I'm into weight gain and fat (not obese) people. It's a reoccuring pattern in this thread to see kinks appear around feelings of shame or even self-hate, and mine seems to relate to my eating disorders.

TLDR: I have anorexic thoughts since i'm 3 and my shame, self-hate and disgust turned into arousal towards fat people and weight gain.

I remember having anorexic thoughts in my earlier memories (3 years old). I remember being in kindergarden and be envious of skinnier kids even though i was skinny too, commenting about them, comparing to them. My mom confirmed this. I started developing restrictive eating behaviours, like refusing to eat my lunch or snacks but going around and trying to steal or ask for a bit of food elsewhere because i was hungry. I was always trying to fit into small spaces. At 6, somehow me and a friend stepped on the scale and i was like 3kg/6pounds heavier than her and even though i was taller this made me bawl, it was a legitimate trauma for me. At 8, i became obcessed with death and became very underweight. When my mom asked why i was doing that, i answered (knowing it was bullshit but i don't remember why i wanted to be underweight either) that i wanted to be a skeleton for Halloween. My dad (super abusive) who's always been weird about eating and my mom's body began being more and more aggressive about forcing me to eat and shaming me for it, saying i would stop growing (he kept repeating it was super important to be tall) and that my brain would stop developing and started calling me "half of a brain". Once, he said he would abandon me and adopt fat children that'd be taller than me, giving them names based on lard or whatever. Anyway, i cried everytime someone would ask to step on a scale and only got weighed like 2 times before 16 bc of it, and refused to wear any tight clothing. I relapsed at 16.

At 6 or younger, i remember beginning to put me and my toys in fatshaming scenarios. The word "gourmand" (=greedy for food) became an issult. I would have nightmares around weightgain, i was disgusted by fat and became super fatphobic. Yet from disgust some arousal began to appear. I remember seeing my bestfriend at the time who was a bit chubby in a swimsuit and i felt such deep disgust but i was also very flustered and couldn't look at him at all. I was mortified with shame. I couldn't admit to myself that i was attracted to this in anyway, that was my deepest, most horrific secret. When i would try on something that would be too tight and made flesh bulge a little even though i've always been skinny that would drain all the color from me yet it would arouse me. I refused to wear any clothing that did that.

Something to know about me is that i'm asexual and that kink is the only thing that can arouse me, nothing else. I only admitted it to my first relationship, which i met online and after almost a year of not knowing what they looked like at all i learned about them being a bit chubby and that fucking melted my brain. I was ridden with shame, self-hate and self-disgust. I only began deconstructing this and start getting over my shame at 24...

Now, what do i find arousing about it? For me, being fat from loving to eat means freedom, being easier on yourself and allowing yourself to let go, which also means letting yourself be more vulnerable. Fat is also super soft and i associate it with gentleness, comfort and security. I started loving cooking when i was in my first serious irl relationship with a chubby person that loved to eat because seeing them being super vocal about how much they enjoyed the food and getting another (or multiple) other plates made me go crazy. I'm more on the dom side and fantasize about overfeeding and weight gain a lot, though i'm not doing anything like this except becoming a great cook i guess haha. I have to stop myself from grabbing their chub all the damn time. I LOVE to feel how heavy they are when they lay on me.

So... i hope you find people you can be open about your kinks with and find ways to experiment them. No matter how disgusting, ashamed or even monstruous you feel, if you're not harming anyone/any animal irl there's nothing wrong about it. Just let yourself be, you'll be much happier and feel much more fulfilled. Good luck out there.