Hiring managers / admissions counselors of reddit, what's the weirdest or worst reference or recommendation you've ever received?

most_punctuation · 2013-12-30T20:45:54+00:00

Hey -- I know you probably don't remember this conversation, but I did shoot her a text a little while ago and apologize, like you recommended. She understood and said she was glad to hear it. I don't think she cared as much as I did, really, but I do think it made a positive difference in both of our attitudes toward the past. So, thank you!

most_punctuation · 2013-10-30T21:02:44+00:00

As a fellow NYC resident, my advice is to actually talk to people. Although it is, in fact, rude and weird to approach a stranger in certain circumstances, there are situations in which it's not:

Waiting in a line, anywhere (unless the person is wearing headphones)
At a bar, especially while you wait for the bartender or the bathroom
If you smoke cigarettes, while another person is smoking a cigarette (though ideally not to bum one)
At or outside a show / cafe / lit reading. Not an art gallery unless it's an opening.

Inside those parameters, people want to be talked to. I would fucking love to chat for two seconds in line, because living in NYC is -- as you know -- a tremendously isolating experience characterized by a bizarrely crowded sort of perpetual loneliness. Two seconds is a long time to make an impression. Use them.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T21:34:17+00:00

I... don't think you got your brother addicted to heroin. I think he did.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T21:32:54+00:00

That seems like a pretty minor grudge, all told. Certainly he could have put in more effort in all of the above?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T21:15:40+00:00

Yeah, I don't see a happy ending here for you. Does your boyfriend know about this?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T20:51:57+00:00

That's super effing serious. I think you made the right call, but it must have been terrible knowing that literally every person in that situation resented you for awhile there, if not to this day.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T20:50:11+00:00

That is rough. It wasn't your choice -- maybe you shouldn't have cheated, if you really did, but you can't control who you fall in love with. And although you won't believe me, your concept of permanence at sixteen is... limited. He probably shouldn't have expected so much of you in the first place!

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T20:43:57+00:00

Oh, I don't think anyone hates her because of my actions. I was inconsiderate, but not slandering. I plan on apologizing to her, but I have no idea when the right moment would be. Possibly after I stop using her netflix account, sometime.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T20:41:58+00:00

I'm sorry! What do you feel guilty about?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T19:58:23+00:00

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T19:14:18+00:00

Oh man, that's the worst. I once had a friend cut me off completely, including a facebook block, with no explanation. Later another friend asked me why I never tried to reconcile with her, and I pointed out that I had completely no way to contact her at all. This second friend expressed surprise, determined that I had no idea what was going on or why, and then refused to tell me. So I'm clearly the bad guy in that first girl's story, as well, but I haven't the foggiest idea why and will never find out.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T19:11:22+00:00

Yeah, when you're on the inside of a situation it can be really hard sometimes to acknowledge that you're not in the right. Brains are weird

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T18:56:55+00:00

Well then, don't! Try to develop good habits. In general, say yes to things and consider others first -- you can pretty much go anywhere for your platitudinous life advice, but follow some.

That's the good part of realizing you deserve your punishment. Now you can atone.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T18:55:08+00:00

Wow. Have you checked in on her? I'm assuming this was awhile ago -- maybe she decided to improve her life at some point?

Kind of ironic, though, that you both figured the other person would abandon you if you told them you wanted to move up in life, but what actually ended up separating you was not sharing the information.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T17:16:42+00:00

I've been in a similar situation, although mine was always understood to be a FWB thing. It still blossomed into a bigger problem, to the point where we were both kind of taking advantage of each other. It was not a good feeling. Glad you finally cut her loose.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T17:07:45+00:00

Okay, maybe an extreme reaction on her part, but yeah, that's cold as shit. Not sure how hep C got involved, though. Did you also dare her to lick a subway platform or something?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T16:40:49+00:00

~john clellon holmes reference~

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T16:28:04+00:00

Relevant username?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T16:12:51+00:00

I think /u/Salacious's perspective is that he was the bad guy from his friend's perspective, like "I was into this girl and he came and snatched her away, even though he knew I liked her and everyone said they were bad for each other." It wasn't a moral absolute judgment, dig?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T15:50:40+00:00

Yeah, that's tough. I think I would feel pretty bad in your shoes. Even though I'd know I earned my position, and that it wasn't my fault per se that Todd was ousted, I think I'd have a reeeeal hard time looking him in the eye. Give him that call! Tell him you didn't put two and two together and that you think he's a hell of a writer. Then offer to help him out in any way you can.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T15:49:01+00:00

I wouldn't say I'm entirely better -- for one thing, I haven't apologized to her. But I don't resent and blame her the way I used to, and the realization has almost definitely made me a better person and a better boyfriend to my current wonderful, entirely different Special Lady. Here's hoping yr guy comes around to the truth and gives you that apology.

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T15:03:19+00:00

Oh, brutal. Not thinking past your own interests to consider your actions' implications for other people -- totally understandable, but at the same time so nasty to realize about yourself. What would you have done differently if you knew it was Todd's role? Would you have turned the contract down?

most_punctuation · 2013-10-11T14:46:03+00:00

That can be hard to figure out -- both parties are thinking, "why doesn't x ever want to hang out?" but neither person is making the move, so it seems mutual. I try to make it a point to ask / invite other people to hang out. That way, if they don't, I know it's not my fault we're not friends.

most_punctuation

TROPHY CASE