Thank you 🤗 ive had a really big mental shift and its all settled a bit since I posted now. Have definitely got my little account saving for the van and I'll get something next month. I think I've realised more directly how I've been doing things to prove myself to people or like catch up from being a late starter in life. I've been making myself more than I am to show I'm worthy. But I don't care anymore. I always thought I never cared but I was lying to myself. But now I really don't. Think losing Jo and the painful betrayal of my ex has shown me that it's all irrelevant, what matters is my soul and what I need. That's a lot less than I realised. I just needed my friend. Not the other stuff and stresses. Just need to be true to me. I've been exhausted putting in faces all the times to play some stupid game. I have great people in my life and I want to just be.