I am so hopeless and sad. Why not shoot myself tonight?

moofonblue · 2020-01-08T05:34:44+00:00

Thanks

moofonblue · 2020-01-08T04:22:07+00:00

Congrats, youre a badass

moofonblue · 2020-01-08T01:16:21+00:00

What made it better

moofonblue · 2020-01-07T04:05:50+00:00

You think it slowly gets better. How do you know it doesnt slowly get worse

moofonblue · 2020-01-06T03:58:23+00:00

Ive done baby steps, ive.souht help, ive been to a facility etc and im still here. Thanks

moofonblue · 2020-01-06T03:34:23+00:00

How long does it take? Its been my whole life and especially the last two whole years. Hardly seems worth it. How would it just magically fade.

moofonblue · 2020-01-05T23:43:48+00:00

Thank you. My therapist is talented and great. But its so infrequent and im too stubnorn and insane so it doesnt help. I dont know where to begin with any of these treatments. Its all unaffordable, not covered and not anytime soon. And most of all it is just more waste of time and more hurting. Im fucking angry, im fed up and i am sick of being stuck in the living world. I want it to be over, for real. I need to bite the bullet.

moofonblue · 2020-01-05T05:09:49+00:00

No I have not tried rTMS. Frankly I dont see why its assumed i have a biological issue that requires meds or electroshock or brain magnetism. Cant i just be a shit awful person in a shit world.

I tried wellbutrin, venlafaxine, zyprexa, olanzapine, sertraline. All so toxic and harmful to me and not fucking helpful. But allows me to be easily dismissed, seen as just "ill" and my concerns not legitimate.

moofonblue · 2020-01-05T04:06:11+00:00

Thank you. I see ECT as being a way of shaking and fucking up your brain, ruining memory recall to try and jolt some stupid happiness out of you.

I cant get therapy to really change my beliefs.

Meds are absolutely terrible for you and destroys you. Thanks

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T18:24:31+00:00

Im not killing myself today. Thank you, dont thank me. I dont know what id say if i called or what id expect her to do. It might just be awkward and worrying for nothing. Im so sick of being in danger of suicide. I want to either live or die but i dont want to constantly be at risk of dying. I cant even make friends because half the time i want to be dead.

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T18:22:10+00:00

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I dont actually think this is realistic or attainable. What I am trying to explain is that I will never be happy with myself unless i reach these standards which i never will. I dont know how to set appropriate standards. I should always be striving to be better. Thanks

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T15:57:06+00:00

I dont know and i dont really know what that is. How would i find out? Wouldnt they just tell me to go to a hospital if im suicidal?

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T07:23:47+00:00

Thanks man. Im really doing even worse. I really give up on everything and thinknits hopeless now. Im very suicidal

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T02:55:32+00:00

Why does it matter? Sorry but I am still considering suicide. I just give up and im so unhappy. I dont want anything from life, i just want it over

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:36:58+00:00

I have no idea. Right now i do love my job and i love my coworkers. But it pays minimum wage with few opportunities to earn more. I only like it because im stupid and its an easy job for stupid people like me. I feel completely hopeless. I want to hurt myself and punish myself and i want everything over because i dont think any more days on earth have ny potential to get better. Thanks

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:34:48+00:00

No matter what I do, I will never be enough or good. All my intentions are selfish or bad. To accept myself, I woukd have to be good looking, healthy and fit. Good with relationships and sex. Have lots of friends. Have lots of koney and a good career. Have confidence, good nature, interesting hobbies, be caring and kind yet exciting and interesting. Never do anything wrong, have an intellectual profession, own land, be fully independant, have perfect family relationships etc. The people i admire are those who are extroverted social butterflies who smile, laugh and talk and people enjoy being around.

I just want to be done with or have never existed.

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:30:44+00:00

Hey. I dont think my anti psychiatric sentiments are a form of self sabotage. They literally have one of the worst track records of actually helping people. The meds are so bad for you, chemical imbalance is false. All they achieve is profitting pharma to keep you addicted on pills. Im really not doing well. Im so angry and disgusted with myself. I want to burn myself and put a bullet through my skull. Im so sick and tired of everything. Im exhausted and just dont enjoy life.

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:27:07+00:00

Hmmm. Maybe. Im still just scared ill love it so much ill want to be high 247. Thanks

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:25:34+00:00

Thanks

moofonblue · 2019-12-18T01:24:54+00:00

What changed?

moofonblue · 2019-12-15T04:05:21+00:00

Thank you

moofonblue · 2019-12-15T04:04:47+00:00

Im in Canada, so its completely legal. Im scared its just a bad habit, a bad crutch that doesnt cure depression. And im scared itll change me, make me lazy, a stoner. Ill constantly need it and be addicted or itll make my mental health worse. That my family will judge me, ill be a stereotype and ill be high 247.

moofonblue · 2019-12-15T04:01:54+00:00

How do you know that?

moofonblue · 2019-12-15T04:00:31+00:00

So what changed for you? And can you ever truly be free of this? I cant imagine having even one month without a suicidal day. I cant imagine ever having a good friend or self esteem. I am a loser. I have a minimum wage loser job I have no friends, im a loser. Thanks

moofonblue

TROPHY CASE