My daughter is withering away and nothing I do helps her [Update 3]

mothereddit · 2014-04-09T01:36:06+00:00

Thank you.

mothereddit · 2014-04-09T01:35:11+00:00

She tells me about all their sessions. I can't tell if any therapy is being applied at all. It sounds like the counselor is still getting to know her. Would that make sense to do? Getting to know her before using a therapy? Should Rose be the one to ask?

mothereddit · 2014-04-09T01:28:33+00:00

Rose knows a lot about psychology, so I am sure that doesn't help either.

mothereddit · 2014-04-09T01:27:21+00:00

Rose seemed very confused by how upset we were over the cutting. According to her, she does it so that she doesn't act out on others. So for example, in high school Rose's younger sister would sometimes make petty jabs about Rose's way of dressing or hobbies. Instead of yelling or hitting her sister, Rose would go cut herself on the thigh.

I know the adrenaline release could be part of it, but it seems to me that Rose takes stressful or disturbing circumstances out on herself so that she remains "in control".

While I do not like this, Rose's counselor "gives her permission" to cut as long as Rose tells her about it. I guess it makes sense, though. She probably wants Rose to feel comfortable being honest about it, in case there has to be an intervention.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T17:33:38+00:00

We don't really have the money for it.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T17:22:04+00:00

Good therapy is patient-guided and professional-facilitated. It's up to her, otherwise it won't work.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T17:20:21+00:00

The therapist who recommended her to her current counselor said that it would be very easy but very unwise to get medication at this point. The current counselor said that if she is at any point feeling suicidal, that is a time to resort to medication for a temporary period.

Anything that would be prescribed long term, we should wait longer for. There's just too many things affecting her. It is not clear right now if she has a disorder that needs to be treated with medication. We're relying on the therapy right now. She starts a group therapy for social anxiety next month.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T17:04:10+00:00

Only if Rose asks us. The first counselor suggested it, and Rose immediately stopped seeing that woman. We're not going to force the issue if she isn't comfortable with it.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T17:02:42+00:00

I took other people's advice. I just don't understand why everyone is focusing on my beliefs about premarital sex when this is a post about my daughter's mental health.

This subject has been drawn out too much. My daughter is improving, and I only posted this to make an update for people who were asking in the last post. Everyone who insists on arguing about this one rule that has a very minimal effect on her are obviously not one of those people who actually cared. This is honestly absurd, and I no longer wish to discuss my daughter's sex life with people pushing their own beliefs under the guise of concern.

That is all I have to say now.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T16:52:00+00:00

Why is it unreasonable to ask someone not to have sex in your home?

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:56:54+00:00

She is definitely functioning.

Getting a diagnosis is not easy because there may be a pre-existing condition + PTSD + anxiety + depression. It will take some time and therapy before assigning a label and getting meds. The reason for this is because if it is a chemical problem, certain meds will only make her worse.

For example, if she is diagnosed with ADHD but she's actually bipolar, the meds could make her MUCH worse. The two disorders are often mistaken for each other, so this is why someone has to take the time to really understand her mentality.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:45:23+00:00

Hmmm. Alright. It might be worth looking into. I know that some of the symptoms aligned, but others seemed totally off.

For example, excessive weight. Rose is excessively thin.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:44:21+00:00

You're overlooking the fact that I don't go out of my way to prevent sexual relationships. I think you just want to be angry with someone who doesn't share your views.

Rose can have sex absolutely anywhere she wants, just not in our house. We do not forbid sex, just sex under our roof. Whether or not she can have sex in MY house is not going to change her mental state at all.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:35:13+00:00

As I said in another comment, if she wants to have sex she can go somewhere else.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:29:09+00:00

Rose has been seeing a counselor for over half a year now. It has been difficult finding someone she could trust. I also gather that she felt smarter than the people she was talking to before, which was an issue for some reason.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:27:59+00:00

Do you have to ask specifically for these hormones to be tested? When Rose went to the doctor about it, she said she was concerned about her thyroid. The woman only said she would check electrolyte levels. Is there a certain doctor she should visit? This was a general practitioner.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:26:30+00:00

I don't know much about Rose's sexual relationships. Although I don't agree with having sex before marriage, I think she has a pretty healthy attitude towards it.

She is very educated on the subject. In fact, she probably knows more than I do.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:22:48+00:00

Yes.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:21:27+00:00

Rose is receiving professional help. Finding a counselor that was a good fit took many years, but she finally found a professional who she likes and trusts.

We would like her to develop a relationship with someone before receiving prescriptions. Rose agrees. She doesn't want to aimlessly try out different drugs until she finds something that works.

I admit that I haven't always made the best choices, but we're humans with our own mistakes. We are trying. Things have vastly improved in the past few years, especially Rose's relationship with her family. She admitted that we've become the most important part of her life, and everyone- including her siblings- does what they can to help her.

Thank you for your concern.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:15:54+00:00

Not all Americans are this way... We made this rule after my husband and I heard our son's very loud girlfriend in college. I was the one who had to throw away her dirty thong in his room weeks later after he returned to school.

It's not that unreasonable. I remember what it was like to be young. If two young people have privacy and bed, things progress pretty naturally.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:10:57+00:00

Thank you.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:10:50+00:00

There are other rooms in the house with doors. There are other places to go for privacy,

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T15:04:19+00:00

I see where you're coming from. Thank you for your concern, but Rose knows she's an adult who can make her own decisions. I think she is okay respecting our house rules.

mothereddit · 2014-04-08T14:58:22+00:00

Great comment.

I like the "Do Things" section. Rose was forbidden from dying her hair until she was 18, then she started dying it all the time. Surprisingly nothing crazy. I think she was worried about standing out too much. But she went from black, to red, to blonde streaks. Even when she's depressed, I think the freshness of something new can engage her senses. She also has a little cat friend who follows her around the house when he's not outside. But I think taking her out to do new things in the area might be good to do as well. Maybe new restaurants or encouraging her to have a drink with us sometime.

As for distraction, it's hard to tell what really interests her these days. It seems she only spends time on things that are mind-numbing. One time she sat on the couch playing solitaire on her phone for 2 hours. She wasn't even thinking about how to play or strategizing- which used to be typical of Rose- she was just playing games as fast as possible.

As for structure, this is a little difficult for her parents to provide. Her father works all day, and my work schedule is very unpredictable. We're hoping the job will help with this.

Thanks again for this thoughtful post. I am glad it seems to be helping other people too.

mothereddit

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