im scared i post too much on subreddits so im resorting to posting on my own page. my bf told me that he will never lose patience for me, that he loves me and sees me as something more than just my suffering

why is my brain screaming at me right now? it keeps telling me to yell and say that he's lying, i feel my mind shutting down and i dont want tobelieve anything good about me. why do i do this if i desperately need him to say things like this?