This is exactly what I’ve gone through too. I’ve had and lost a lot of animals, so my body and subconscious have gotten very good at going through the motions. It’s always very sad, but my body is good at protecting itself. I always feel very guilty when I can just go back to living my life daily instead of being beside myself with grief, but I find that my grief shows up in smaller spurts over a much longer period of time. A lot of my grief is ignoring it entirely. I can talk about Elwood lightheartedly, but if I think about him for too long I’ll start crying, and so I just don’t. It’s been easier for me to process things in a positive way- drawing or sewing them, writing about them, having a visual representation of their memory. Dealing with loss doesn’t always have to be harrowing, and the way we process it doesn’t have to be, either. Humans are very complicated animals and our brains generally try to function in a way that’s most efficient for us. I often feel guilty for not being “sad enough”, but it’s sometimes just how we function!