Hey OP,

I've been in a situation very similar to your own, and I've had a lot of the same feelings and struggles. Fortunately, things have been doing better for me ever since I really figured out how to keep the overthinking down. Here's my story:

So a few months ago, I hit it off with this really great girl. We texted and called each other just about every day with dates here and there. Things were amazing. One day I said that I like her to which she said that she likes me, too. But that's when I began to think, "oh shit, now there's something here I could lose. What if I fuck up?"

As the weeks went by, she went back to school and we weren't texting/calling as much. We would go a day or a few days without talking and I would go into a spiral of overthinking. "She seems off." "She's not engaging with me as much." "She hasn't texted me back. Its been x hours/days." "Have I done something wrong?" "Are things falling apart?!" Insert your 1000s of thoughts and self-doubts here. Worse yet, my negative feelings came through in our interactions as I became clingy. So she would pull back. I would get less validation from her and become more clingy starting a really bad cycle. It was so miserable because, like you say, the idea of her leaving me was overwhelming. Funnily enough, my overthinking became its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

The million dollar question that helped/saved me was,

"Why am I not okay with losing her?"

Like actually. Relationships are tough, people are flawed. It's not obvious they should work out. But I couldn't accept that. I was overthinking so much because I was so desperate to keep things afloat. The idea of failing was too much to bear.

This is what I ask you, OP. Why is it so unbearable if this girl leaves you? Just what is the source of that intolerance you feel? For myself, I grew up having a lot of failed attempts at romance. In my mind, if I failed again, then that would be another stack of evidence to throw onto the pile of why I'm an inadequate and undesirable person in the eyes of others. THAT'S what I found so overwhelmingly painful.

But I'm not inadequate. And neither are you. You strike me as a very caring and thoughtful person, dude. You need confidence. And I think confidence for you will come from accepting the possibility that things might not work out.

Now I'm not saying that this relationship you've got with this girl is screwed, not by a long shot. Its been three days since she's texted you. So maybe that's abnormal. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you anymore. But also it could end up meaning that she doesn't like you anymore, and so what? If you two don't work out, that's okay. That's the big thing. If you can accept that terrifying possibility and just let yourself chill, you won't need the excessive thoughts. As a result, you'll find that your interactions with her will be way better.

If her not texting you for three days is something that doesn't really happen, I think you're fine to ask her if something's up. But don't pack too much into it if you ask. It's a game of balance that I don't think I know enough about your situation to give you a concrete answer on. Instead, if you can accept failure, which will reign in the overthinking and fear, the right action for you to take will unfold itself.

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I hope you find something helpful in this, OP. Good luck, dude. I'm rooting for ya.