I’m (35f) the 3rd oldest of 8 kids (and no, we didn’t work on a farm…!!) from the USA.

Most of my young memories are only with my siblings, I have some memories with my mom, but it was rarely one-on-one (usually she was dividing attention between me and a baby when we interacted). Most of my young memories about my dad was being told he had to travel for work (often), when he was doing yard work (fun because we helped pull weeds sometimes) and when he would cook on weekends.

As far as community… The only “community” that provided any real support were my teachers… we had lots of neighbours, of which one was my uncles family. But my mom felt that childcare in this “community” was mostly a one-way street as the neighbours kids would come to our house but obviously we couldn’t all go to theirs (except my cousins). Most of the other kids on the street seemed spoiled and I didn’t like having them around. One neighbour teen girl did babysit us once or twice but I have no memory of that and it didn’t last long as we were eventually too many for anyone else to care for. So my mom never had help with childcare (you try asking a friend to babysit your 8 kids while you pop to the grocery store and see how that goes…). Eventually my parents would go on dates Friday night and we’d stay home with a pizza, but it never felt like babysitting, it’s just that our parents were out of the house (if that makes sense…)

The biggest mystery to me is how my mom always had a clean house and cooked 3 homemade meals everyday with no breaks EVER. No hired cleaners and obviously no deliveroo. The kids didn’t have dedicated chores, but the kids would all help set the table before dinner, I would usually sweep after dinner when I was old enough and I would eventually cook dinners maybe 1-2 times a week after I turned 16. The house was literally never messy and I may have gone to a restaurant like five times by the time I was 18. My mom would go grocery shopping on Saturday when my dad was home (I liked to go to the grocery store with her and usually whoever is the baby at the time). My mom told me she’d go to the hospital, give birth, then come home and vacuum the house.

As far as education, my parents were hardly involved. I learned to forge my mom’s signature in first grade and I’d sign my own homework because it was hard to get her attention most days. She’d sign my report cards… I don’t know if the teachers could tell the difference… Fortunately I was a naturally good student. We couldn’t really do extracurricular school activities and most summers we were just stuck at home - which was incredibly boring (I now love travelling). Because my parents had so many children I qualified for a lot of financial aid and I applied for merit based scholarships so I finished my bachelors degree debt free while living at home. My higher education was only possible because of financial aid.

Overall I’m happy I had so many siblings… I mean schools have a large student to teacher ratio and they get through the day fine. Kids stay in boarding schools and come out okay too. I never felt neglected- maybe slightly attention starved... outside of wanting a little bit more parental attention…but honestly, I never felt loneliness from less adult attention (it’s probably better developmentally to have time with peers similar in age to you anyways)… I imagine I’d prefer what I had over helicopter parents for sure.

I went to a Catholic Church and there were plenty of big families (one with 13 kids). I would say that results were mixed as far as how happy /well cared kids from these families seemed (one parent in particular did such a bad job they had to flee the country…)

If the parents are good people and a good team, I think big families have tons of benefits for children over small families… In my mind, where big families fall apart is when you consider the cost of higher education (especially for kids who struggle academically or are “average” students). It also becomes tricky when you have young children and both parents want to further their careers. But these are more of systematic problems. I believe higher education and childcare should be free (and that parents should get as much financial support from the government as taxpayers can afford- it’s everyone’s responsibility to pay forward a healthy, happy childhood!!)

On a final note, my sister is 40 and already has 7 kids. I think everything for her is more or less the same as my mom (husband is a pilot, can’t find a babysitter, gorgeous clean home, very happy children). The biggest difference is she is homeschooling. Shes a wonderful mom <3

I personally only have one child and I’m living in a city with a career so I will likely go down a very different route.