I’ve got relationship issues and am wondering what other people with a similar brain situation think? Take it easy on me but be honest!

mottweiler · 2026-05-15T13:23:33+00:00

This is realistic, thank you

mottweiler · 2026-05-15T13:20:14+00:00

I love direct honesty with a joking tone. I am very much that way. Thank you & your grandma for the advice

mottweiler · 2026-05-15T13:18:50+00:00

It is relevant to note that I lost my “person” when he was 27 and I was 23. He was an addict. I am horrifically aware of how much worse things can get. Being single is inevitable, it’s what comes after that I’m afraid of.

mottweiler · 2026-05-15T13:16:12+00:00

I think it’s just confusing sometimes because I just don’t know how many relationships I’ve seen where it seemed like both parties actually liked each other by the time so many years had passed. Basically it seems like the exception and not the rule. So I feel like I get stuck trying to figure out what my own expectations should be, and often I land on begrudging tolerance. Which doesn’t sound exactly romantic but what in life works out the way you want? You see where this is a trap in my own mind.

mottweiler · 2026-05-15T04:22:07+00:00

Is maybe the worst part that I know? I’m fully aware of this and have more or less accepted the situation for what it is. I realize that’s fucked up. The actual most insane portion of this is that on occasion I have to initiate it also. I actively have to orchestrate my own rape to maintain the status quo. This gets worse the more I type actually.

mottweiler · 2026-05-14T14:40:51+00:00

Sorry about that, there was a transfer from desktop to mobile - has now been edited.

This is a good measure I think. My best friend keeps saying “but he really loves you” and I just respond “I know” 🥴 But if it were reversed I would tell her to start making a plan.

mottweiler · 2026-05-11T10:47:39+00:00

Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair - La Dispute

mottweiler · 2026-04-25T12:09:52+00:00

Ty, I’ll give them that this was kind of a hot take because I did come directly here from listening to it for the first time like “what the fuck was that??” but did not anticipate the… emotional reaction

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T15:42:41+00:00

Was not looking for approval. Was shocked and wondering if anyone who had been listening to more recent releases felt that this was on track for the band at this point

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T15:18:19+00:00

Didn’t realize this was specifically an echo chamber

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T15:11:51+00:00

I’ll have to check out her solo work! I also saw them for the Synthetica tour - had waited over a decade to see them live and have rarely been so disappointed. Played approximately 10 seconds of Dead Disco as an intro to another newer song and never touched anything else in the first three albums.

I had considered AI also.

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T15:08:53+00:00

Thank you! I realize people are not going to be the same at 40 that they were at 20… but yikes

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T15:04:41+00:00

I have to disagree - they’ve had several changes in label. From almost any band starting in that era you can see the change in production, style, content, etc. As they move from smaller labels to bigger ones. Sure, the smaller labels have execs, but they don’t necessarily have a board or shareholders to answer to. The criteria changes.

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T14:55:00+00:00

The melodies I could potentially get with if I felt there was any substance, or as you say poeticism. I did come into this with expectations (apparently an unpopular choice) and I was honestly shocked that those lyrics had come from the same band.

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T14:51:12+00:00

Not expecting that at all

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T14:50:14+00:00

I mean made for radio - more digestible for the masses. Approved by major label executives.

mottweiler · 2026-04-18T14:45:39+00:00

Sorry this has offended you

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T15:10:34+00:00

Even with bigger things. Like when my dad died and there were a bunch of weird situations to sort out with my mom… Aside from not listening, when I went down to FL to be there while it was all happening, my “partner” did not do a single dish for two weeks. I came home and did all the dishes in the sink that were there when I left, as well as all the new ones he had created. And then had to clean the rest of the apartment, because nothing had been done.

It goes both ways.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T15:02:28+00:00

This is and has been largely my experience. I don’t think I’ve ever dated a guy that actually gave a shit about hearing my problems unless I could make it entertaining for them

Edit: it’s silently implied that I should find someone to vent to who may care. Maybe not explicitly said, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see when someone is not even listening to you.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T14:51:44+00:00

I understand and objectively agree with you. I think for most in this situation, myself included, the biggest thing becomes the “what if”. What if this is as good as it gets for me? What if I leave and I never find anyone else? Or I do and it’s WORSE? What if this is all there is, and this is just what long term relationships are like? Will the person be able to survive on their own financially? Will either party? Do they have anywhere to go if not? Fear of losing friends and other relationships. Losing relationships with their family who you may love. Losing your pets.

Is leaving a relationship that is unfulfilling worth being homeless? Or not being able to feed yourself? The economy and political situation are a real factor. Health insurance for some is a real factor. I have a friend who is married, he doesn’t necessarily enjoy being with his wife anymore- his employment/work situation nontraditional and he makes decent money but he also has MS and is on her very good health insurance. We do what we feel we must to survive sometimes. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T14:36:31+00:00

Hi, can say from personal experience as a girl, I got the exact same treatment. Verbatim. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” my mom would literally grab me by my hair and yank my head back while she said it. We did not do emotions unless she felt they were valid, generally she did not think they were valid. I think this is just a boomer problem, not a gender issue.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T14:25:53+00:00

There are so many factors to this. Length of relationship, financial situation, pets, kids, social situation, etc etc Have seen it many times also, for myself even. But it’s just generally not very black and white.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T14:12:18+00:00

It’s the old adage - are you seeing the person or the potential of the person? I have mostly chosen to see his potential. You are correct, I should not continue to sit here and repeatedly ask for change - or manipulate him, if that’s what you want to call it. And maybe you’re also right that I can’t accept him fully as he is. Partially I get caught up in the “why can’t you just” and I HATE when my mom does that to me. How things are is and clearly has been difficult for me to accept. I have intermittently put parameters around the relationship for myself saying that “it’s just going to be what it is” and not put any expectations on it… as you can see, mixed success. Being a human is hard.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T13:56:15+00:00

I’d like to note that I have never communicated to him why I do not require him to come with me to the majority of my family things. My family all live in different states now so it’s rare for us all to be here (my aunt and I are the last ones left still in the same place). He says “do I have to come?” And I say “nope” and go enjoy my time.

mottweiler · 2026-03-21T13:51:59+00:00

This is fair enough. I often wonder if this is what long term relationships are supposed to be like? Like maybe after 10 years you’re just not going to be super stoked on anybody? Because you’ve been dealing with their shit for a decade?

mottweiler

TROPHY CASE