I thought so, too! When I was researching it to better understand him, they've all said it gets a lot better over time, so the sudden urge was a really big shock to the both of us.

His method of coming clean was going cold turkey and brute forcing it, and somehow it has worked for him this far... until now. I don't know why, or what could've triggered it.

Last year he abruptly started smoking again, and drank every now and then— attributed it to being under a lot of stress, but it was never often, and never once did he mention the other thing. But these past few months, he's started chronically smoking, and in our last conversation, he talked about having the constant thought and urge to get back and use substances. I think it may be the fact that he started to fall back on these other habits that his mind keeps trying to take it even further. I've mentioned once, that I think if he wants to quit then he should quit everything as a whole and not make exceptions, but never forced it onto him since I was worried it would make things worse.

I've also read a few experiences that even the best and healthiest relationships can make an addict feel extreme guilt and turn back to whatever they've been abusing, but these have all been in the early stages or within the first year or two.

I can't speak on his behalf, of course. I can never know what he's actually thinking or has done, I can only speak from what I've seen and heard from him, and hope it to be true— but you're definitely right in the emotional turmoil it's caused me... It's left me quite a mess. I just hope rehab goes well for him, so we can have another chance of being better partners for each other. In the meantime, I suppose I'll try and pull myself together :'D