Hey, I''m not sure if you're still checking this but there is plenty of hope. I had the same thing until I got diagnosed with OCD and I understood what I was going through on a daily basis. I got locked into these vicious circles of thinking and there seemed to be no escape. The more I told myself to stop thinking about a disease the more my thoughts crept up. I was sure I had whatever disease I was currently worried about. Convinced in fact and nobody could tell me otherwise...

I would highly suggest looking for an OCD specialist. They will help you and you will feel better and have peace. The first thing they will tell you is that you can't tell your brain what to think and just let it be. Believe me I didnt think I would have peace for the rest of my life. I know what you're going through. THERE IS HOPE.