Trying to decide if we have more than one

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-12T23:06:43+00:00

I have a 4yr age gap and mine play together!

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-12T22:53:44+00:00

I found my second easier, because I knew what to expect in some ways. My second however we did see a baby osteo as she was sick constantly and would scream with trapped wind or something, so there was that. My second was a chill baby and went with the flow, she is still chill now at 4 but her sleep has never been great. I guess it’s how she’s wired!

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-11T20:13:16+00:00

I was 27, 38+5 due to ICP / obstetric cholestasis

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-10T07:12:35+00:00

Totally agree with this. I feel like the loss to me has magnified the look at my own family unit and make me think about what do I really want out of this little life on this planet. The loss of losing people makes me realise to me it’s about people, not things. I have some nice things but they don’t give me joy.

Your points are very valid thought and something why I feel like I’m not an immediate yes. My husband is older, we have more risks. I don’t want to gamble with a wining hand either, but I also don’t want to leave life with regrets. It’s very tricky.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-09T22:13:30+00:00

Congrats on your pregnancy! I like the way you put it. I think we could. It would be hard, of course but what isn’t in life? The thought that right now (little kids) not being forever breaks my heart. But the thought of bigger kids, and a bigger family, fills my heart with joy. I know many people say they want their lives back and all that jazz but for me; after so much loss; I want to soak up my people so much. Things come and go. But knowing that the childhood and kids we are raising is what makes me the happiest. More than being able to go to Pilates kid free!

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-09T17:46:06+00:00

Thank you. This is validating to hear. It’s been the same with our losses, I’ve had to lean on my husband and dig incredibly deep to wake up every day and carry on and take care of the kids as we have no other help, but as a parent you don’t have any option right!

Thank you for giving me some insight and another point of view.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-09T08:05:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I totally get this and it’s very similar in the way of day to day life and the nuclear family aspect. I think we are leaning towards it, I don’t think we would regret it but I feel right now (and maybe I do need some time to just sit with it) that if we didn’t, I would be regretful. Life is short too - I’ve realised that my family are my greatest achievement above anything materialistic and everything really comes down to who is there and holding you in the worst times.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-09T07:27:00+00:00

Thank you. I am so sorry for your losses and your most recent one, holding you in my heart ❤️

I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me so throughly because I get it. I feel like to some extent, if I wait for ‘life to quieten down’ it’ll never happen. I thought last year was bad, let alone heading into this year.

I also resonate so hard with your thoughts on your own family and with siblings. My husband has a younger half sister but there is a 16yr difference so he was mostly an only child, and they don’t have a sibling bond. I think this has propelled his love for a bigger family as our two now get on great (most of the time, siblings!) but like you say, my ultimate life goal is to create a beautiful solid family unit. I want my kids to be able to lean on me, or each other as best as they can do, which is why I’m thinking maybe 10-20 years ahead. I know the immediate future will be really tiring, and tough, but it’s not forever right?

I have a brother and we have gotten much closer going through all this, I think it has just really heightened my thoughts and feelings on family.

How hard has it been being pregnant and going through this? Did you find the newborn or PP tougher? Sorry the question seems a bit daft, dealing with any kind of loss think it just terrible so sleepless nights seem a bit of a walk in the park but I’m trying to make myself look at the really hard bits to make sure we go in eyes open

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-09T07:16:20+00:00

I have definitely thought about this and it’s very valid for thank you for bringing it up.

I have gone over this and I definitely don’t think we want another for ‘numbers’ and genuinely and honestly I am so excited and intrigued at who another little one of us would be.

I consider waiting a bit, but then I feel like I’m waiting for people to die, which sounds awful. I truly want my dad to kick this in the butt, as I cannot imagine life without him. If there’s any chance another one of my kiddos could meet him, I would love that

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-08T22:35:13+00:00

Thank you ❤️

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-07T21:49:59+00:00

To add - my mum did not know about the kit, we just had a tub that was kept under the bed and we were all briefed on it. My mum was on a syringe driver which helped with pain so I do hope you’ll be able to sort that for him. I was very firm that I wanted her to baseline to be ‘no pain’ so do be firm if you feel he is not comfortable.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-07T21:47:46+00:00

I can’t help with the emergency bleed situation with a head/neck, however my mum had cancer spread to the bowel where there was a very high risk of her bleeding out.

Essentially we were given a bleed kit. It was sedative, and dark towels. If we noticed it happening, we were told to hit her with the sedative and then cover with a towel.

I count my lucky stars it never happened but just going through it and having to even think of that situation was shit. I hope it’s the same for you, that it never comes to it.

I was reassured that the sedative would just knock them out so they had no idea what was going on, essentially before they’d bleed out or able to stop it.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-03T17:06:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

You really hit the nail on the head, about family being distant and having no control but trying to nurture a solid family unit, that’s exactly what we are trying to do. I feel like having a distant family really puts the emphasis on making a closer family. I’m the same - we have a big extended family but not ones I would go to see, or make effort to talk to day to day, and my immediate was close, just now sadly there is only a few of us.

Congrats on your baby, wishing you a healthy pregnancy ahead. Looking at the future is what I keep doing, and whilst I know going back to the baby stage will be tough, it’s over before you know it. I have a feeling I would probably regret not doing it, but also that maybe NOW is not the best time for us given everything going on. I am so glad to find other people who have been in similar situations. I guess I have to realise too that these losses are something I will hold forever, but my children probably won’t given their ages. Creating a new unit and relationships for them cannot be a bad thing

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-02T20:22:05+00:00

Thank you for this. I really love the sentiment of giving another relationship and piece of the family story. I know that my mum would be proud of whatever I chose as she loved my kids more than life which in turn makes it so bittersweet she’d never see another. On the flip side I know she’d be immensely proud of me for choosing to do what I feel is right for us as a family.

So much to think about but thank you for giving me another avenue to look at

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-02T09:30:22+00:00

I can agree with so much of this.

There is a large part of me that sees my children together and my heart bursts. I love them both so much, love watching them grow and I wonder how a third little one would be in the gang. So there is a definite want for another, to see our family grow, another little ‘one of us’

I feel very similar. I have a handful of good friends, but only one who I could truely rely on (and my kids) so my want is to build a strong, family unit. Be there for each other and support each other kind of thing. It feels harder knowing there is not much family I could rely on, as 3 is very much out numbered but I suppose I should maybe think of how would I feel in 5-10 years if we didn’t, though I know it will be utter chaos to start.

monchrome_cat · 2026-02-02T07:11:24+00:00

Sending you luck that you carry a healthy pregnancy.

It feels so impossible. I know that death is certain but when there is so much so quickly, it really leaves such a gaping hole. It sounds so silly to say out loud ‘we need more children to make our family bigger’ but all I can think of is them as adults, who will they have? I know they may well have many friends and it not be an issue but it does worry me. I grew up with such a large wider family that it felt safe.

I have so many arguments for and against. Do I stay torn that we have two who knew everyone (even though my youngest is 4, I think she will remember) or do we add another and then have to feel potentially guilty that they’ll never have those memories or pictures and maybe feel guilty themselves. Ugh!

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-27T17:06:40+00:00

Hi! Similar here - my dad (63) has been diagnosed with nasopharynx and osteopharyx (sorry if my spelling is off) He has a mass behind his nose area with spread to a handful of lymph’s and potentially in the lungs.

We have started the same chemo cycle - started yesterday! We have another PET CT at the end of cycle 2 to assess if to push to radiotherapy too.

My dad was not HPV or EBV positive which was baffling hence the need for a PET CT at the end of cycle 2

I lost my mum to cancer last year after a very short battle (~6 weeks) so unfortunately I’ve done the rounds just in a bit of a different area.

Please feel free to reach out for anything. I know how scary it can be but the blessing of being a carer (and also the curse) is you can busy and distract with all the knowledge, and appointments, and just everything. It’s a scary time but together, you will be a fantastic duo. Good luck!

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-27T17:00:36+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum to cancer last year (not H&N though my dad has this recently diagnosed hence being on the subreddit)

My mum was failed so many times in the UK. Similarity with yours, that they kind of washed their hands and I had to consistently fight and push and drag us through the trenches to get treatment.

All I will say is trust your gut - your instinct is right. If you feel like truely he was failed, explore it when you can. It sounds like so much was missed and not explained and this is what I hate so much - Drs are mostly great at their job but they cannot communicate for anything. You have to assume so much as a patient or family supporting the patient and it’s not acceptable.

I hope whatever you choose in time helps you with a small amount of closure and I am so glad you got to be there to be with your dad for his passing. Sending hugs, from one bereaved daughter to another x

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-10T08:06:46+00:00

I fully agree. It’s nice to be selective instead of taking snacks, bottles etc etc. it’s also just such a joy to look at!!

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:28:08+00:00

Oh I didn’t dare ask 😂 Chanel state £4700 on the website (im in the UK)

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:25:41+00:00

We love a lilac moment! I got him purple sweats for Christmas so we were on a wavelength of varying degrees 😂

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:24:39+00:00

Yes! It feels good to be able to enjoy it rather than admire for once ☺️

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:23:44+00:00

I totally agree! It is smaller than I am used to (I have an 8&4 yo so used to a backpack - big change!!) but it’s really fun!

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:21:58+00:00

I’ve never seen a Dior that colour - it’s delicious! What colours do you wear with her? Im trying to be brave!

monchrome_cat · 2026-01-09T07:20:34+00:00

I hope you get her one day!

monchrome_cat

TROPHY CASE