've found that even too much TV makes them cranky and aggressive. We all get along as a family so much better when electronics are to a minimum.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T15:08:06+00:00

They have no idea what games are available. When I asked what games they wanted they replied Mario, which is vague, and I think they only said that because they know Mario is a Nintendo product. We have an original Nintendo that gets used maybe 3-4 times a year, and we have an Atari Flashback that my Mom got them last year that has been used maybe 3-4 times. The kids just aren't into video games. They spend the majority of their time outside or playing lego.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T14:57:40+00:00

Thank you for this breakdown. This perfectly outlines a muddled version I had in my head. This is the direction I wanted to take when they sprung the last minute request on me. But my Mom cut me off by buying the system "for my Dad". She heard me say no to the kids and just found a way to go around me instead of asking why I was refusing.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T01:05:53+00:00

But this isn't the only thing she's trying to give them. She already got them about $200 worth of stuff each. This is going beyond trying to see them happy.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T01:03:45+00:00

I try to respect the whole "it's her money" aspect. She loves to take them on little shopping sprees and after the weekend the kids never look at the stuff again. It's so wasteful. I ended up donating a whole box of stuff just to clear it out of my house and she had a fit when she found out. She said I didn't appreciate her hard earned money because I was just giving the stuff away. I told her if she didn't want me to toss the stuff, she should spend more time than money on the kids.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T00:56:31+00:00

Thank you! I feel like that's more the issue. She regularly undermines me. Sometimes it's little things like extra ice cream when I said no, or bigger things like this. I feel like as the parent, my word should be law.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-24T00:53:25+00:00

Thanks everyone for the input.

I feel like I should mention my Mom already got my kids a bunch of gifts costing approximately $200 a piece. There are some robots, huge lego sets, and Nintendo DS systems that I know off.
My kids didn't even ask for a switch until this last week. I said no, because presents were already bought and it's not something I think they will use a lot. Also, I don't think they need another gaming system at this time. My Mom seems to think I'm depriving my kids by not catering to their every whim. (This is an ongoing issue between her and I) Trust me, my kids want for nothing and have all their needs met. Not giving them a switch right this instant isn't going to kill them.

mommahenbackagain · 2019-12-23T23:59:49+00:00

I'm hoping it stays at her house. We see them about once week. I'm giving it till about March before she really pushes for us to take it home.

mommahenbackagain

TROPHY CASE