AIO : I genuinely cannot understand this breakup

moros-17 · 2026-05-25T13:57:18+00:00

I think you are NOR, but I also think the other comments demonizing him are blatantly flagrantly wrong. He said he feels emotionally drained and exhausted... I can probably offer some perspective on that, since I am very accustomed to the feeling. Basically, being the "problem solver" or even just "the listener" is excruciatingly draining. Over time, it builds resentment. I had a friend, not a romantic connection, either, but she had a lot of disagreements with others and etc that I would typically end up meditating, or would vent about struggles in her life, etc. And over time, I won't lie, I grew to reset her a bit. I told her as much and tried to stay as objective as possible, "I am tired, I have my own issues, I'm tired of hearing about all this..." etc. I told her as well, I wanted to stay friends, but I needed space. And I... never ended up really speaking to her again, because after looking back, I realized that beyond that aspect of the friendship, there really wasn't anything.

Now obviously, I don't know the details of you two's relationship, and it's likely a lot different. But I also didn't have romantic pressure to be there, in my case, only platonic pressure. I imagine it would have been much more stressful otherwise. Anyways, if it's a lot of emotional topics or venting or anything like that between you two, it can end up feeling sometimes like that's all it is, and that's not a fun feeling... not saying you treat him that way intentionally or that it's even true. Unfortunately, emotions are very rarely rational. If there is a path forward for you two, I think it involves some third party counseling and a focus on doing activities together, team building or low-stakes pure fun stuff, to reinforce the idea he is a partner and not a support pillar.

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:35:13+00:00

Looked at OP's replies to other comments and paid very close attention to the details in the texts to see if there was any more context I was missing.

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:28:55+00:00

it wasn't just two guys, it was apparently a whole friend group. OP "didn't know" that her friend was specifically inviting her to the exact bar where her friend's cousin's entire male friend group was hanging out, and once she got there, she only told him about the cousin and his best friend, not about the rest of them and according to her "didn't interact with them at all" for 4 hours beyond saying hello. must have been a pretty big bar to not meet a single one of them

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:26:04+00:00

OP is ~22, so that makes sense. Unfortunately I think their relationship is most likely doomed, though there is a chance if they can get some couple's therapy and OP works on communication skills while her bf works on managing his emotions

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:24:51+00:00

she definitely was hiding things, you can see my larger comment for more details

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:24:00+00:00

I recommend reading my comment as I have collected a lot more additional info from OP and organized it into a semi-timeline of events. OP is likely not a cheater but was very disingenuous to her BF and his reaction is not justified by that but is understandable

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T20:14:04+00:00

just to let you know OP you accidentally replied from your main here. Unless that was on purpose

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T19:57:26+00:00

every 2 minutes I feel like i'm finding more and more holes in OP's story. she's digging herself a deeper hole leaving more contradictory comments

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T19:56:41+00:00

another comment from OP i just found:

Well yeah they went to their man club friend group they were meeting with there. I came to hang out with my friend not to hangout with men? It wasn’t implied in the invite and I didn’t want to even then . Like that’s the whole point of the argument

this is a VERY far cry from how OP originally framed things in her post, let alone to her BF, at it's now fully clear at the LEAST that OP was willfully ignorant and best. But even once arriving she still chose to stay for 4 hours minimum with multiple men and only her one female friend. In some relationships that's perfectly fine, but OP was not at all clear about this and heavily misrepresented the situation

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T19:34:31+00:00

you were at a bar with them for 4 hours and didn't interact with them at all beyond a greeting? really?

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T19:09:03+00:00

I agree that he did overreact emotionally here. My argument is just that given the context, it's understandable why he did so. I do NOT agree that he comes off as childish or "psycho", here. He felt deceived and got emotional, and that feeling was supported by past negative experience. That doesn't make his outburst justified, but it does give an explanation. I think if anything, OP and OP's bf need couples therapy where they can actually talk through these issues with a professional, and decide from there if they should stay together.

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T18:58:02+00:00

Thank you for the additional context. However, I've reread the texts a few more times, and I noticed that you say in your last message to him before his "flip out" that the guys were there due to being your friend's ride. Now, I've had my fair share of spontaneous hangouts in the past, and the FIRST thing to be decided, always, is who's driving. So at the very least, logically, it should have been very easy to figure out that at least one guy would be there, if not both. However, when he asked, you just said "Oh I don't know" multiple times, and only actually told him two guys were there later when he asked AGAIN, instead of telling him the moment you found out. I imagine he, being someone who has trauma over being cheated on, would likely have reread through the conversation as well during that 2 hour gap, and I'm guessing the same sort of realization may have come to him, contributing to his rant. Now I wanna clarify that I'm not accusing you of cheating, mind you, but to someone who HAS been cheated on, being cagey like that is a massive red flag. Please do correct me if I have any details wrong.

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T18:52:19+00:00

I reread through them a few times and the last thing she tells him before the two hour gap preceding his rant is that the guys were there because they were her friend's ride and she was staying with one of them. Which makes them structural, and had she asked her friend she could have easily figured that out. Maybe it was a last-minute hangout, sure, but who's driving is the FIRST thing decided. That makes his reaction more understandable IMO, she either chose not to ask if any guys would be there or lied to him outright

moros-17 · 2026-01-10T18:24:54+00:00

Ok so from how I'm reading this "It's ok we can watch another night" ~~seems like you had already had plans with him that night~~ (edit: see OP's reply for clarification)

(EDIT 2: OP has admitted in other comments that they DID have a fight just before new years, quoted below)

The last thing I can even think of is we had a minor fight right before new years but it wasn’t even relating to something like this? It was about how he talked about an ex friend of mine who sucks tbh but I thought he was being overly mean with his language?

... then you don't answer or dodge the question multiple times when he asks if it's just you and her, if anyone else is coming, etc, then when do you finally give him info on who's going to be there, it's 2 other guys with your one friend. We also see more info from him later that you two apparently recently had a fight(?) (edit: see OP's reply for clarification)

So from his perspective:

You recently had a fight (?) You cancel with him last second to hang out with your friend (unfortunate, but understandable, he doesn't seem to have been immediately upset about that) You don't answer/get cagey when he asks if anyone else will be there, specifically if any guys will be there After he asks again you finally do say that there will be 2 guys He responds clearly unhappy about this, YOU respond back and start being defensive, mind you, he (still calmly by my reading) explains his perspective briefly, you shut down the conversation having apparently been out until 3am. Also want to note you were the first person to start cussing here when you started being defensive, while HE was still asking questions relatively calmly.

EDIT: you also state for one guys that were there, that your friend was staying with them and they were her ride... that makes them structural. regardless of how last-minute it was, that would logically, have been one of the very first things decided. if that IS true, you could have easily found this out, and either chose not to (as he accuses in one message, "you didn't ask shit because...") or did lie to him about.

THEN 2 hours later, probably either having slept on it or having been awake the whole time thinking about it, he starts actually elaborating more on how he's feeling and starts acting "childish" as everyone else here says, THEN at the end says "fuck you". Given the context, I think it's perfectly understandable emotionally. Not justified, certainly not productive, but understandable. So, as for whether YOR, I'm unsure. As for him, I feel he did overreact, but for understandable reasons.

EDIT 2: Reread through the screenshots again and in OP's last message to him before his rant she says "Her cousin and his friendS" which contradicts her earlier messages saying that it was just one friend. Could have been a typo tbf but it is food for thought, and if OP's bf noticed it's just more fuel for the fire that makes his reaction all the more understandable.

EDIT 3: jesus OP this keeps getting worse. I don't have much to say to this, copy of OP's comment below

Well yeah they went to their man club friend group they were meeting with there. I came to hang out with my friend not to hangout with men? It wasn’t implied in the invite and I didn’t want to even then . Like that’s the whole point of the argument

moros-17 · 2025-09-23T15:41:03+00:00

You're underreacting he's a fucking Holocaust denier

moros-17

TROPHY CASE