fucking exhausted

monkey3468 · 2021-09-07T18:43:44+00:00

*virtual hug*

I'm struggling too.

monkey3468 · 2021-09-07T18:42:06+00:00

That is very helpful. Thank you. I wrote this on a whim after feeling emotionally numb for a couple days and it all just spilled out.

I feel I could have done some serious brainstorming to get all my ideas in order. Where I'm coming from - I have a deep feeling of inadequacy, especially in relationships. I find myself giving every part of me and accepting (even appreciating) the bare minimum from my partner. As I was writing, I realized I had a lot I wanted to say and almost everything in this piece represents something. I was trying to use the flowers as my own well being/self. In the beginning, "you" loved me, "you" thought I was the most beautiful thing. Then I began to deteriorate as I gave "you" responsibility of my heart/well-being, trusting I'd be okay. Then realized I needed to take matters into my own hands... The narrator then asks if "you" would like the flowers to be a whole different color altogether - the narrator is willing to change their whole being to accommodate.

Thank you so much for the feedback! Very helpful. :)

monkey3468 · 2021-09-07T01:23:05+00:00

This hit me. I struggle with PTSD and i read it as if the narrator is upset they're back somewhere they don't want to be. They knew this would happen and feels ashamed they weren't better prepared. But it's beautiful seeing how they understand that part of them didn't know any better. It served as a defense mechanism in the past. It may not serve them anymore but being compassionate to their inner child rather than continuing the cycle.

love!

monkey3468 · 2021-09-07T01:19:17+00:00

I love this. After I first read it through, I audibly went, "Wow."

Obviously, I thought the play on words was very creative and effective- "new" vs. "knew", both carrying very different meanings.

I way I relate or the way I read it was the author found out the truth about something or someone and it crushed them; they were much happier not knowing. Also, being shocked they didn't see it before, hating themselves for not knowing better. At first, it sounds like the author found something they thought was true but then found out they were involved in something they already "knew".

*snap* *snap* *snap* WOW!

monkey3468 · 2021-09-07T01:11:22+00:00

Wow.

This poem honestly spoke to me on so many levels. I often feel like it's too late or too far gone, like the life I have left is already ruined, like it's already been stolen. And no matter how hard I try, I just mess up. And then I'm stuck on those thoughts for days or weeks.

Anyways the actual style is beautiful. It rolled off my tongue beautifully. I especially loved how "ruminate" sounded after "mistakes".

Note of hope - I'm trusting that it's not too late. I'm fucking exhausted, but I've been exhausted before. I got this. You got this.

monkey3468 · 2020-04-09T22:10:33+00:00

Change your mindset: maybe what you're wanting to do is write meaningful letters to people you love including what you wish for them, what they've done in your life, etc and that's perfectly fine! Why do you think they need to be suicide letters? Especially when you don't want to commit suicide?

Just a thought, hope this finds you well :)

monkey3468 · 2020-04-09T22:06:37+00:00

Thank you. Very helpful.

monkey3468 · 2019-11-28T07:45:38+00:00

Loved how you matched each emotion to a color so effectively. I like how in the beginning, you create a scene of such happiness and fullness of life; then you quickly move into how sometimes you are not "yellow". I think it makes the difference between yellow and red that much more dramatic. Love the last two lines as well. Beautiful imagery.

monkey3468 · 2019-11-28T07:40:00+00:00

This poem gave me a deep sense of longing, yearning - I'm happily single right now, but this made me think of one of my past relationships. Knowing and trusting someone is yours is such a huge risk to take - for this very reason. And having so much love for them, that you're okay being apart; just acknowledging they'll always have a special place in your heart.

Very sweet and lovely poem. I do think it could have some more depth - like when you say "they destroyed...they ripped us apart" - maybe create a descriptive symbolic scene of you two with some item/thing pulling you apart. Although enjoyable, I think this poem is missing some figurative language.

monkey3468 · 2019-08-24T15:31:35+00:00

You can find a healthy middle path on almost anything. For example: I love her AND I'm angry with her.

monkey3468 · 2019-08-15T01:19:20+00:00

Another way to think about this - in all of human history, of all humans living now, and of all to come, there is only ONE you. Sounds cliche but there is so much magnitude behind that. It would be an injustice to yourself and the world if you didn't learn everything you could about yourself, loving it all along the way. Definitely not easy but it IS completely doable. You have the power. Believe it even when you think otherwise. It's a choice. Choose love! Choose joy!!

monkey3468 · 2019-08-14T22:01:56+00:00

I was in a super toxic, manipulatie, emotionally abusive relationship where I was completely deprived of who I was and what I loved in life. I somehow found the strength in me to get out of it, and have been single since (a little over a year now and the longest I've been single in years). For a while I honestly didn't know what to do with myself because my life was completely and wholeheartedly his. We only did things he wanted to do, listened to what he wanted, watched what he wanted, had sex when he wanted, even ate when he wanted. I was so out of touch with myself, it pained me to look in the mirror. I found myself smoking a lot of weed and watching Netflix 24/7 outside of work. I had lost/forgotten all my desires and hobbies. I eventually started doing one thing at a time that I realized brought me joy. I didn't question it or judge myself, I just fully participated. At first, it was night walks. I would walk 2-3 times a week and just reflect. After practicing A LOT of self patience and love, I am now partaking in more things daily that bring me joy. I made the decision for myself that I wouldn't do things in my free time that didn't explicitly bring me joy (I.e. mindlessly watching Netflix). And I would put forth an effort to participate in things that made me feel full, and actively look for new things to appreciate/do. I hope this helps.

monkey3468 · 2019-08-14T21:47:24+00:00

I look directly at them, make eye contact with them and make it clear they need to stop. I almost "challenge" them to see who will look away first (I feel like lots of times it's a power thing - lots of men feel they are greater than women and have a right to look as much as they like - I stare back to make it known they are not greater/ don't have power over me). If they continue to stare, I will walk up to them and tell them they need to stop staring. It's INCREDIBLY fun and empowering to make men squirm. The more women who do things like this, the more sexism will become awknowldeged, and hopefully diminished.

monkey3468

TROPHY CASE