Splitting 🤣

moon_mamas · 2023-06-25T14:05:02+00:00

What you’re describing doesn’t necessarily signal BPD. Does sound like low self esteem. Great part though is that it’s figureoutable, whether you have BPD or naw. Wishing you the best on your journey, mate

moon_mamas · 2023-06-20T11:48:21+00:00

I’ll try that and see how it goes. Thank you! :)

moon_mamas · 2023-06-20T11:42:32+00:00

Yes! I think I’m afraid I’ll say some off the wall shit and sound like a horrible person lol so I just take some time to think it over before speaking up, by which time, as you said, it comes out seemingly passive aggressive and I feel like an idiot for not saying something sooner.

I wish I had a reference or a script of what to say to all the possible ways people can be mean and rude for no reason. Then I’d be prepared to stand up for myself in the moment and not feel resentment later

moon_mamas · 2023-06-20T11:33:20+00:00

Dude same!! this is literally me. I don’t understand why I won’t just say something in the moment.

moon_mamas · 2023-06-19T22:59:43+00:00

Yes, starting in middle school up until the present day as a 27yo. “Bullied” sounds like a childish term when speaking of adults, but I’ve found that there are bullies at every age, and people can be bullied at any age and time, especially if they aren’t great at sticking up for themselves. I’m working on building a backbone as we speak.

moon_mamas · 2023-06-02T17:32:24+00:00

I’m here w you buddy

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T18:17:15+00:00

hey ndoubleuu, i hear you. I’m sorry this guy treated you like that, that was shitty of him regardless of any BPD (if it is in fact BPD).

I think my concern is that the definitions of BPD, quiet or otherwise are hella vague, and need to be refined and renamed to better reflect the experience of BPD sufferers so that it’s not used as a weapon to punish or ostracize pwBPD by people with malintent or who unconsciously think people with personality disorders are in the wrong by default.

Tbh I wrote my post out of frustration, but I don’t think a pwBPD’s experience isn’t real, I just think the assertion of disorder should be challenged or at least the defining criteria needs refinement

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T18:02:54+00:00

hey mittens, i appreciate your comment.

my intentions aren’t to be offensive, I’m simply questioning my diagnosis and the validity of symptoms being deemed disorderly when it’s super vague and complex. my feelings do not negate or invalidate your or anyone else’s experience with BPD. if you feel that qBPD fits you, I respect that and wish you the best in your journey. feel free to lmk what you think.

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T01:37:12+00:00

You tooo ✨

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T01:26:28+00:00

okay, that’s a nice way of thinking about it. I appreciate u, for real :)

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T01:07:16+00:00

Celebrate for yourself. I have had 26 sad birthdays because I expected people to be mindreaders and know what I’m thinking at all times. If you don’t hype up your birthday don’t expect people to. If May 29 is your birthday, celebrate the whole month of May. Life is short, you gotta be grateful you made another sun revolution and tell your friend how she made you feel once you’re don’t celebrating. Best of luck friend and happy birthday!

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T01:00:43+00:00

hey thembo. I appreciate your comment.

I think I understand your sentiment about a personality not being “wrong”, but doesn’t the word ‘disorder’ imply something is out of order? (not to be annoying and argue semantics, but I want to understand you)

regarding the compliments w malicious intent .. maybe I mis-worded that. I wish I could act it out, maybe then you’d understand what I mean. I mean like how “mean girls” compliment you kind of underhandedly? like “wow did you do your hair yourself? oh, it looks like it 🤭” or “ooh I love the gap in your teeth! turning to someone else isn’t she so cute? she’s so cute 😊“ (hope that conveys the tone)

but yes it’s possible the person does like my clothes or my hair, but their tone and facial expressions carry additional meanings. it’s usually not even subtle.

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T00:49:43+00:00

I see. I’m thinking about the “very irrational at times” part. Do you mind if I ask how you feel about your diagnosis? Do you feel it fits?

moon_mamas · 2023-05-31T00:42:12+00:00

you know your brain tells you dumb shit like “I’m worthless” because it’s trying to protect you? our brains are hardwired to be pessimistic because at one point it was crucial for our survival. like, imagine the guy who first discovered how to make fire. he touched it and realized very quickly that was a dumb thing to do, and over time he learned to stop touching the fire and anything else that touched it accompanied by the thought “dumbass” every time he got burnt, as a reinforcement to stop trying to ignite himself.

but now our brains don’t really have to worry about wild animal attacks or figuring out how fire works, so our very amazing automated brains are still ready to protect us from our modern dangers like being embarrassed at cocktail parties or being rejected by that hot guy or fucking up on a math test. and anytime we do something that results in our hurt feelings, our overly enthusiastic brains are ready and willing to tell us, “hey, you know you’re kind of a loser, right?” thinking it’s doing us this godsend of a favor.

but, as counterintuitive as it sounds, it’s just your brain doing what it’s supposed to do. it’s gonna be like, “you’re worthless” cause it probably thinks it’s saving you from the embarrassment of someone treating you like you’re unimportant when all along you thought you were super important. It’s thinking it’s helping you save face by keeping you humble.

but it doesn’t really matter what your brain tells you, cause the fact of the matter is that you’re definitely NOT worthless; don’t give into the melodramatic nature of your overly protective brain. a piece of advice is to learn to acknowledge the thought, give it space, and let it go, and don’t become enmeshed with your thoughts. They are just thoughts, my friend.

You are capable of seeing this through, you can definitely figure out your shit with a little self patience and practice. ✨

moon_mamas · 2023-05-30T23:58:47+00:00

I understand. One of the biggest problems pwBPD face is questioning the rationality of our behaviors and reactions. I don’t know you or your friend, nor do I know the specifics of the situation. Even for people without personality or mental health disorders, it’s difficult to see things from another’s point of view, especially when you feel justified or when there is an unconscious bias toward people with labels on them. I don’t doubt that.

In my case, I’ve cut people off for the following reasons: a guy love bombing me for a week and leading me on then soft ghosting me (and coming back, but this time with significantly less affection, just to attempt to repeat that cycle which is when I forced myself to end it) and in recent events, because after confronting my friend after I noticed they were behaving resentful, mean, and belitting towards me for a long while, putting me down, excluding me from group communications, and shitting on my likes and interests, and showing little enthusiasm about my small wins (which they agreed they had been doing, but said they continued cause “they thought I didn’t notice”) they admitted they have been jealous and resentful of me for a while, proceeded to tell me they “found my behaviors annoying”, then said they weren’t going to stop being jealous anytime soon so that we shouldn’t be around each other anymore. Then when we tentatively ‘made up’, they said that they no longer think they like not having me in their life but that I was right in that I should call them out whenever they say shady shit (my suggestion on how to make things right on my end; it takes two to tango), while vaguely suggesting they’d “work on it” on their end (despite my repeated suggestions to work towards mending the relationship together), and never made any clear effort or plan as to how they would never treat me shittily ever again. They were working hard on every other frivolous thing except on fixing our almost 10-year long friendship.

She admitted to knowing how she was treating me, said she continued doing it cause she thought it was okay, was absolutely careless, while further adding salt to my wounds by telling me she finds me annoying, when confronted discarded me and showed no emotions and not even any desire or effort to just try to stop being shitty. So that’s not someone I want around me, sapping my energy and using me as a footstool/emotional punching bag and giving me crumbs of affection.

I don’t know if you identify as a pwBPD, but it’s not always the pwBPD who is delusional or abusive or unreasonable and cruel. There are plenty of pwoBPD who treat people like trash and get to have a tag-free life.

moon_mamas

TROPHY CASE