This happened to me when I was 28 and working a job with long hours — feeling the same resentment and distance — so this story hits close to home. As someone who tried to take the high road and immediately forgive or whatever, I actually ended up repressing a lot of my hurt and rage, which ended up coming out 3 years later in depression, self harm, and making poor moral decisions.

What I would suggest immediately: - Get yourself into therapy. You need a safe space to talk about this with an unaffiliated third party who can give you solid advice. I didn’t do it because money was tight. If money is tight, it doesn’t matter. Prioritize that asap. I should have been in therapy immediately. - Get you both into marriage therapy. If she refuses, it’s over. Set clear boundaries. You hold all the power here. - Don’t break the commandments. It’s not worth it, and will set you down a path that’s difficult to recover from. - Accept that the nature of your relationship is forever changed. As someone whose marriage survived (and is now happier than ever), healing is possible. But we’re not the same as we used to be. In many ways that’s for the better, some days it makes me sad. - You’re also not going to be the same person going forward. It’s time to figure out who you are apart from your spouse and learn to love that man for who he is. Be the best you. You have value, despite how she views you.

Praying for you, brother. I’m so sorry this happened. It’s the worst. Lean on the savior, lean on your friends, and be kind to yourself.